My mum and the baby name part 2.

But even if the OP had chosen a weird and wonderful name, it's still not the grandmother's place - or anyone's really - to be so controlling about it.

I think Bubbaluv is right - you need to think whether things are going to improve with her or is it time to cut your losses?

I don't think I'd have much time for someone like that in my life. She thinks she can control you. Why does she think that?

CWWM, Are there any positive things your Mum brings to your relationship? Is she otherwise, kind, generous and a great help in caring for the children?
If not, why don't you just cut the strings? You say she would go away if you told her to.

god she sounds awful

I thought that maybe you had chosen a realy strange or outlandish name from her unreasonable reaction, Violet is a lovely name.

SHe is a controlling bully and she needs to be stood up to, even if it upsets you she needs to know that her behaviour is unacceptable. I hope this gets sorted before your lo arrives dont let her ruin your pregnancy

ComeWhine, I really sympathise, my MIL has reacted in a similar way since the birth of my son, her first grandchild. Since my OH told her the name, she went into a flying rage for reasons which to me are frankly racist and completely unreasonable (long story). This really upset me because at the time my DS was in special care and her focus should have been on him getting stronger and coming home, not his name FGS.
But she does share a few traits with your mum - she is overly concerned about what other people think (we liken her to Hyacinth Bucket) and refuses to be called Grandma or even anything similar because she's in denial about her age. God she has so many issues!
Right now, several months down the line, she refers to DS as anything but his name - little soldier etc.. and it still really gets to me but it's her problem and she's the one who's missing out because it has caused the gap between us to widen even more, and a consequence she sees DS less often than she would if only she would behave differently.
I hope she sees sense before letting it get to that stage, good luck

twosofar love that response
(great name too)

Leeza2.. I wouldn't stoop so low as to criticise a name once someone has chosen it either,I'm just saying that if her colleagues are that low, then I really don't understand it when we are talking about a perfectly pretty name. Not condoning it at all. My DS2 is called Wilfie so I have some experience of people choking n their gag reflex when I tell them his name. Depending on how magnanimous I am feeling I either say, 'Well we think it suits him' or to one woman in Sainsbury's who snorted "I can't believe anyone would call their child Wilfred" I said "Well I can't believe anyone with a modicum of intelligence and manners would be so incredibly rude to a perfect stranger, so you clearly have neither".

What can you do?

I remember your other thread and am so sorry she is still being a crazy old bat.
your DD is YOUR DD for YOU and your OH to name. If your mother loves the name daisy so much and wants to call someone daisy buy her a dog/cat/fish and call your DD Violet (although hopefully you've rethought the VEG thing?)

The thing is, you hold all the cards here. You are going to be the one going the Registrar and naming the child officially. You can decide that your mother doesn't see her gc until she stops acting this way. And you can do this all quite calmly and give your energy to enjoying the rest of your pregnancy and enjoying your baby.

I know this sounds harsh but even if I loved the name the mere fact of someone insisting that is what I named my child would make me dig my heels in and call them something else.

If she is at all interested in seeing her gc she will have to back down. In the meantime if anyone brings the subject up just say, 'We will not be naming her Daisy' end of discussion.

Sorry - completely off topic, but I honestly don't see much difference between Edith and Ethel. There are loads of little Ediths around and not a single Ethel. And if I were having to choose between the two I actually think Ethel is prettier.

well if a colleague told me that her DD had called her child Maureen or Ethel I woudl smile politely and say oh that's lovely. If asked for an opinion I would comment about how traditional names are coming back. Because ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. And its RUDE to comment adversely on a name once its been chosen.

God I thought my mother was bad...when i told her that Dsis called her baby Teddy (short for Edward) she sneered "Well I won't be calling him Teddy".. and she doesn't... but at least she doesn't call him another name entirely! Sorry to be blunt CWWM but she sounds like a total bitch.
What on earth would her work friends think, if she went in announcing that she is calling your DC a random name. Far from you being the laughing stock (and i don't believe that anyway...maybe if you were calling her Ethel or Maureen, but Violet is a gorgeous name).. she is going to do a good job of making herself look like a sour old boot.
My mother hated DS2's name until one of her friends whom she's desperate to impress said she liked it. You can't win with people like this.
Try not to let her intimidate you... she is selfish and controlling and doesn't deserve to have you so concerned about what she thinks.

Comewhinewithme that's awful, what a hideous woman. She's so pigheaded that I can't see that there is much you can do but just remember that YANBU and no one else around you will think you are.

If she likes Daisy so much why do you call her Daisy!

My mum wasn't as bad as this but she couldn't understand why she didn't get to have a say in DD's name . I told her she's had her chance so tough (well, I was a bit less direct than that, I'm not great at telling her how I feel). But it did upset me at the time and I felt that it was all part of her being controlling (she kept saying my baby when I was pg). She's fine now though, much more relaxed and hands off than I thought she'd be. Doesn't sound like your mum is though, she sounds like a horror. You are just going to have to resolve this one in your head if you really can change her behaviour. YANBU, and the other poster was right, don't let her know when you are in labour, wait as long as possible, don't let this odious woman spoilt the first moments with your LO.

Poor you!

After wondering what name could cause her such "embarrassment" I just read that you plan to call your LO Violet!
It's a lovely name, and a flower name in exactly the same vein as Daisy, so I think she is clearly attention seeking and domineering.

My mum has these qualites. She kept saying she would call my son "bomber" because he was chunky (and she didn't get why I chose a Jewish name, not that you'd think of it as such). I just said "I would rather you didn't because that's not his name, and it's offensive", and then changed the subject each time she brought it up or called him it, looking for attention and TBH she stopped.

She wouldn't always give in so easily and it doesn't sound like your mum is the type to, but I do believe the more you humour this behaviour or even discuss the subject, the more it's "normal" and allowed to take root.

This time round my mum asked what names I liked for my baby and I refused to discuss it, because she "would be offensive" and so far, she's been more diplomatic, although still hates the name! Just in a "how about this instead?" way...

I find this utterly unbelievable!! Honestly, how DARE she! It is none of her business whatsoever what you call the baby - IT IS YOUR BABY! If she's desperate to call something Daisy why doesn't SHE get a pet and call it Daisy! Apart from the cheek of it, she is causing you a lot of stress that you really don't need at the moment
Please try and ignore her as much as you can. (Violet's a lovely name BTW)

CWWM, I'm totally at your mother.

It's absolutely none of her business what you decide to call your child.

What an arrogant moo of a woman. How dare she?

It is your mother who will be a laughing stock in RL because people will just think she's the freak for trying to take over her daughter's parental rights.

I think you really need to start avoiding your mother until she starts showing you some respect.

She needs to learn and the only way to teach her is by standing up to her.

If you need to avoid her toxic approach to her family, then avoid seeing her.

That's so terrible for you

I had something similar with my mum. She was never keen on the name for DD (phoebe) but basically because she said she'd never remember how to spell it....to this day, 8 years down the line, she spells it 'fibi'

DD was 3 when she said 'nanny that's not my name shall I show you how to write it???' Now she just rolls her eyes whenever she gets a card from her!

Maybe you should suggest calling your mum something different because she doesn't deserve or suit the name nanny/grandma etc????

Something like contrary mary or grouchy pants???

CWWM, I feel so sorry for you.

By the ay, if she liked the name daisy so much why did she not call you or any of your sisters Daisy when she had the chance? Have you asked her that?

FWIW I think Violet is a lovely name. Do you know why she doesnt like it?

Errrm...and you want this woman in your childs life because......
?
seriously...she likes it or lumps it.

Do NOT tell anyone when you go into labour, by the way. Mums and MILs on here have used all sorts of tricks to get onto the labour ward.

Blimey- Violet is a lovely name (and I speak as someone with a Daisy!)

Big sympathy on the mother front- my MIL had to be rushed to A and E when she discovered we hadn't named dd Antonia after her.....(not that we had ever, ever indicated we might)

Is there any chance she'll come round after the baby is born? Loads of people dissed Daisy until they saw mine, then (whatever they think in private) they've never said anything since....(my Dad said she'd chew cud instead of eating at the table....)

Good luck anyway, and enjoy the rest of your pg....

I know this is harsh but your mother does sound a bit unhinged.

I have a very firm policy of not discussing names and just presenting it as a fait accomplis when baby is born. My MIL didn't bother to disguise her distaste at DDs name when she was born, and for weeks afterwards still looked like she was sucking vinegar through a straw whenever it was mentioned but I think she's over it now (DD is nearly 2) and I cannot imagine a name I could love more than the one I chose for DD.

Ignore your mother and choose a name you love. It will make you happy every day.

agree. you should completely ignore her mad behaviour re name. dont discuss with her any further. treat her in the patronising way she deserves and only give her attention if she is behaving herself. mad cow. honestly!