Baby names - can't agree on any!

We took forever to agree, as I wanted a family name and DH refused to use any name he could match a face with! He really would have preferred a made-up name so that she was the only one in the world, but we settled on one that's just old-fashioned enough to be rare. We now know of one other living one (and it's her middle name really) although apparently there were 28 in the UK last year. I still feel a bit odd about it, TBH, but most people like it and it does have a sentimental association -- she's called Opal, and he's an Aussie. When we started dating, I started wearing an opal earring (I have 2 holes in one ear, so I wear a pair and an odd one out, and I switched the odd one). I still have it on now. We don't bother to explain that bit normally.

WE had no probalems last time with girls names - agreed straight away. But this time we're having a boy and couldn't agree on anything. I liked Gabriel and Noah, dh wanted Steiner FFS. However we both very firm about any we didn't like and we have finally come to an agreement.
If he won't bond with his daughter because he's getting petulant over a name he liked when he was 8 he's not going to be much of a dad. I'd put your foot down. It'll all be different when he/she arrives.
Have you considered finding out the sex to narrow the debate down a bit?

my dh wanted to call a boy Meirion ffs (sorry to any welsh mners) but I put my foot down & thankfully we had 2 girls.

Agree with Janh: The Anastacia books (by Lois Lowry) are a great read and will help you like the name a bit more, even if you will never love it. I read them in my early teens and recently re read the whole lot (about 8) after finding them moving into new house. Wonderful, funny, written for young girls, but soooo reflective of what I thought/was like at that age. Brought back many memories and smiles.

FWIW, I love Anastacia, think it's v unusual and gorgeos. But if it's not for you, and the books don't change your mind, then put both your feet down and refuse. You have to like it more than you dislike it IYKWIM

I found other people sticking their oar in was really unhelpful. DH and I chose boy and girl names no problem at all, but everyone we told the boy name to pulled a face - my dad said it was awful on lots of occasions! This made our resolve wobble, even though we loved the name we'd chosen. Fortunately, baby was a girl, and everyone like the girl's name we picked..!

we battled out names over a nice lunch out one day. We came up with ooooh - about fifty three million names, none of which we BOTH liked. Then I suddenly came out with a girls name, and we both kind of stopped and said - that's pretty so we decided there was no sense in continuing the debate and stuck with that. He came up with the boys name, but we had our DD and that was that.

I agree with all the sentiments of angst around this subject, and believe naming a child "right" is very important. Not much help for you, but perhaps worth getting those names which you both don't immediately HATE and waiting for "him" to come along and see which one seems to fit... Maybe?

DH got to choose our DS's middle name. The first name was the subject of much debate, and we both had to agree, but I definitely would not have been content if I had been forced to use a name I didn't like.

rainbowface - I'd just leave the subject alone and keep your fingers crossed that you get a girl!

Pie - what a dilemma. As you say - 22 weeks to resolve itself!

We had a nightmare choosing names too. My dh is Dutch, so we had to have something which works in both languages. That means no names with th in as that in hard to pronounce in Dutch, and no names with g in because that sounds like you're clearing your throat. And no names that we very dutch and unpronouncable to an English speaking (my favourite girls name was Marjoliene, which is so pretty in Dutch, but would get massacred in English - the j is like a y in dutch, and would get shortened to hideous things like Mario)

We never did really settle on a girls name, although we had one we liked, I wanted my own middle name (runs in the family) and the 2 together sounded very serious. We had it easy for boys, because in dh's family they have a naming tradition, and we followed it, so ds was named after his grandfather. It is a name I like, unusual but recognisable (I hate names where the poor kid has trouble getting anyone to understand it because its so unusual). The only thing was this name was the name of an ex boyfriend of mine who had behaved VERY badly. I wasn't bothered, and fortunately as soon as it was ds's name, all past associations disappered!

Actually I think that is the key, once it becomes YOUR child's name, all past associations fade away.

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pie, I don't know if this will help but there is a whole series of books about a girl called Anastasia, by Lois Lowry, she is an absolutely fantastic character and very funny - maybe if you read a couple of those you would like the name a bit more?

I have had this problem with 3 of my children,
When I was pg with dd3 I really wanted Sarah as name but when she was born she did not "look" like a Sarah so named her differently.

Ds2 was named on the hospital steps as he wanted Joseph, I wanted Joshua. We had argued for months on what he should be called. He ended up with a much nicer name.

Ds1 is a different matter. He was going to be Daniel and I insisted on it all the way through pregnancy. While in the labour ward I had heard on the radio that Jamie Bulgers mum had given birth to a boy Michael weighing 4 pound and 14oz. A couple of hours later my son was born weighing 4 pound 14oz. Instead of naming him Daniel I named him Jamie.

eidsvold - know exactly what you mean about boys names - we find it very easy to find girls names we agree on (fortunate as number one was a little girl) but boys names are so hard so find. We just don?t agree at all and I am fairly sure that number 2 is going to be a boy. There is the standard set of about 20 boys names that you hear everywhere (Harry, Jack, Jacob, William, Sam, Ben etc. etc.) I quite like these names but they are so common in our area that I would like something just a bit more original. Then there are the "old mens" names (Norman, Arthur, Donald etc.) I know some of them are quirky and even cute but I can?t bring myself to like them and dh hates those sort of names. He prefers the "80s" type names such as Miles, Piers, Barclay, Brent etc etc. - to me they just sound like Dynasty or Dallas characters and then others could have the potential to become the Kylie/Britney/Kevin and Wayne names of the future....hmmm. The nwe look at the unusual names sections and find it hard to imagine having a Aaarvard or Hravashan as names fitting into our particular family. Therefore we are still at square one. Oh well - still got plenty of time to go.

(Sorry if some of those names are those of your dearly beloved - no offence meant , I realise that it is a subjective and personal choice, just used examples to explain our personal difficulties!)

eidsvold ... I had that problem when we were choosing a name for DS ... every time I thought of one I would have a picture of a child that I had taught and I would go off it again ... LOL
Pie ... I don't know what I would do in your situation ... it's a difficult one. Within 5 minutes of my DS being born all my DH's friends shortened his name to a version that I detested ... I told DH that if I had known they would do that I would never have called him that in the first place ... so I started using another shortened version that was marginally better and it took me quite a while to get used to it and took me about a year to make it clear to DH's mates that DS' name was NOT !!!!
Anyway ... Pie ... how do you like the name Annie? It is quite sweet and you could shorten Anastasia to that ... if you liked it that is ... and DH could keep calling her Anastasia ...

rainbow - it was very difficult for dh and I to agree on a name.... particularly for me as I was a teacher and so many names just brought back memories of students ( good and bad) and I wanted something a little different. Dh did not like the names I had thought about ..... finally after much searching - via the internet and more baby names books than I care to remember... dh found one and we both loved it. I also got to pick her middle name which we both love too.

Perhaps you could try searching via the internet for names from different countries/cultures - you might be surprised.

Having said that - thank goodness dd was a girl as we had no boys name picked out - we just could not find one we liked!!! Lucky for her and us.

She also get so many nicknames - we actually have to make ourselves use her real name so she'll learn to respond to that.

atrocious spelling .... partner is watching Deer Hunter and I'm knocking back the vino, as I've already seen it two times and it's so bloody long. That is my excuse.

Nicknames are fine in my book. I have plenty plenty.

OK...this is horibly sexist, bit i belive as you carry it for nine months, it is the woman's prerogative to have the last say as far as naming goes. I really believe this for some silly reason. It is like some kind of instinct.

I am sue this doesn't help. It's like saying this is the way it is...so NURRR. Sorry pie.

My partner who is Portuguese, would like his first born son to be called 'Willy". What can I say?

Pie, you say you feel that giving in to this name may make him more enthusiastic about her but has he considered that giving her a name you hate may affect the way you bond with/relate to her?

She's your baby too and you deserve some say in the matter. Hope you can sort this out.

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www, I did try to point out the logic of reaching a compromise, but as you said its a battle I have to decide on whether to fight or not. As yet I haven't decided whether, or how hard, I want to fight on this one.

Wedgiesmum, if it comes to it I will probably use a nickname, but we are so not a nickname family, if you know what I mean.

Rainbowface - we had exactly this problem. Before ds was born, we couldn't agree on anything. It wasn't until about a week before that we finally decided that it had to be sorted and we did come up with one. It became a bit of a standing joke with friends about us and baby names. We had managed to agree on a girl's name fairly early on. When I got pregnant again, we didn't have another boy's name that we both liked, but fortunately we had a girl! Funnily enough, we didn't actually use the original girl's name that we had chosen first time round, as we had both gone off it. Maybe you will have a girl, which will solve your problem!

Just a thought pie but have you thought of a nickname for the baby?? My DD has a name that we both chose together and both love, but she practically always gets called Bird, or Birdie and seems to prefer that herself and I'm really really fond of it now too because it is who she is.