So we've chosen our name then found out a friend who's just had her baby has already taken it? what to do?

maggieleo - you are making a MASSIVE assumption that "grandparents" - what, all of them out there? would object to two DGD being given the same name.

You are doing nothing less than projecting your personal opinion onto "grandparents" everywhere.

Unless you or your "historian, archivist and now a genealogist" father have completed a sociolgical study of grandparents to prove your point.

I would be interested to read it.

LadyGlencoraPalliser, my father is an historian, archivist and now a genealogist, so I know perfectly well that it was done in the olden days. Now, however, two first cousins with the same name is not just unusual, but shows no regard for still living grandparents.

I refer to Jellybean's post. A voice of reason amongst a string of people arguing day is night.

Are you a relative of Michael Jackon's I wonder? Cos he was the bench mark of all that is sane and reasonable.

FabBaker, friends in a circle of acquaintance is one thing, first cousins is another! I am genuinely shocked by the total lack of regard for the grandparents that other people on this thread have shown. "who would consider the grandparents?".

I wouldn't have chosen my mother's favourite name to suit her, but if there was a name which was inappropriate for some reason, like the name of my father's second wife eg, then I wouldn't choose it for her sake.

Sometimes people want to please their family. Other people think, screw the family, I'll do what I want. OR, they don't think at all. Different strokes for different folks.

My son is 8 and in the aqua natal group someone else had a child 2 months before me and called the child my son's name. They were known as big name and little name as they were huge differences in size. Never occurred to me not to use the name and the other mum didn't mind.

Nobody would ever call their children the same name.
Actually Maggie, you are very wrong. I have a relative who named ALL her three sons after her husband so Daniel Sr and Daniel Jr 1, 2 and 3 and the daughter is called Danielle.
(Not their real names obv).
I don't think it is at all unusual to have counsins with the same name; there are many families who do it. The fact that you haven't come across them is neither here nor there. And as for the question of the grandfather's feelings the mind boggles.
I am sure most grandparents wouldn't be at all bothered. In fact I promise here and now not to be even slightly upset if two of my children decide to give a child the same name. Why would I be?

friend of mine had daughter called Holly then had hissy fit when BIL was planning to call child Molly because of the twee rhyming cousins.

2 years later friend had son they named Oliver, where's the sense???????

My sister and I had our DS's (my first, her third) less than a day apart. I named mine first - she decided on the same within hours. Luckily we were happy to use Jamie rather than James, but my DS has often had birthday presents/cards written sent to him, but intended for his cousin. Subsequently had DD. Same sister decided that if ever she had one, she'd give her the same name. Mmmmnnnn!! As expected, she never did - gave up on sprogging - probably just as well!Would she also have named any subsequent child after our third?!!!

This happened to anyone else?

I think it is abit much with 2 GC of the same name, surely the 2nd named ones parents is always seen as the 'one who copied' (or didn't consider) the name? I liked loads of family names for DS but never seriously considered them as they were already 'taken'. But friends are different, I considered using the same name as two (not close) friends much older children (common name, top 20) but went against it as wanted DS to have his 'own' name.

Elsie is lovely..... And yes i think you should use it! Your DC will have it for what will be a long and happy life!
Just goes to show that you and your friend both have great taste!

"NObody would ever call their own children the same name. Daniel one and Daniel two."

Interestingly, in the recent npast there was a kind of informal rules about the names given to children. Children would be named after parents and grandparents. If the child turned out to be sickly, the next same gender child would be given the same name.

It was very common to have two children of the same name and sometimes three !!!

Our daughter shares a name with her cousin. It was a name I wanted to use forever and everyone including the cousin knew this was a name we hoped to use. The cousin's daughter was born a month before our child and she choose the same name.

I was upset at first (heavily pregnant and hormonal) but decided to still go with the name we choose.

We only see the cousin and baby maybe twice a year and they live in europe, so not that confusing to UK family.

So by the same token, if they had two grandsons they would wish one was a girl, right?

No I am not being obtuse. The people who think it's ok have said "why would they consider the grandparents?" as though this were utterly ludicrous... so, their default starting point was not to care if the grandparents found it odd.

If you ended up with two grandchildren with the same name, you would wish that one of them were called something different. There are so many names in the world.

Hiding thread now, as it's become ridiculous.

Maggie, I think you are the one being obtuse.
I have two first cousins with the same first name as me. We had the same GPs. Never seemed a problem. They also had two grandsons with the same name. They had 10kids so it was gonna happens!

What about Elise? Very pretty too?

WEll Desperathousewife, if you don't get it, you don't get it.

NObody would ever call their own children the same name. Daniel one and Daniel two.

#The mother of the 2nd Daniel saw his paternal grandparents as totally inconsequential in the naming process. BUT I'm sure they feel close and involved with both their grandchildren. Both of their grandchildren called Daniel, both under 3.

If you don't get it, it's cos you can't put yourself in somebody else's shoes.

over and out. I can't MAKE you see things from somebody else's pov, especially the "in-laws".

I still don't get it, maggie.

If you argued that he got confusd between the two and it caused all sorts of difficulties within the family because of this confusion, I could understand it.

However, to say that the problem was because no-one thought of him when naming their child Susan and that it showed no consideration of him just seems odd.

What does it have to do with him? Did he expect to make all the decisions within the family?

My granddad was not a sensitive man. he was a very practical down to earth farmer.

having two grandchildren with the same name made it chrystal clear that the parents of the second Susan didn't give him a thought when they named her.

How very bizarre of you all to be so obtuse as to argue inceasantly that given a choice, most grandparents would not choose DIFFERENT names for their children.

How very bizarre to have to think of your parents/in laws when thinking of your child's name

Maggieleo, I agree, I think that your grandfather must have been overly sensitive about these things .

My parents wouldn't care about what I called my dcs and they certainly wouldn't apologise to their friends for the fact that 5 boys in 3 generations have some form of the name 'Edward' in their name!

Op: dd's middle name is 'Elsie', so I obviously think it is great

I would never feel like that. I would want my children to have their own independent minds and not feel they had to have me second guessing their every decision. I have no idea how it shows lack of consideration at all. Its not something that is anything to do with the grandparents.

they did in my family. I have done the research.

I think your Grandfather must have been a very sensitive man. Most people feel blessed to have a grandchild.

"Why should you think of the grandparents when naming your child? Surely thats the couples decision."

I think that shows a selfish lack of consideration.

If you end up with two grandchildren with the same name, you may not be upset, but I bet you'd wisht they could have been a little less insular when they named their child. YES, it's the parents decision, but thoughtful people think of the wider picture.

My Granddad was upset when he had two granddaughters called Susan. I remember it well.

It's been over a hundred and fifty years since cousins were given the same name, and if that happened, say two Margarets, one would be greta and one would be Margot. They didn't have the same day to day name.

I have been doing family history and its so common to call cousins the same name; not at all weird. I have found 3 siblings in my family who all had Davids (and they were all known as David). This was over a hundred years ago and they all lived in a the same Welsh valley! They were all names after their Grandfather. There were similar incidents in other branches of my family too.

How bizarre that someone would think the grandparents would be upset. Why should you think of the grandparents when naming your child? Surely thats the couples decision.

By teh way I love the name Elsie. (I also relaly like Eloise, Elodie, Ella, Elsie and Evie, I must have a thing about the e sound) but I only have boys. I have bought them the Eloise picture books though to sort of brain wash them into naming their girls if they have any.

nappy, they are two years apart.

I dont see little Charlotte very much she has just left school and I am 40!

Just wanted to say fab name- I love 'older' names, my niece is called Thora and we have sometimes had comments about Thora Hird, but who cares!!!