What's it like if your child has a different surname to the mother?

We did the same as Puddock - 2 surnames, no hyphen. Sons now 16 and 18 and show no sign of wanting to use just one name, they like having 2.

Haven't read all of this so I might be repeating what others have said (am at work and doing this sneakily). I'm married, but didn't want to change my name, so didn't. DD has DH's surname, but DS has my name as a middle name and DH's surname. I regret not doing the same for DD and will change her name so it includes my surname as a middle name by deed poll (stays as it is on the birth certificate though).

So the only thing I would say from experience is give your kids your surname as a middle name if you decide on DH's as a surname.

Like others on here I get called 'Mrs DH' and he gets called 'Mr MissM', but it's really such a minor irritation and doesn't bother me, just makes me laugh (although it does annoy me that my mum insists on addressing letters to me using DH's surname!)

I wanted DC1 to have my name; was convinced it was a girl, so I agreed with (then) DP that a girl should have my name, a boy could have his name. It was a boy, of course, and DS has his father's surname. I then had a DD, who got my name. People probably assume they have different fathers. Whatever. I think automatically giving them the father's name is sexist, especialy as women are usually the main carers in the event of a split. There ought to be some sort of justification for what their surname should be.
I've never had a problem with DS having a different surname, though I always carry a copy of his birth certificate and the court order regarding living arrangements with me.

You can give two surnames without hyphenating. Our son is Firstname Middlename MYSURNAME DPsSURNAME. For now, he uses both, which people are generally fine with (I get "ooh, like in Spain!" quite a lot). Later on he may choose to drop one or the other in everyday use, which would also be fine. It meant a lot to me to give him my surname.
Congratulations!

I'm in the same situation as you Lozza. Not married and wouldn't take his name even if we did. I like my name.

DD has her father's surname and my surname as a middle name. I didn't want it double-barrelled, it would have been too complicated. I would have loved for her to have my surname but didn't want to cause family ructions. By putting it as a middle name she can drop it if she wants to, it'll only need to be on official forms, but it does identify that she's my daughter too in the case of airports etc.
Plus when/if she gets married she'll still have my surname in her name, so I sort of get my way.

Both of our surnames are unusual and neither could be mistaken for forenames, so it might look a little weird, but she'll not have to use it everyday which she would if it was a surname.

I'm surprised to hear of difficulties for people whose children have different surnames to theirs. There are many cultures where the children have different surnames and with so many unmarried parents and women like myself who chose not to change their names when they did marry, that there are many man more children out there who don't share a surname with one or more parents.

I chose not to change mine and although hubbie was miffed at the hospital both times that the baby was given my name and not his, no one else has ever commented on it.

oh and dh gets called "mr my surname" loads. he has learnt to live with it . even at centre parcs in half term he gave my surname at the supermarket to have our groceries delivered to our room as i had booked the trip in my name. Bit embarassing then at checkout when he handed over his credit card with his surname and they queried whose card it was. eek..

haven't read whole thread, just 1st page. i didn't change my surname when we got married. The DDs have dh's surname. DD2 has my surname as a middle name. i wish i had done that with DD1 too but didn't and now never seem to get round to adding it in formally. (but she includes it when saying her full name as i have told her that is what her complete name is)

at nursery it wasn't a problem though it was probably assumed we weren't married, invoices to miss and mr different surnames.

school (catholic in affluent area) are more prepared for it and it has never been an issue. It isn't normal in many countries for the woman to change her name and we have a lot of spanish/italian etc who have different surnames to their children. I do often get called "mrs dh surname" to which i reply, again, i don't make a big deal of it.

i was once asked at passport control if they were my children. i just said yes and no other questions were asked.

In the middle of this issue with my third pregnancy now and it's feeling quite a big deal. First DS was given surname of my ex husband, I kept my name professionally but used his domestically. Now it seems a big deal to dear ex and even DS makes a big deal of it as a link to his dad and of course I can't change it. Second DS took my partner's name as he was so desperate for a child and I caved in on it not long before I gave birth...also thinking we might get married at some point but no joy there. But have been queried on this going to Paris on the train with insistence from customs that I proved he was mine. Third and last DS now due and it's a real sticking point. I feel like I'm carrying and delivering babies for other people who don't quite commit so am intent on either this baby having my name or double barrelled (which definitely sounds a bit stupid) and adding my name to DS2s surname! I'm not sure really that politically I feel comfortable with being 'modern enough' not to need to get married' but we women still reverting to the fathers giving their name to the children as the 'default'...Although we could argue that in fact we are just giving across our own father's name! Aaah My usually laid back partner is getting quite het up about this one!

I am married but did not change my name. After much thought we gave the dcs dh's name.

They are 6 and 5 and it has never been a problem. I often get called Mrs DH and that does not bother me at all. School just assume that that is my name and I have never corrected them although I have filled in all forms in my own name.

It's fine.

Sallright.

I have a 4yo DD and expecting no2 in a few days.

DD1 has both mine and my partner's surname, hyphenated, with his first and then mine.

As someone mentioned above, it gives your DCs the best of all worlds including a surname unique to them!

I couldn't have imagined my child/children not having my surname or equally not hving DPS, so this was the obvious solution for us.

My DD has DP's surname, not mine. We are planning on getting married one day...but it made sense to us as we also have 2 stepkids and this meant all the kids have same surname which we thought would make them feel more like siblings. I do feel a bit left out sometimes!
The only time it was nearly a problem, was hugely embarrassing - DD and I were flying home from France, DP & other kids were staying there a bit longer. I was going through passport control and there had been a problem with the booking and for some reason DD had not been included with my booking (she was young enough just to be on my lap) and I handed over our passports to be checked and I'd forgotten that I'd stashed my english money in my passport. This (small) bundle of cash fell out, and there's me with a baby with a different surname and no flight booking....it looked really bad! However DD is quite a clingy and jealous baby and I had to put her in her pushchair while I had my bag checked, and no doubt due to my inadvertently shifty behavior I also got frisked and she did her pieces shouting 'Mummy' a lot and getting very annoyed with the strange people who were touching me, which at least proved she was definitely with me. I was so relieved to get away from there.

I have a different surname to DD, when DP and I get married I'll change my name to match theirs. I have got a bit fed up of people getting confused/needing it explained. If you've got a thick skin I'm sure it's perfectly fine, though.

None of my 4 have my name - and sometimes I like being in a little club of my own in the family - when it's all going crazy I say to DH - I'm just going to have some 'smith' time - you need to go deal with your kids!

I have a diiferent surname to my kids and always have. I am now divorced and it makes me more uncomfortable than it did when I was married. I have been asked by UK immigration whether I can prove the kids were mine, apparently for child protection issues - when returning on a Mark Warner charter with 2 kids in ski gear!!! fortunatley I do carry their birth certificates so they let us go. The kids were a bit surprised, kept asking 'Mum, come ON'... the other parents were gobsmacked

I never thought it would bother me, but it would be nice for us all to have the same name, just because that's what's traditional I suppose.

I'm getting married in the SUmmer and won't change my work name (have journal articles and chapters referenced in my surname) or official documents but think that I might start using DD's and DH's surname at home as I like the way it joins us all together.

DP is not keen on me changing surname, he thinks 'it's Victorian and Mrs __ is my mum' (!)

Same here and no issue whatsoever really.

Only minor ones are the feeling left out bit as they get older and the fact that in the hospital they will call the baby "Baby

we r in the majority now us un married mummy s!! i dont have same surname as my dd, at doc etc they often call me mrs(my dds surname) which i just answer to, easier than correcting sometimes, our surnames start with same letter and sound bit alike anyway.

i assume one day we will get married and i will have the same name as my children, but if not its not a problem, i will prob get shouted at for this but i feel its tradition to take dads name i will b doing the same for my dc2.

oh p.s my neice has her mums surname and nephew has dads, i think it odd that u would do that!!

My partner and I are in pretty much the same position and have decided to have my surname as a middle name in case our son(about to arrive)wants to use both surnames later. I don't think it has to be hyphenated to use both.

We were in the same position. I'd always assumed I'd give the children their father's name but felt really bereft when it came to registration. dp said they cd have my name but I felt odd abt that too, like he was somehow being pushed out. i was tempted by double barrel but he was dead against. in the end i gave them my name as a middle name. i still feel a little sad at not being exactly the same but they wouldn't be the same even if db. only option wd be for me to change mine but at nearly 40 and no prospect of marriage that's unlikely - just not sure i cd do it. ultimately i think the solution we came to was right. giving my name s a middle name makes it feel special and there forever (even if dd gets married and changes hers)

All Italian children have a different surname to their mothers.
Isn't a problem.