I am not going to give my baby a surname

Personally I wouldnt! DD really wont thank you for it.

ok so the men werent great but surely having the same surname wont tar her with the same brush?

My friends dad was a wifebeater but he has grown into a lovely,kind and thoughtful young man who dotes on his wife. Surely its more about how you bring her up.. What morals she has.

If you really really dont want her to have that surname then choose something and all change. But agree that no surname or first names as surname will just be a Nightmare for DD.

OMG - have just read more of the detail of this thread.

Georgimama, some of your posts yesterday are really out of order, imo. Where did 'man hating lesbian' come from? And the personal abuse?

The bastard men are an issue here because traditionally it is MEN'S names which get passed down...so whether the women were bastards or not is not resonant in a name. And as far as I know, Stew did not tell her DSS anything abo0ut 'bastard men', just that the baby would be named after some women.

I have expresssed my own view, which has some reservations., but the degree of PANIC and vitriol that this thread has engendered is quite bizarre.

Good luck, Stew, it's your decision.

What pag said!

www.surnamedb.com/surname.aspx?name=Allix - I tried loads, but this means kind. Notter could also mean clean slate'

this is really heated, isn't it?
sorry, only just caught it and got a bit tired after the 5th page.

i think Elizanne is a fabulous surname, but i also think you should all take it.

I would like to be proud but my god the typing......!

EXACTLY what I meant, but said better.

I still don't understand the point of this.

My grandfather was a nasty abusive shit. My Dhs parents are tossers.
WE have the names now. We are chnaging what they mean. I am not hiding from my ancestry because I am making it mine. And in doing so the name has a new meaning.

If I changed the names of my DCs I would be denying what we have achieved creating a loving productive generous family out of that heritage.

You should examine what you have overcome and reclaim the name instead of running away from it. It is yours now and what you chose to make it represent for the future.

But if you are going to change your Dcs surname then make it a sensible one and chnage your two. My family have many elements that are different and require explaining. It is not brave to choose a surname that needs endless explaination. You should not foist these on children - it is selfish

Stewpid,

I totally get your reasoning. Dh and I also felt that passing down the paternal surnames in an unthinking manner was stupid. So we changed our names to a new one when we were expecting ds (it's a mesh of our old ones, but at least it doesn't have the strong cultural/ethnic connotations that our old ones had).

However, from personal experience I would absolutely advise you against a hyphenated surname or one which will so obviously be confused with a first name. I would merge the two words as some have suggested. Otherwise you will have no end of problems, your daughter will spend her life having to correct computer filled forms which have got the surname and names mixed up, you name it.

So by all means go for it, but it would probably be a good idea for at least one of you or your dh to change their surnames too (not strictly necessary, but would make life easier).

stewpid - I too hope you can blank out the unconstructive comments. in particular the casual ones from people who haven't read the whole thread and/or people who are showing zero respect for you and your completely legitimate reasoning. I also hope the constructive comments are useful for you and dp. I'm afraid quick, dismissive reactions are sometimes just what you get on an internet forum - people say stuff they wouldn't dream of saying to your face. Just shrug it off and don;t take it to heart.

I know someone who has only one name, just on name, one word. But he chose to change his first name to his sole and only name by deed poll when he was an adult (to divest himself of a name which is a title of caste in Hinduism). I think he manages OK with it, and he made the choice and was prepared fo the difficulties with forms, comments etc.

I thnk if you have issues with your families, and are not using the names because of that, then you should ALL perhaps get rid of your surnames - otherwise when you explain it all to your dd she may not find it 'deep and beautiful' but a negative removal of a name, which marks her as different from her own parents, in response to negative experiences of family. IYSWIM.

And if you don't explain, others will. She will seem like a pawn. If on the other hand you all change your nakes to 'Elizabeth-Anne' as your surname i will seem less like that - you have adopted a new joing family surname.

stewpid if you do this, and give your DD the surname Elizabeth-~Anne, she will be taking her DH's name as soon as she can, so will almost certainkly get married, and I can guarantee she won't apss this ridiculous surname on to any children she has either, so you might as well just give her those names as first names.

Echoing what others have said here. I totally understand your reasons but the way you are going about it is nuts. Either pick a completely new surname out of thin air or choose a word that would work as a surname. Otherwise you are setting your dd up for a life of confusion which isn't fair on her. They are, after all, your issues not hers and again, as others have said, you need to work that out in a way best for you without making her carry the load.

Good luck

Why would you, with YOUR issues with men, make it an issue for your child also?
Maybe you need to look at ur issues with men. before having some idealistic daydream about some memorial surname/firstname?
Life is hard enough without adding petty annoyances i.e trying to explain that Elizabeth-anne is her surname? Why not middle name? or actual firstname?
I am also guessing she is going to have to listen to how crap men are for the rest of her life? Poor kid.

Don't know if anyone has suggested it yet, but why don't you look up the meanings of the names and see if those work better as surnames. My friend died not long after my little boy was born and we considered adding a name at his baptism, and we looked up the meaning of her name and found it meant "beloved", and then we found a boys name that also meant beloved which was David.

it's hippy dippy, meaningless shit.

Pick a new surname, to not have one is ridiculous.

Without being offensive you will be pushing your views of your family onto your child which is unhealthy. Why don't you all change your surname to a double-barrelled surname using Elizabeth and Annes surnames. Then she will not be continually asked about her name which could erode her self esteem and you don't have to describe how awful your extended family are which could also damage her. Please think of your child and not your issues!

oh fgs, i'm finding the close-minded support more irritating than any abuse tbh. this place is so up its own arse.
the OP shouldn't have come up with the 'bastard men' line and she totally acknowledged that. i don't think any single person has said that she shouldn't choose a new surname for her child, just that elizabeth-anne will be a freaking nightmare to explain for a lifetime. which it WILL.

i went to school with a family called Bethel, it means little church i think, so Bethan sounds great to me as a surname. i do think you should all change your names though, start off your new family on the same foot.

I like the idea of honouring your sister and friend - and I see why you'd be upset at your daughter bearing a surname ruined by association, but I don't think Elizabeth-Anne is a good choice.

My advice would be to name your daughter Iris Elizabeth Anne '_' with the blank simply being a word or a place which means something special to you and your DP, whilst at the same time being a recognisable surname.

Change your surnames too, if you really want to get rid of those associations!

Some nice names have been suggested on this thread - Hope and Love for example - or you could go for something quite feminist like Gaia - or try the word 'new' out in different languages. That or go for an occupational name, or a place-name which is meaningful to you.

My opinion is that it's all very well for you to be non-conformist, but to bestow that on a child is not fair. She needs to make her own choices with things like that!

why don't you give YOUR first name as the surname.
the thing i find a bit strange is to be given a surname that is about two people the child is not related to. double barrelling the parents names is one thing. double barrelling the names of two friends is another.

perhaps this is not the right place to honour your friends. you could think of an appropriate surname for your daughter. and think of a way of honouring your friends. but maybe not the two together.

I just want to add my support for the OP: completely agree with Longwee and MaggieBehave - don't see why such an interesting question should have triggered such a volley of closed-minded abuse. I hope she's found the constructive replies helpful - I know I have...

Failing that try the porn star name thing.

Combine the name of your first pet with the name of the first street/town you lived in.

Mine would be ScruffyHastings

OP surely you can think of a surmname that is more suitable...someone i know changed their surname to 'Sunshine' following their divorce, as it put them in a happy place away from where she had been. I think that is a great idea.

But Elizabeth-Anne, no matter how good the reasoning behind it, is just not practical a surname.

FA, things are a lot better thanks. New church, new name, new outlook, and I even manage to get dressed to my shoes every day now too