Reasons not to share your baby name in advance

I have great respect for my MIL who is normally very diplomatic. When I was pregnant we told her our baby name, which was a very normal name and one we had actually settled on years before, and she said “hmmm…give it some more thought”! I was crushed but we still loved it and used it! It doesn’t have to even be direct criticism, implied disapproval is bad too.

I remember that thread

@GirlsHoliday , if someone told me the baby was going to be Freya I might say 'It sounds like frayed - like threadbare or worn' or something. The name is ok though and Freya isn't questionable.

I do find it quite interesting when people say that they don't want to share before birth because they're expecting that they'll receive criticism or negative comments. If you're even too afraid to share the name or feel some level of embarrassment about it then how do you expect your child to go through life with that name and have to introduce themselves as that name? Are you not worried that they'll also feel some level of embarrassment/awkwardness about their name? Just a different perspective.

I'm aware that some perfectly standard normal names receive criticism from friends and family, but I'm referring to situations where the parents don't want to share the name because they're well aware of how questionable/bizarre of a name it is and how it's perceived by the majority of people.

My sister told me my nephew’s name before he was born and I honestly hate it and still do. If she had just presented the name and baby together, I wouldn’t have had the first response be associations rather than him and I wouldn’t have had months of think, “what is she thinking?!” And being careful not to put my foot in my mouth!

I didn’t have a name before giving birth, just a list and then took a few days to find the best fit. Middle names are more set in advance for me.

People always have an opinion. The name won't always be liked. People always feel more ruthless in giving opinions before a baby is born.

@PleaseDontAsk , I went to a school where there wasn't much diversity in surnames so middle names were often used. We even had teachers with the same names e.g. David Roberts (English) and David Roberts (Physics).

If you were something like Noah James Smith or Olivia Rose Taylor, you'd probably have a namesake at the school and maybe one in your year.

(changed the names involved)

Quite I know someone with ASS as initials. He made a joke that his parents got him a monogrammed bath robe as a child that had ASS on it but other than that it was never an issue.

Because it’s lovely to see the baby and have a double check that the name feels the right fit.

People are more likely to change your mind based on their opinion if you state in advance.

Having said that I’d just say “we’re still working on a shortlist” rather than “we’ve firmly decided the full band but don’t want to tell you”.

No but it doesn't really flow or sound nice. The first and middle name together were fine. The first name and surname not fine.

Again, how frequently would the child be referred to by their full name but with just the initial for the middle name? Unless they were John F Kennedy? I just don’t think it matters, it would need to be pointed out to most people. Middle names are rarely even mentioned let alone initialised

I’m wondering if you have a name that sounds like a euphemism now 😂

I also think people can be very rude and snobby about kids names - I personally don’t like 99% of names and wouldn’t choose them but they’re not my kids so what’s the point in vocalising that? The only genuine opinion I would give on a baby name would be if I loved it. Otherwise I’d say “that’s nice” and leave the parents with the freedom to choose the name they loved - their kids after all.

I have a really sensible, intelligent relative, who was planning Oscar Ward, middle name Abraham.

It took another relative to point out that their name would be Oscar A Ward

They changed it.

@ChakaKan , I agree with you but I wish my parents had had Baby names to ask.
DC have run-of-the-mill, easy to spell and say first names, and no middle name for a reason.

I remember asking someone if they had names lined up and they said a girl's name and a boy's name. Both nice names.
The girl's name was one with an obvious short version (eg. Rosalind - Ros). I said 'Rosalind's beautiful but she'll be Ros'.
The mother-to-be pulled a face.
The baby born about a fortnight later was a boy.
He is now an adult known by the obvious diminutive of his name (eg Dan short for Daniel).

Not the actual names.

It depends if you’re bothered. I personally also don’t care what randoms on the internet think of my choice of baby names, you could post any name on here and there would be someone who hated it. If we like it, that’s good enough for us. We always felt capable of spotting potential name issues e.g Mike Hunt. It crops up naturally when you’re discussing names doesn’t it? Doesn’t everyone test them out with the surname etc, write it down, say it aloud?

Also I don’t particularly care about middle names. They are hardly ever used and I don’t even know most of my friends / extended family’s middle names. So another thing I think of as a non issue - pick one you like, or don’t - they’re not compulsory

Off the top of my head:

1. you might change your mind once they’re here
2. negative opinions beforehand
3. people who can’t keep it to themselves
4. the beginnings of boundaries - you will be offered opinions on parenting by all and sundry, and you need to get used to smiling, nodding, ignoring and saying no
5. everyone wants a piece of a newborn - yes it’s exciting, but sometimes you need to keep things just in your little family, not everything has to be shared

People might make negative comments. You might change your mind.

Just tell people you haven't decided yet.

Telling people youve chosen it and refusing to divulge just comes across as arsey.

There was a MN poster whose Mum got a tattoo of the expected baby’s name as a ‘surprise’ - only to discover that they had changed their mind and named the baby something else. The Mum was insistent that they revert to tattoo name 🤣

Other people make negative comments in advance that they wouldn't with a fait accompli (sp, can't be bothered to look it up)

Similar ,trying to get you to change your mind.

My DD’s paternal grandma can’t keep her mouth shut and likes to post everything on fb so she was one of the last to find out about baby’s sex, name, birth etc.

@ChakaKan , I think asking on here can be good but usually the focus is on how the first name flows with the middle name without considering the surname.
Isaac James is fine but Isaac Cox isn't.

My DM was disparaging about every single name we aired so when we got to the final 3 names we didn't mention them.

In our nct group there we a name gazumping where a couple who had their baby earlier used the name a separate couple had been clear they were using with their baby who hadn't been born yet. It caused quite a stir.

We didn’t because;
We didn’t even find out the sex, pre-birth. I kept a distinction. Between pregnancy and the birth of the baby.
And if I had known the sex we wouldn’t have told anyone. I can’t stand the way the sexist chat starts even pre-birth with everyone projecting stereotypes etc and buying pink / blue stuff
Announcing name choices invokes views, judgement, the idea that naming is some sort of committee decision. We did have general name discussion but never announced our preferences
Once a baby is born people are more likely to accept a name and not voice any disapproval as the baby itself is the focus.