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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Having a crisis about my chosen girls' name and the fact that it has negative connotations for half my family - help!

32 replies

PicassoNorks · 18/08/2008 22:35

I am feeling rather foolish and I'm sorry this is so garbled (baby brain).

For the past near-decade I've known what girls' name I would pick for my first daughter, and now, with two months to go, I'm having a crisis!

The name is actually my grandmother's name, though I decided I liked it after seeing a character in a film with the same name (), which was the first time I'd kind of appreciated it as a name in its own right iyswim. Anyway, I got pissed and told my gran that I'd name my daughter after her and neither she nor the rest of my family has forgotten. It's one of those old lady style names that is becoming more popular again.

I like the name and my gran is very fun and glamorous. However, she also has her negative side - she's very needy, manipulative, selfish, demanding, etc etc - and I'm worried about giving my child a name which most of my family probably have mixed feelings about. Argh. DH is non-committal, but I might quiz him some more. We've never really discussed other girls' names, so I think it's come out of leftfield for him a bit.

The alternative I guess is to have my gran's name as a middle name and find something else as a first name ... At the moment I like Agatha and Agnes (though not Aggie), Martha, Magda - any more suggestions along those lines?

Or do I just go with the name we've had in midn for the past few years anyway?

OP posts:

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LittlePushka · 15/10/2008 23:47

I had to read this because the stress made me smile....! We kept both of out DC names under wraps to avoid problems until they were born; noone liked DS1's name at teh time and MIL refuses (disrespectfully in my opinion) to call DS2 by his diminutive known name.

So you can't win either way!!!

Congratulations on you DD arrival...I am sure she will grow right on into her names and claim them for herself!

CandleQueen · 15/10/2008 23:38

Congrats Anglepoise!
Edith/Edie has always been a favourite of mine. Glad you're happy with her name! Families are funny things, aren't they?!

Anglepoise · 15/10/2008 23:31

Thank you for the help - the name was Edith (known as Edie) and the film was the Usual Suspects (she's Gabriel Byrne's gf).

DD now 17 days old and ended up with a name that is a variant of Edith but with a different diminutive (but she can choose Edie later if she wants) (and kind, selfless granny's nickname for a middle name ).

ipanemagirl · 20/08/2008 19:11

really don't compromise, this is your baby, you shouldn't be thinking of other people's feelings, they'll soon adjust. It doesn't mean you don't love them!

WilyWombat · 20/08/2008 13:05

She will make the name her own in time so I wouldnt worry about it - give her a middle one too though - actually why not make that one her middle name and give her a different first name?

nappyaddict · 20/08/2008 12:59

picasso - i named my ds after my brother who died almost 7 years ago. the only person i felt i should ask was my mum and she said it would upset her but if that's what i wanted to call him then she would try to deal with it. my sister went mad. other people were upset with my choice but didn't tell me. other people told me it was sick, disgusting etc. my nan said she wouldnt call him that and would call him someone else. as soon as he was born all was forgotten.

beanieb · 20/08/2008 08:05

Do you still want suggestions for a first name. I love Martha and would consider it but would it go well with the middle name, or does that not matter?

Original poster

PicassoNorks · 20/08/2008 06:51

Sorry - I have been away at my mum's so no internet.

The name has been mentioned, but that's not the right film (I'm not that classy ).

Anyway - an update ... I had a brief chat with DH after posting on here and he said that he'd kind of got used to it and had always thought of our DD having that name, so I thought we might as well leave it and liked the idea of "reclaiming" the name!

Then I went to see my mum because my aunt (her sister so shared MIL) was staying. Unfortunately aunt turned up very upset but something unkind/tactless that potential-namesake-granny had said to her which then led on to a rehash of some of the many unkind/tactless things that potential-namesake-granny has said and done, including not speaking to (kind, selfless, but sadly badly-named ) other granny for a couple of years over an imagined slight, which obviously upset my mum and her sister a lot.

Afterwards my mum came up to me and said outright you can't call DD name X you know, and said again that she would call her a nickname instead. I'd been thinking about asking so it was quite useful to know.

I then mentioned this to DH, who said that it wasn't up to my mum! He's right of course, though that's not the kind of thing he would usually say, and I'm still nervous about causing upset in the family I know it's up to me and DH but also feel a certain amount of loyalty to my mum, who obviously feels loyalty to her mum too, so personally I think a middle name might be the way to go now. Who knew all this would get so complicated?!

Thanks for letting me witter on - this is a great sounding board

OP posts:

onlygirlinthehouse · 20/08/2008 00:03

Go with the name you chose in the first place, you are only having a crisis cos your brain is addled due to baby hormones.

I remember being convinced there would be a war b4 I gave birth to ds2 and there wouldnt be any pain relieving drugs and I would have to give birth on my own. Looking back brain had completely gone weird

Stich with the name you always wanted, everyone will get used to it I promise.

ipanemagirl · 20/08/2008 00:02

PicassoNorks (great name)

trust your instincts

It's too big a thing to get wrong!

Middle name much safer imo.

dh slightly bullied me into ds's name when I faltered in the 2 weeks after he was born. I love the name now but it really upset me to be so railroaded when I was very vulnerable.

Don't compromise if you can avoid it. You should, if you can , LOVE the name! And if dh is amenable you choose. Frankly, the family can stuff it, this is a really important decision, they'll accept it and move on.

good luck!

beanieb · 19/08/2008 23:57

shortened to Edie - Lovely.

TenaciousG · 19/08/2008 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortyplus · 19/08/2008 15:57

If you love the name then go for it - your mum and the others will thank you eventually as they will associate the name with dd rather than anyone else

twosofar · 19/08/2008 15:54

Is it Edith? If it is, I love it and she may wind up an Edie anyway. Edith on my list for non existant DD.
Other similar old school names - Dorothea, Mabel, Theodora, Nancy, Dulcie, Bessie, Florence.

eyeballs · 19/08/2008 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beanieb · 19/08/2008 10:02

I really want to know what the film was. Go on - give us a clue!

Cappuccino · 19/08/2008 09:45

it will be her name, not your gran's

TwoWindyDays · 19/08/2008 09:40

dilith?

nappyaddict · 19/08/2008 02:16

is it lillian? elspeth? can't think of anything else similar to lillith at the minute.

HumphreyHassock · 18/08/2008 23:58

wait until you see your DD - see if the name suits her.
she'll be her own person anyway, so the connection with anyone else will soon fade as her personality comes out.

beanieb · 18/08/2008 23:55

What was the film?

LynetteScavo · 18/08/2008 23:28

I would use it as a middle name.

Original poster

PicassoNorks · 18/08/2008 23:22

seeker I just had to Google to check! but no, I don't think so.

Thanks for all the replies even though I'm still confused (pregnancy hormones probably!)

OP posts:

Mamazon · 18/08/2008 23:13

your naming your daughter a name you like.

she is a totally different person to your gran.

Rose is a beautifull name that is becoming increasingly popular. im quite sure that people don't look into prams at beautifull innocent babies and think of Mrs West!

seeker · 18/08/2008 23:12

Is it the name of a long standing character in the Archers?

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