Has anyone else done this?

what i am thinking of doing now is we both keep our names, then we call our children double-barrel

me and my dp were talking the other day and he didn't like the idea of me being ms and not mrs, and said i should be 'submissive' in some way. i think this was a joke. but he still said it! he doesn't have to change any part of his name so i'm confused as to why he's getting het up if i don't change mine.

sorry i know this is a diversion, but...

Gelamum, me too

I kept my own name when I got married. Just before we had DD1 we double-barrelled. DH took out a deed poll (and the solicitor interviewed him on his own to make sure it was his choice ). I didn't have to sign it as it says "I take for myself and my wife and future issue". I actually have nothing legal that says I have ever changed my name.

I had all the comments about why did I get married if I didn't want to change my name. Lots of relatives on both sides still send cards addressed to Mrs DH and address the children as Miss/ Master DH. It really is very rude.

Our surname is 4 syllables (2 & 2) and can be a pain. Both me and DH use just my surname at work. DD1 only uses my surname. DS2 only uses DH's.

I too am AMAZED that women now still give up their born name when they are married.

We wanted to be less sexist, and both change. We both wanted the same name to show we were united to the world.

When you get married if you dont start off as equal then..... its not a good start!
We decided to put ours names together and luckily it worked as both very short.

My husband got the critism but it was right for us. We felt strongly we wanted to all have the same name in our family. Now our kids and us all have same new family name

It was easy to do, both fill in deed poll forms, dated the day of our marriage. Then send copies to banks etc
We got advice from a solicitor.

I used to be ( still am really ) a massive feminist, and I think it is irrelevant that my original surname was from my father. The point is its the name I have had my whole life and is my identity.

If you have reputations linked to existing names then maybe you could leave work & profeesional dealings separate, like many famous celeb women do when they get married. Ie putting Miss Joan Rivers on publicity but use married name in real life, if she is married.

Slightly reminds me of 'what would your porn star name be (name of 1st pet + name of 1st road lived in = Honey Burlington )

You could just settle for Bananahammock as a surname ;)

ah that's sweet.... do they have short first names out of interest?

My two children have a double barrelled name. They really like being the only two people in the world with their last name, and every now and again they google it, just to be sure there aren't any more of them anywhere!

great - thank you - so it costs £33 to change your surname (unless you take your husbands)

Seeing all the form filling, i can see why some people would rather just keep their original names, and give their child a double-barrelled name.

One poster on here said she didn't like being double-barrelled, while her parents kept their own names, as she didn't like being the only one with her surname. Although I can see why people would opt for this option (in fact, i'm thinking of doing it)

Does anyone else have thoughts/experience on this?

As far as I know, yes. Don't know how you do it though... Does this help?

interesting... so if we pay to have his name changed, then i can just 'take' his name for free?
(does anyone know how to go about doing the deed poll thing?)

I think you'll need to do it by deed poll. If your DH does that in advance of your wedding then when you marry you can take 'his' name. Otherwise you'd both have to do it by deed poll and it'd cost twice as much.

Spoke to DP last night and i think he wants to go double-barrelled, which i guess is ok. though whether he will actually use his double-barrell is another question.
does anyone know if we will have to legally change our name to use a double-barrell when we get married. my dp thought that it just happened automatically, but i thought you had to change it by deed poll. Does anyone know?

Can you remember what the made up surname was MamaLazarou?

Not sure if I have come to this discussion too late, but here's my tuppence-worth anyway: I think the OP's idea is a brilliant one. Double-barrelled names can be so unwieldy, and it's a lovely, original idea. My mum worked with a lady who split with her partner when she was pregnant. She wasn't sure which surname to give the child, so made up a completely new one for him. I think it's very progressive and modern, FWIW!

JandJ: what a strange/rude/weird thing to say... especially coming from a woman!!! bizarre.

The Jury is still out on what I/we will actually do.

When I tried out taking my partner's surname, just to see what it felt like, my parents flipped out! Really not sure why - particularly as my mum took my dad's name, so I did not think this would be a controversial thing. I'll have to figure out what that's about. They like my partner (at least they say they do/seem to) so i'm not sure what the problem is!

I know two families who have done this, one I knew in the 80s and one recently - but in both cases, both parents also changed their names to the new hybrid. I kind of admire it - it's not sexist and it's creative and if it makes a nice name, why not? I don't know of any problems it's caused. Unless the name turns out daft, I can't see that it would make anyone a laughing stock.

I wouldn't do it as I don't think it's necessary - I don't mind having a different name from DP and DS and for DS to have DP's name. I am a feminist but as we're not married I like DS having DP's name as his official link to him IYSWIM.

Do it, wheniwishuponastar, pave the way for the rest of us

I agree - I wish people didn't get so damned funny about it all, it's really no-one else's business and they'll get over it. I wish we'd been braver and just gone with it, really, as I'd rather we all had the same name. I think DH's family just couldn't understand it, and therefore thought it was some kind of rejection of their family or snubbing of them of some kind. And possibly demasculating of DH.

(as an aside, the first thing my mother in law said to me after our marriage ceremony was this:
DH's aunt - "So, you're Mrs DH now, eh?"
Me - "ooh, no, I'm keeping my name"
MIL "I expect you'll be Mrs DH when you're spending his money"
Me - "........... if that's the case, he can be Mr JandJ when he's spending mine!". So you can see what I'm dealing with!)

Oh, and they send post to 'Master DS DH' rather than DS JandJ even now! Very irritating.

chocorange - i agree, i'd prefer me, my husband and children to all have the same surname.
wish it didn't seem so strange to hybrid as its the one thing that is putting my hub-to-be off. he already feels like he comes from a slightly strange family (his dad died when he was young, his mother became a lesbian and then he and his siblings and stepsiblings were brought up by the two mothers). i think me insisting on him changing his surname in any way would be an encroachment of his 'masculinity' and tampering with his dad's memory or something.
i wish it was just the norm, then it wouldn't feel like a slight to anyone.
i guess for those who can do it without it causing offence to anyone should do it, to pave the way for others!
my hub-to-be's surname is very strongly 'ethnic' (his word), and since its from a different nationality from mine, i think it will look a bit strange me having it.
he himself doesn't like his surname being so obviously not-british, and contemplated changing to mine, but then decided against it.
minefield!

Good post, wheniwishuponastar.

Growing up with 2 surnames (mums and dads) I couldn't wait to change my name to just one when I got married, I liked the names but two was a pain in the neck when filling in forms and explaining to everyone.

Also I never liked not having the same name as anyone - my name was completely unique and I sometimes felt a bit left out from everyone else in the family. I love that DH, DS and I have the same name and I feel special to be part of our "name" family.

Just my experience, I hope it helps you make up your mind.

Why dont you all change to the hybrid name? (not read all replies so osrry if I've missed something). When I got pg wth ds1 I didnt want him to have my name as it was exh's name, didnt want him to have dh's name as we werent married, but I didnt really want dh'ds name either, so when we got married I wanted us all to change. But he didnt want to in memory of his Dad (he has sisters, and his brother married i Hong Kong where they use her surname, so dh is the only one with kids with the family name now).

I think it's a brilliant idea. We have three different last names in our family - although the children are hyphenated - and it has never been te slightest problem.

The hyphenated names are both quite unusual, so the dcs really like being the only ones in the world with that name.

I would go for a not too out there first name though - you can have too much of a good thing!

Gagamama - do you know what the new surnames from your grandparents families were? and the other ones that you've heard of...
i'd be interested to hear what people came up with...

Quite a batty thing to do, but hey, go for it if it pleases you!