What's it like if your child has a different surname to the mother?

Marine - that was my thinking too. it provides an obvious link for dh, that for me, wasn't necessary

I was in your position and wanted DS to have my DP's surname - DP was keen, I wanted them to have that obvious "link" (as it was obvious I was his mum having carried him, but the surname says who his dad is IYSWIM), double-barrelling wouldn't have worked, etc.

Soooo, DP's name it is and it's totally fine. Some people seem to worry about not having the same name as their DC or other family members but I can't think why - we're all individuals aren't we? People seem to be able to take it on board. The only confusion arises because I tend to do all the admin and organising, so people get my name, and then they assume both DP and DS also have my name

No problems at all here either. I think society is very used to this. It's no great surprise for anyone these days.

I've never encountered any problems either. dd's have my surname as their middle name - which is an old vaguely Scottish tradition used in dh's family, so it felt like a nod to that, as well as to me.

Its slightly inconvenient sometimes-nothing more.

hi, my children have my partner's surname and it's not ever been a problem yet (oldest is 3 and at preschool). but then it's not something that bothers me and it is pretty normal in my area for families to not all have the same surname.
some of my friends got a sudden urge to get married and change their names once their babies were born so it did matter to them. also a friend in a 'posher' area got some odd comments from healthcare professionals etc due to not being married or having same surname as her children.
like you i think i'd keep my name even if we did get married, it really doesn't bother me at all to not share a surname with my children
good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

ihave never encountered any judgments or real problems. but i do get called Mrs DC's surname a lot.

It is nice to see that noone encounters problems with different surnames within a family. As it should be of course, but I thought some people would be judgemental about it.

I have a different surname to my children and the other day we were teaching our son his full name Oliver Smith etc.....then he said aloud "Oliver Smith", "Daddy Smith" "Mummy Smith"...I did feel a bit left out I must admit as my name isn't the same as their's but we decided not to correct him just yet, all a bit too confusing for a 2 year old!

FTR Not our real names either!

How about giving your surname as a middle name or third name for the DCs? You don't have to hyphenate it. Since you're the last in your family with the name, I think it might be very nice to pass it on even as just an initial to all intents and purposes.

Plus, being held up as officials try to make sense of who belongs with whom at an airport is not pleasant and it's a pita to have to bring birth certs with you if you travel. You never know when a little detail like different names is going to cause a major hiccup.

displayuntilbestbefore - why not? They're equally his children.

In our case it was for several reasons, firstly he felt more strongly about passing his name on than I, my maiden name has an umlaut in it, which makes it a nightmare to spell living in the UK and thirdly my maiden name wouldn't have worked with my daughter's first names at all.

Curious to know why are you giving your DCs your DP's surname and not your surname?

I know it's commonly done but if there's no marriage, then why give the DCs the surname of the father?

I never married my dd1s father and she took his name. When we split he married and had 3 children. It wasn't a happy split and knowing my dd now shared a name with his new family made me feel very much a loner. Having now married and taken my husbands name with our dc I sometimes feel that dd1 feels the odd one out in our family.
I would say give the child your name vu really never know what the future holds

I kept my married name (the same as my 3 children) when I divorced. When I re-married 18 months ago I took my new husband's surname. My, then 9 year old, son was concerned that my name wouldn't match his and his sisters any more and suggested that my new husband might like to change his name to their family name instead!!!!

I thought that was a very sweet thought! This was from the boy who was concerned on our first night after we'd moved in with my new husband, when my son was 7, that my new OH would feel left out as he was the only one not a "jones" like all the rest of us!! Awwww

Since my surname changed I've just had a couple of occasions when my son's school have telephoned and the teacher has addressed me as Mrs "Jones" instead of Mrs "Smith" - they have been a bit embarrassed (even though the kids school records have my new details on!) but I've just laughed it off and said not to worry, that mother of "Jones" children is on my job description!!

I so wish I'd done precisely that Gunther... 2 sur names, not hyphenated.

My DD has my surname as her middle name.

We are married, but have used both surnames for the DDs. They are not hyphenated, so either one could be dropped. I would hate hate hate for my children to not have my name and wasn't prepared to change my surname when we got married. You don't have to double barrel names.

I have always kept my maiden name, so the DC's have DH's surname (with mine as a middle name). Never really had any problems - though at DD1's first school the head informed me that they referred to all parents as Mr/Mrs 'child's surname' regardless. This is no longer the case, as all schools (including catholic ones) have coped.

I have sometimes referred to myself in letters as:

Ms Myname (Mrs Kidsname)

i.e putting DH/kids surname in brackets treating it a bit like a job title, to make things clear to officialdom.

Different surnames is not a new thing - my DH has had a different surname from his mum for most of his life, as she was widowed and remarried.

I have a different surname to my two kids, and I hate it - being called Mrs x and having to correct to say ' no actually it's Miss y'

Aren't the registering rules along the lines of - if DC's are named for the mother, the father has to officially adopt and change the name. If they are named for the father, they cannot be changed back to the mothers surname.

That's always struck me as a bit although I can see th reasoning - sort of.

My DDs have DH's surname. We're married, but I didn't change my name. There has never been the slightest issue with it - I've done tons of travelling with them and it's never been queried. No need to go looking for problems.

My own mother frets periodically about how strange it is for me to have a different name to my girls - but she's never got her head round me keeping my own surname. It really isn't a problem for any of us.

When ds1 was born, I vaguely imagined I might some day use dh's name (I have no idea why, we were already married and I had a public profile under my own name), so we gave him dh's name only. I think I also thought that since the baby was so obviously mine, dh needed to be recognised in the name. 4yrs later, having realised that I was never going to become Mrs DH and that ds1 is less obviously 'mine' as a schoolboy than he was as a breastfeeding baby, I insisted that ds2 had both names. I now regret not hyphenating for both boys, and we often talk about changing ds1's name so that he has both like his brother. So I'd say you might want to make sure your name is in there somewhere.

Oh, and dh gets called Mr Chettam much more often than I get called Mrs DH, because I book everything and of course I use my own name.

A word of caution against double barrelling.. i have mum´s surname-dad´s surname. Where i live as an adult has a rule of kids taking dad´s surname (space) mum´s surname.

So my son is dad´s surname (space) nana´s surname-grandad´s surname. His first name is 4 letters and his combined surnames 8 + 5-7 letters! eek. poor babe, sadly there was no way around this as i was more than happy for him to just have his dad´s name to make a nicer name combo. But hey ho, them´s the rules. Luckily day to day most people just use their dad´s name, but it makes filling in those standard box forms hard!!

My dp and I are due to get married next month, but even so, I will not change my surname, as it feels as if I may lose something of myself, and don't necessarily feel the need to change it just for tradition's sake. My ds will be my ds whether or not we have the same surname or not. There have never been any funny looks or confused smiles about it at the doctors, nursery etc, as I think it's very common these days for women to keep their own names.

I am glad that we gave ds his daddy's last name as my dp really wanted that. I am totally fine with it. Many of my friends are in the same situation and it bothers no one. Except my mother in law, but that is her problem. haha

I have my name, and DCs have DH's name with my name as a middle name. The double-barrelling didn't work with our names.

Everyone has been quite used to mothers with different names - teachers call out to me as "X's mum" when they want to speak to me in the drop off chaos.

I do get called Mrs DH sometimes. This doesn't bother me that much, and I tend to reply "call me Friday".

I never changed my surname on marriage; our 2 (soon to be 3 ) children have DH's name.

it has never bothered me at all.

i like the principle of giving them both names, perhaps one as a middle name rather than double barreled, but my surname has 10 letters and Dh's 11, so i thought the names would be too long.