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Baby names

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Original poster

I changed my DD's name

28 replies

ifinallydidit · 25/09/2009 20:12

There have been a number of posts from MNers considering changing the name of their baby recently. I have recently changed my DD's name and thought I'd share my experience.

My DH chose her original name. I was always unsure of it, but went along with it for various reasons. As time went on, I found that I was becoming increasingly unhappy with the name we had chosen, and I ended up getting myself into quite a state over it. My DH was extremely understanding and supportive, and we eventually decided to change it. This wasn't an easy decision and we almost didn't do it. It was easy to change legally as my DD was only a few months old, but I was very nervous about telling people.

I found that while it felt like a huge thing to do for me, nobody else really seemed to really care what we call our child! They have their own lives and their own things to worry about. Everybody has just accepted it and started using the new name. As our friends, they are just happy that we are happy. We are also lucky that we had the support of our families.

I am really pleased that we made the change; I don't think her old name would have ever felt right. I still wonder if it was a crazy thing to do - but my DH and I are both happy with it, which I think is all that matters. My DD is still too young to know, but I hope she agrees that we made the right choice when she is older It has been a little strange getting used to her new name, but it is becoming easier all the time.

I hope this helps anyone who is also considering changing their baby's name. I'd also be interested to hear from others who have done the same thing

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Original poster
ifinallydidit · 10/10/2009 13:13

Concordia, I hope I haven't dredged up any negative feelings that you had already put behind you. This is all quite recent for me, and I appeciate your assurances that it gets easier.

Still, changing her name has been FAR easier than I expected, especially in terms of other peoples reactions (as there has been hardly any reaction from anyone at all). The most difficult parts come from myself in terms of beating myself up for putting myself in this position to start with. Honestly - I am my own worst enemy at times.

I guess we all make mistakes. Mine comes from just not being prepared enough. I had only just finished work, and just wasn't ready (she was a couple of weeks earlier than expected). Afterwards, I was so phyically and mentally exhausted, that it was just easy to go with DH's name choice - and I just thought that I would get used to it.

I feel like the mistake is fixed now - I just need to get on with it. Having the original name as a middle name feels like a reminder of my mistake to me too in some ways. But I think it will make it easier to explain when she is older, and it does make the transition feel a little easier I think too.

Thanks for your support on this - and actually to mumsnet in general. I thought I must be crazy when I first started to consider changing her name, and it was a relief to read some of the other threads on this and to realise that it does happen and that I wasn't the only one

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Concordia · 09/10/2009 16:10

I would say i feel a bit irrirated that i got it wrong to start with. It all links back to some horrible experiences around the time of the birth in my head. As soon as that had settled down (around 3 weeks) i realised the name was wrong, but then had the problem that i didn't know whether i was just anxious, and worrying about the name was a symptom of that, or whether the name was a cause of my anxiety. DH said i changed a lot as soon as the name was changed.

In some ways having the original name as an extramiddle name is a reminder of my mistake which i would not want (as i never wanted two middle names) but as DH wanted to keep the original name i had to respect that.

Yes, i guess i am a bit cross with myself (the original name was 8th on my preference list and 9th on DHs and I should never have agreed to it)but this is overrided by the fact i feel so much better now.

It also felt easier as soon as she had had the new name longer than the old one somehow - the new name was part of her for more of her life iyswim. Also by this point i was starting to introduce her to many more new people who had never known her old name - this made it really feel hers.

In short i have no regrets really, and thanks to mumsnet, as i would probably have never changed the name without their support

Original poster
ifinallydidit · 09/10/2009 11:59

thanks for that edam - we plan tell DD as soon as we think she is old enough to understand, and I hope she won't be too confused or cross with us.

I know there is no point dwelling on this, but I have really been beating myself up about it. Maybe I am am over thinking it too, but I am so annoyed with myself for getting it wrong to start with. I don't regret the change, as the original name just did not sit well with me at all - but I don't know how I could have been so stupid as to agree to a name I knew I wasn't keen on.

Concordia - did you feel this way at all?

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edam · 08/10/2009 20:48

Far better to change your child's name early on than mess about later.

A cautionary tale: I grew up thinking I was a Katie. It was not until I was seven that I discovered this was not, in fact, my real name. (Not even Catherine which would at least have made sense.)

I was horrified and in that 7yo black and white thinking kind of way, decided that my parents had been deliberately keeping the truth from me and making fun of me. (Obv. have since revised this opinion but it's how it felt at the time.)

Refused to answer to Katie ever again, causing much difficulty for family, friends, school etc. etc. etc. But it worked, especially as we moved house not long after so all my new friends didn't know any different.

When I got married, there was NO way I was changing my name. Still feel very strongly about my name being MINE and no-one is allowed to muck around with it. Although as I've got older and more sentimental I do sometimes miss being a Katie, especially as that generation of elderly relatives who never got their heads round the change have all died, so there's no-one left who calls me that any more.

My sister waited until she was a teenager to object to her family nickname - which was too late. None of us could remember by then, so her friends and colleagues call her by her Christian name but we still call her name she's not too keen on!

purpleduck · 08/10/2009 18:43

TELL US THE NAME!!!!

Fanfare · 08/10/2009 18:29

Yes, I think you're right ifinallydidit, using the original name as a middle name helps make the "old identity" (if I can put it like that) part of the new one.

PuppyMonkey · 08/10/2009 14:43

My sister also changed her dd's name. She was registered as Philippa but all her other kids started calling the baby Flipper and she realised it was just not right.

She's now Emily....

Original poster
ifinallydidit · 08/10/2009 14:39

I was, am still am actually, worried about that too. That was the main reason for keeping her original name as an additional middle name. I think that explaining that we used to call her by her second name will be easier than telling her that she once had a different name completely. It will also give her the option of using the original name if she wants to (I hope not as I really don't like it!)

A good friend of mine knows someone who changed their DD's name when she was a few months old - she is now about 8 and apparently just thinks it is funny that she had a different name when she was a baby. I really hope DD feels the same way when she is older.

I'd really like to hear from anyone who has been through this though

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Fanfare · 08/10/2009 13:31

It's great to hear the positive name-changing stories. I've been pondering changing DS2's name, but my main worry is how he will feel when he's older. A name is such a big part of your identity, I don't know how I'd feel to find out I wasn't always "x", I was once "y". Am i just overthinking this? Does anyone have a thought on this?

Original poster
ifinallydidit · 08/10/2009 08:11

I've been known to

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brockleybelle · 08/10/2009 00:08

I'm ever so curious to find out the old name and new name! But I see you've gracefully ignored requests to divulge. Hoping you change your mind

Original poster
ifinallydidit · 07/10/2009 09:14

Concordia, it does sound like we were in the same boat, except it took me a little longer to pluck up the courage to do it

I also found that no one else seems to think it's a big deal (it still feels like a big deal to me as we changed it fairly recently). It's such a nice feeling to be proud to tell people her name, rather than feeling almost apologetic about it

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Original poster
ifinallydidit · 07/10/2009 08:25

She was 6 months old when we changed it officially, and we had been using the new name for a couple of weeks before that.

I wish we had done it earlier now. I had been worried about her name for months (I suppose I am lucky that that was all I had to worry about!), but waited because:

  • I wanted to be sure that her name was causing my anxiety, rather than anxiety causing me to worry about her name.
  • I wanted to be sure that DH was completely on board with the change
  • I was worried that it would be too hard for us to get used to
  • I was worried about what people would think

I'm sure I never used to be this much of a worrier!

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 07/10/2009 01:52

OP how old was she when you changed it?

Concordia · 07/10/2009 00:21

i too got in a real state with it at the time. not sleeping and worrying etc.
looking back now, it doesn not seem that big a thing.
but i am so proud to introduce her with the new name (never liked introducing her with the old name)

Concordia · 07/10/2009 00:17

oh finally i could have written your post exactly. We changed DD's name by adding in an extra first name and using original name as a middle name.
Most people were very understanding and although i sweated a lot over it at the time no one else thought it was a big deal. She's had the new name 9 months now and it is hard to remember her being the old one (she was 3 months when we switched).
It is definitely the best thing i did as i know i never would have got used to the old name (DH picked it i think because he thought i liked it)
I expect DD will think i am mad when i explain it all later on. Someone has suggested she will use the other name as a teenager just to make a point! But then it will be her choice.

trainers · 01/10/2009 23:12

My partner changed his name himself when he was 7 and started using a middle name because he was badly teased for his first name, I think he was brave to do this and most people respected his decision including his parents.

A good case for giving a child more tradional mainsteam middle names perhaps

GoppingOtter · 01/10/2009 22:47

i did it too ds was maybe 10 weeks old
very glad we did it - the first name was just not right and he really suits his new one

people took the change well

Jumente · 01/10/2009 19:37

I did it pretty much in the first couple of days of ds being born.

I'd told people I was going to call him one thing, which was a lovely boys name, (where -apostrophe -thankyou!) so everyone assumed he was that when he arrived...it was a bit embarrassing to have to tell them we had changed it, especially as nobody liked his new name and even ds1 was adamant he be called the first one

Within a week or so it got easier.
He just came out not LOOKING like a William iyswim!

LittleMissWorryHead · 01/10/2009 19:32

The name i wanted to change TO is a bit faddy imo, in this country anyway so that knowledge meant sticking with his more traditional solid good old boys name alot easier

Glad that your DH was happy too - mine never would have been.

I did change his middle name though - to something that both me and DH love so that if he ever turns round and says "No I don't like my name" He has an equally fabulous middle name to fall back on!

pofacedandproud · 01/10/2009 17:18

We changed dd's name when she was about 8 weeks. We struggled to agree on a name and in the end decided on one very hurriedly when she was born, and I was unsure about it from the start. We ended up calling her by another name and still do, but we have never changed her birth certificate. Friends and family took to it easily. I do wonder though if we should change her name by deed poll now.

Original poster
ifinallydidit · 01/10/2009 17:08

I have heard of other people doing this too. They are all friends of friends though, nobody I actually know.

The only thing I am concerned about is that one day I will have to explain the change to my DD (and hope she agrees that we did the right thing). I hope that keeping the original name as a second name will make it seem a little less strange for her.

Has anyone else had to do this? If so, would you mind telling me how old your DC was when you broke the news, and what the reaction was?

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FimboFortunaFeet · 29/09/2009 13:40

I remember dd starting playgroup with a Jennifer we didn't see her over the summer holidays and by the time they met up again in nursery, the girl's name had been changed to Rebecca. Dd took it in her stride it was me that was confuddled.

smother · 29/09/2009 13:35

oh please tell us what the original name was, I need to know!

Original poster
ifinallydidit · 29/09/2009 13:10

I felt that the original name was too faddy, and I was upset that we hadn't gone with a more traditional name. I wish I hadn't agreed to it to start with, as although I am happy with the change, I have found the whole thing quite stressful.

LittleMissWorryHead, I am happy for you that you came around to your DC's name . I don't think I would have though, as it wasn't just that I had another name that I preferred, I was unhappy with the actual type of name we went with.

I suppose we all just have to do what seems right for us as the time. My DH also seems to be very happy with the change - I would never have gone through with it if he had been opposed to it.

We didn't drop my DD's original name, but we added a new first name, and made the original name an additional second name.

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