What's it like if your child has a different surname to the mother?

we kids had different names from our mum and stepfather. My dcs have Dps name. Never any problems other than I sometimes get called Mrs Dp.

I'm married but kept my own surname.

We I got pregnant the most reasonable way we could think of to solve the 'which surname' dilemma was to say that if it was a girl she would have DH's surname and if a boy then mine. Of course it could have been the other way around.

Lo and behold had a little girl. So she has DH's surname as her surname, and my surname as a second middle name.

I guess it gave the discovery of her gender at birth an additional 'frisson'!... but more importantly it seemed a fair way to decide without one of us having to concede or feel resentful.

My boys have my surname as one of their middle names (ie. FN, SN, my surname, dp surnme). No way could we double barrel them - awful, awful as mine is quite flowery and DPs is quite blunt sounding - both also quite long. I would have double barrelled if one of us had been called Smith or similar!

Only read OP - is generally fine apart from when travelling abroad on own with kids (need birth certificate to prove their my sons) or dealing with the incompetent idiots at the post office who wont accept a birth certificate and marriage certificate as proof they are my sons and I am their mother so I can readdress post for them to our new address -have to get DH to sort that rubbish out...

I kept my maiden name for many years after dh and I married because I didn't want to lose my name or take his as it was a bit dull. Eventually, after meeting another couple who had done it, we took each others names and made a new double barrel so our family all have the same surname. We both had short surnames so it works but I have met children with quite long double barrels and no-one really cares.

I'm married but didn't take my husband's name as it is tricky to get people to spell it right, etc. and I couldn't be bothered to change it. I would've wanted DS to have my name, but DH felt quite strongly. DS has my surname as a second middle name (scottish tradition) so it is in there. I don't mind being called Mrs Husbandsname or people mistaking as we are married He doesn't have an issue being called Mr Myname either and it can be useful sometimes!

Advice though - if you're not married, they should have yours, just in case.

I, too, am married but kept my own name, partly because it's mine, and I like it, and partly because DH had been married before and his first wife still had his name. Our DD was born before we married and she had DH's name, because I really didn't think it through properly! We then got married, and I didn't change my name. Next, DS was due. This time, I realised I wanted him to have both names, and bitterly regretted not doing the same for DD. We then found out that because we married after DD was born, we were allowed to re-register her birth! (This was actually(according to the registrar) in order to legitimise her birth, if you can beleive that!!) We used it, though, as the opportunity to change her surname.
So, now I have my name, DH has his name, both DCs have both names, no hyphen.
In terms of aggravation, never had any trouble travelling. School are hit and miss about whether they get my name right or not. Biggest hassle is DH's family. MIL can't accept that I'm not Mrs DH, but even more annoyingly, neither can either of SILs!!
Make sure you're in the billing somewhere.
(Note, if you have two surnames, no hyphen, and your DS one day writes a book, the book will get filed in the library under second of the two names!!)

I wish my DD had my surname. She got the x's because I believed we would marry. But sadly we split and as I do all the hard work rearing and supporting my child I reckon she should have my surname.

All dc's have my partners surname, as we are hoping to get married in the near future (we kept having children, so had to put plans on hold!). my feeling was that it would save having any problems later.
Cant say we have ever had any problems tbh. the only thing was when ds1 went to get his passport. dp had to take him to passport office as i had only given birth 5 days before. he had to take a letter along from me stating that i was giving dp my permission to get his sons passport! i never understood why (until recently), especially as they have the same surname.

It is interesting how you see taking the mans name when you marry as "just because of tradition" but wanting to give child your name to "keep the family name going" is also a tradition. I suppose, the same could be said for the male name...........and surnames are just a tradition almost!

I have no opinion either way btw, was just joining in I am married, took my Husbands name - it was a relief tbh, my maiden name is a paita to spell! Plus I have an ectra letter in my first name so I was happy. I guess I also don't feel like you about identity being taken away, I would still be me, no matter what anyone called me!!

My son has my family name. Even if I were to marry his father I wouldn't change either my name or my son's.

I would consider double barrelling without hyphen if my partner had held strong views on the subject, but he's never said it is an issue to him.

My aunt has 3 children all with 3 different fathers and all with 3 different surnames.

Her surname matches her 2nd child's surname as she had built up a work profile when married to her DC's dad in that period and didn't want to change it.

She never had a problem with any authority-types and as someone else said - we're all individuals. She used the father's name for her 3rd as she needed child support from him also.

I wrangled with this dilemma for years; once when we got married (and in the end decided to keep my surname; not sure if it was genuine desire to retain my name or laziness at the thought of having to change everything!), and again, like you, whilst pregnant.
Like you a doubled barreled name was not an option (would have been ridiculously long). DH and I discussed it a length but there was no getting round the fact it had to be one or the other.
In the end DS arrived 8 weeks early before we had really made a decision, and in a still shocked and sleep deprived state we went for the path of least resistance (thinking about explaining to grandparents and everyone else for evermore) went for DH's name.
Having said that I a quite happy with it, in the end it doesn't seem such a important decision afterall and I have not had any problems in the past year.

My DP is portuguese so DS has my name then his two names. we are getting married so I will keep mine and add his two on wedding certificate but only use last for ease. He has older son to another mother and he has just one of DP's names but we are considering adding the last one so it matches. I think everyone should do what suits them best as everyone is different. But I do see why it can cause confusion at airports etc.

My dd has both. We aren't married and had agreed she'd have my surname and dp's as a middle name but when we got to registering her birth he changed his mind. It isn't double barrelled, she just has two surnames.

Like the op, if dd didn't have my surname no one else would iyswim and I have similar views to Earthstar. It's a mild pita when we are at the drs and I have to give her name over the phone etc and people get confused but it isn't a major thing. There is something quite nice about her having both our names and if she decided to change it in the future I'd be fine with it. I have a very nice surname though so I think she'll want to keep it .

PS we were also quite tempted by going the Scandiwegian route of "-dottir" and "-son", but while "Richardson" sounds fine I don't really see "Jennisdottir" for an child who isn't actually from somewhere that normally does that, iyswim!

Earthstar - so do you think that modern society means that the mother has sole ownership of the child? Insisting on only the mother's surname is as bad as insisting that only the father's surname will do.

It's very patriarchal to use the fathers name and I think out of place in modern society. My child has my surname and I am amazed that all mothes don't choose this option!

I conceded that DD could have DP's surname if I got final say over the first name, and had my surname as a middle name.

DH has two surnames (unhyphenated). I didn't take his surname when we got married. He uses both his names. The children might have taken my surname as well except that FirtstName MiddleName DHSurname1 DHSurname2 MySurname is a bit of a mouthful for a small baby!

Change it by deed poll for her birthday. If her father does not have PR

Just to add my twopeneth... and my experience.

A while back I was flying to the States with my mum and my DD who was then 4. My mum and I had the same surname in our passports and my DD had her birth surname in hers (my ex h name) The check in questioned whether I had 'permission' to take her out of the country and would not accept us on the flight unless I had PERMISSION from her father! He hadn't seen her for a while and I hadn't told him of the weeks trip we were taking. I had to call him and he faxed a letter to Delta to say it was ok !!
Thinking about it I could have got anyone to sign and fax that letter and they weren't to know..but bit of a panic before boarding a flight - like you need that kind of hassle

BTW . she now has my name on her passport

I never changed my name when married and my DS has my DH's name. Got confusing in hospital as they insisted on calling DS by my surname. However, we ended up being in hospital for 2 wks which is pretty rare and not likely to be the case for you! Took several months for the NHS to catch up with the fact that that wasn't his surname. I am totally used to being called by the wrong name anyway - very useful for getting rid of sales calls easily! Useful to know about bringing birth certificate to aiport security/passport control - if a little annoying (especially if I had turned up without it!!)