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Baby names

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Original poster

What's it like if your child has a different surname to the mother?

159 replies

Lozza79 · 01/03/2010 15:11

Hi everyone,

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and expecting a little boy. My partner and I are very happy together and we're not married. Whether we ever get married or not doesn't bother me, but if we ever did I certainly wouldn't take his surname. I'm quite happy with my own and at the age of 30, if I did I would feel like I'd be losing my identity just to satisfy tradition. Furthermore, I am the last person in my family with my surname and if our child doesn't get it - that's it.

My partner would like us to use his surname for our son. I haven't really pushed the conversation yet as I'm curious to find out more first from women who have different names to their children. What's it like? Are you treated differently? Do you think it's easier for the man to have a different surname to his child?

By the way, I have no intention of double barrelling our son's surname. The two names would look terrible hyphenated.

OP posts:
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BornToFolk · 01/03/2010 15:42

I have a different last name to DS and it's been no problem at all so far (he's 2.4).

When I make doctor's appointments, I just give his name. Nursery have no problem at all with it - invoices are addressed to both me and DP.

It was an easy decision for us - it meant a lot to DP for his name to be carried on and I really wasn't bothered.

Could you use your surname as a middle name?

SpicedGerkin · 01/03/2010 15:40

People constantly call me Mrs Smith, John Smiths mum, instead of Miss Jones, John Smiths mum.

Other than that, it makes no difference at all.

FTR - Not our real names

bluemonkey123 · 01/03/2010 15:36

I have a different surname to DD - she has her fathers name and I am remarried. I don't notice it at all, althugh she often comments that she would like the same name as me - I just say "but then daddy wouldn't have anyone with his name" and she is fine with that. I don't mind, school don't mind (although they always assume I am a Miss!!) Even when we recently joined the library, they asked if all children had the same family surname - they were well prepared for that not necessarily being the case.
I don't notice it at all - congratulations on your pregnancy

seeker · 01/03/2010 15:36

I would really suggest having another look at hyphenating. Have you tried it both ways round? Our dcs have a hyphenated name and it works fine - even though it is a bit clumsy. They love having both our names, and they particularly love that they are the only people in the world with this particular last name.

We've never had any trouble with immigration or anything like that. The only difficulty we have ever had is that people sometimes think that the children's name is our family name, but that's not really a problem.

sweetkitty · 01/03/2010 15:29

My 3 DDs have DP's surname and it's not an issue here either, even if DP and I were to get married like the OP I have no intention of taking his name at this ripe old age.

DD1 and 2 know I have a different name and all I have said is that children have the same name as their Dad and I have the same name as mine.

Maveta · 01/03/2010 15:25

It probably isn´t relevant as where I live no members of the family have the same surname so its just normal. As for me personally, it just doesn´t even occur to me that ds and I don´t have the same surname - I know he´s mine!

4andnotout · 01/03/2010 15:24

I have 4 dd's who all have my dp's surname, it makes absolutely no difference to us, my parents have taken them abroad and no one has said anything about them having a different surname. The oldest two know I have a different surname and think it's funny, they couldn't care less whose name they had tbh.

heymammy · 01/03/2010 15:22

Neither of my dds have my surname and tbh it makes not a jot of difference. There have been no problems with registering for school/nursery anything and it's really never commented on.

I'm in the same situation as you in that we are not married and if we ever did bother then I would keep my own name, it's mine and I like it!

So would your dp be open to discussing your ds having your surname?

Many congrats by the way

bran · 01/03/2010 15:15

My kids have a different surname to both me and DH and nobody has ever so much as commented on it, except for passport control at Heathrow who can be a bit pissy about it unless we have birth certs with us.