Etiquette re choosing same name as a friend's baby...

My neighbour went into hospital the day b4 me me and i wasnt aware she had gone in. I went in the next day and bumped into her on the ward . We said hi and then introduced our sons who we had called matthew and we live next door to each other and they were born on the same day. !!!!!!!!!

I have two Aunties who liked the name Ryan. First Auntie was pregnant, had a boy, but didn't call him Ryan because second Auntie had liked it first, and wanted to use it when she had a child. But she wasn't expecting yet. ten years later, second auntie had a girl. Then another girl. Then got sterilised. Then told everyone that if she'd had a boy, he would have been called Liam!
But my first Auntie didn't use the name she loved based on one conversation with her SIL.

I don't think you should mention to your friend that you want the name. If you don't want your baby to have the same name, you'll have to accept that she got there first, and come up with a different name for yours! Otherwise, just give him the name, it won't matter!

I would also say that if you are still keen on the name nearer to the birth I would probably have a quiet word with your friend and say that F is the name that you were planning on calling your DS and is the only name you and DH can agree on and that it's on your short list etc etc and you hope she wouldn't mind if you did decide to go with it in the end. A little heads-up is a nice acknowledgment although you certainly don't need her permission.

I really disagree with the posters on here who say you can't use it. As far as I am concerned unless it is a made-up name or something you have obviously directly copied (i.e. something very unusual) - neither of which applies to Finlay - then you are allowed to use it. The only time I would not go for it is if one of your siblings uses it for one of their DCs.

I am always flattered when a friend uses a name that I have chosen for my DC. I certainly don't have priority on a name and would never be pissed off with someone for chosing the same name.

If you really love Finlay - go for it. Otherwise you will always be wishing you had.

People should use the names they want for their children. Whether it's the same as a friend or not - really not an issue

Can't believe that people try to 'own' names among friends. Bizarre.

Its not me

yikes just put 2 and 2 together and realised said friend is on this site tooo.... i really hope i don't/haven't upset

i would say use the name. the same thing happened to me. I wanted to call a daughter lucy and that was the name we picked out for our first baby but he was a boy. By the time we had a daughter 2 years later we were close friends with a family whose little daughter was lucy so dh said no to lucy! needless to say within 2 years we lost touch with our friends and i always regret not calling my dd lucy

i would say use it if you want to especially if she isn't really close by and they won't be in same school year etc,

but then...

a friend of mine is due in a week and doesn't know what she is having she said they were struggling with names and i asked what they had...our name which is now definite wasn't on her list...phew....and so i told her what we had decided, and she said she liked both and wished she had written them on her list....

aarrggghhh i have said i don't mind if she uses the ,iddle name as a first but would rather she didn't use the first..am i mean!!!???

If it were me and my freind chose the same name I wouldnt mind

What about Phineas or Phinean?

Or Angus is lovely, or Hamish.

What about Fergus or Lorcan?

Fergus is a great name.

very, very annoying, but you just have to choose something else. I know some people say, nobody owns names! but I think it would look odd, either like you were copying her, or worse, like you didn't care if she were upset, or care if people thought you had no imagination etc

Its a tricky one isn't it? When I was having Ds I wanted to call him Charlie. A friend was due a couple of weeks before me who was also having a boy asked what names I had because she was really struggling and couldn't find one she liked. I told her I was going to call him Charlie and then when her Ds was born she called him Charlie. This was before the name Charlie became popular. I just felt that I couldn't call DS Charlie anymore and I was a little bit annoyed that she had used the name I wanted. I know it sounds a bit precious and of course all the comments here make a lot of sense, but at the time I was annoyed. DS has a lovely name that really suits him now but I still think Charlie would have suited him too. Ironically I don't see said friends anymore which is why all the comments here are so true but at the time it was quite a big thing for me. Hormones maybe or just completely irrational?

You could just as easily meet someone with a baby called finlay when they're 6 weeks old, some names are popular. It doesn't matter. I've got friends who both have 12 year olds called Henry, there really isn't a problem.

You have to go for the name you want. I speak as someone whose friend "copied" our baby name - DS has an unusual name and a friend who had a baby a couple of years later used it too. She did ask how I'd feel about it first which was polite of her, but really, people have the right to call their baby what they like. He will have his name for life - it should be the one that feels right.

Fintan is the Irish spelling, I think (was in a Marian Keyes novel!).

Personally I wouldn't, although agree that your friend doesn't 'own' the name.
How about Finton instead - heard it recently & think it's lovely and more original than Finlay (I think it's Irish)

Bah... there are already loads of Finlays around at the moment - one more won't make much difference.

I would make it clear to the friend that you still intend to use it, though.

i like it btw, but we went off our first choices with both ours

chances are you'll go off it by then so dont worry

The posters saying 'use it anyway' really do make good points. I just would feel weird if a close friend had a baby shortly before me and used the name I was going to. I would feel as though I should find another name, so it didn't look like I'd copied her, so conversations about both children wouldn't be confusing, in case she got annoyed about it. It all sounds rather pathetic, but it's how I personally would feel. Fair play to you braver folk.

seriously,no one has dibs on a known name.
if you like it, use it