Would you use a name you know your friend LOVES and has been 'saving' ....

I have a friend with a Lucinda who we call Luci and Lucy is one of the names dh and I like for dc3 so I asked my friend what she thought. She is a friend I see maybe once a month. Our children only really see each other in the school holidays. Friend doesn't mind as she pointed out there are alot of other Lucy's out there. I think it's your friends situation that makes it hard but i would ask her and if she was against, I wouldn't do it unless it had been a name that I had loved for years, allways planned on using etc.

SIL called her daughter the name I have always wanted for a DD. She had no idea I liked it and I bear no grudge at all. Her kid, her choice.

However, although I still like the name I now associate only with my niece and have gone off it for a child of my own for that reason.

My best friend pinched my favourite girl name after specifically asking if there were any names I wanted (i was pg at the time). I had a boy so it didn't matter and I doubt there'll be any more kids. I am over it but she was really annoyed with me cos the name I called my son is the nickname she wanted for her first daughter!

I don't think it unfair to 'bagsy' a name as such. I do think, though, that if someone were to use a name I clearly said I was planning on using that they should be prepared for the fact that I would still use the name myself.

I think that you're doing a lovely thing. She's going to be stressed enough as it is, and there are plenty of lovely names to go around. To be honest, DH and I have always had several names on the go for both genders, both times that I've been pregnant, partly because of this problem.

Poppy is not an unusual name so I don't see the problem. I really, really wanted to call DD1 Esme but DH wouldn't agree cos a friend of his had a daughter called Esme. When DD1 was about 4mths he fell out with friend and we've never seen them again- 5 yrs later. Was fuming to say the least.

difficult situation but i think you should steer clear of the name (beautiful though it is)... even though she may never have a girl

I agree with Hester. really I think it's unfair for people to bagsy names for children they don't yet have (even tho I've got a couple up my sleeve that I hope others don't use) but since she has and since she has difficult circumstances I'd probably steer clear. Apart from anything else you don't want any reason to feel uncomfortable about your dd's name. But if you really don't see her very often, or if you're likely to be living further apart etc then I'd worry less. I've got a friend who phoned up anohter friend to ask if she'd mind her calling her new son the same name as the friend's ds. The ds was older and hte friend was flattered, but bit different as she'd named him first.

Normally I think it's ridiculous when women fuss about others 'stealing' 'their' names.

But, if I understood you right, your friend has lost one baby and is now having IVF in the hope of conceiving a girl? I really think you need to tread carefully; she will be feeling very sensitive. If she doesn't conceive, it may feel to her like you've got the baby she was meant to have.

Do ask her, by all means, but personally I would be considering the middle name option.

I'd ask her what she'd think. My best friend and I were pg at the same time - she was due a month before me. One night she mentioned if she had a boy (she didn't know the sex) she'd call him Thomas. Which was the name dh and I had decided we would use. I couldn't decide whether to raise the issue with her, but in the end I did. She and I talked about it and agreed it would be a good thing if they were both called Thomas - as we hoped they'd spend time playing together we thought they might appreciate sharing a name.

In the event, she had a girl and we called ds something totally different as he just wasn't a Thomas when he turned up.

We didn't tell anyone dd's potential name and were on tenter hooks in case anyone used it, but I only know about 3 people with that name, all of whom I knew afterwards (or knew of their dd afterwards iyswim).

No I wouldn't - if she never had a girl, if you saw her and called 'Poppy' it would hurt her every time.

Also, if you think of another name then it will be entirely without any worry/stress and you can enjoy it more without fretting about your friend and whether you did the right thing.

I have never told friends 'my' name for unborn (and unconceived) ds. It is too special to me and I would be gutted if someone else I knew had it first. And as someone said above, it would be just as bad (if not worse) if I never had ds (really want 2nd child but am single mum)

VictorianSqualor - pamper that dog! it must not die!

MiL has told me that when her dog dies she is going to get a new one and call ir Rufus. As half of MN can probably verify I have wanted rufus as a boys name for number 4 (if it's a boy) for months. I'm not pg yet, and ehr dog isn;t dead.
It's a race to the finish

(I even told her when she mentioned it the other day that it was a name we had chosen for our fourth, if it's a boy but she said again yesterday about how she wants a dog called Rufus...)

Disenchanted, I'm so glad you're not going to use it! SIL did this unintentionally to me this year, she had a dd shortly before I found out I was having my 4th ds and used "my" dd's name. I cried buckets!

I've chosen my unborn DS2's names and my niece whined "thats the name I was going to have if i ever get pg and have a boy" when MIL opened her big fat rancid trap and told her

I just said to DH "tell her to fuck off"

But I think you're doing the right thing not having your mate's name!

I used the same name as one of my oldest friend's little boy, I asked her she said she didn't mind, I would have used a different one if she minded.

In our group of friends someone used a name that another couple had chosen... they were very upset, and still are, they have never managed to conceieve and are very bitter to the other friend, though know it is irrational as feel they 'stole' their name and in a silly way their child (though she knows that this is unreasonable)

if your friend never has a girl, she will be upset and potentially more so if you use her name

No I wouldn't.

I think you are being gracious and loving to a friend in not using it. I just hope you find another name that you like. Its ok to not decide before hand and just have some ideas and try them out when the baby is born.

Its a lovely name, but I think you have made the right decision.

We chose what we would name a boy long before even trying for a baby. Then in the year we were trying, dh's cousin got pregnant, had a boy, and used 'our' name. They had no idea it was our name (1st name, middle, and same surname) and that same week we had a miscarriage after nearly a year of trying. We were absolutely devastated that 'our' baby had gone to them, which I know is completely ridiculous and not true, but when you've wanted something for so long and someone else gets it, it really really hurts. When we got pg again, we told them we had picked out the same name a long time ago and would they mind if we used it too? We were asking out of politeness so never expected the answer we got of 'actually we'd rather you didn't'. Well of course they have no right not to tell us that we can't use a certain name, but knowing it would make them unhappy did make us think twice, but there was no other name we liked so we went into labour still having no idea what we'd do. Thankfully the situation was resolved when we had a girl!! (and had to hastily think of a name - we'd got so hung up on the boys name thing we'd never considered girls, doh!). Now we're pg again and we've discussed THE name...and its fallen out of favour with both of us over the last 2 years and we've happily settled on another.

So that doesn't really help except to say that I've been on the side of being the irrational hormonal really-want-to-have-a-baby end of name 'stealing' and it hurts. What CSWS said about 'she's not even pregnant and there's a chance she may never be' to me is a reason NOT to use it - she may never get 'her' Poppy and may always struggle with yours, however irrationally. I know that I still struggle with dh's cousin (who we see about twice a year) because of 'what they put us through' (in my mind) when actually of course in getting pregnant, having a boy and naming it, they've not actually done anything wrong.

Sorry, I'm waffling now!!