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Baby names

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Original poster

Would using my mother-in-law's name upset my own mum?

112 replies

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:15

We're having our second child and plan on giving her the same name as DH's mum. I am worried that my mum is going to get upset when we announce, but I love my mum, and the decision isn't personal. I'm hoping that she'll understand. My mum has a strange name that is almost always misspelt and mispronounced. It is a diminutive/NN of another name that is never used in the UK but is rarely used in Spanish-speaking countries (that we have no connection to). I would never tell her this, but we just don't like the name much and don't want to burden our DC with a name like that. DH's mum has a name that is old-fashioned (dated) but easy to pronounce and spell. We both really like it. I have thought about making the middle name my mum's name, but I almost think that would be worse than not using it at all. Would you be upset if your child had done this?

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JJB3 · 29/05/2026 18:09

I think many are much too sensitive to perceived slights, but maybe I have a different view because I would never want my own name to be inflicted upon any of my grandchildren to spare my feelings. Surely (if she’s a sensible woman) she will understand why you would not want to give her grandchild a name that is difficult to live with and unusual for those of your ethnicity/nationality to have?

ginasevern · 29/05/2026 17:59

If you mix their names together then you aren't using the MIL's name that you love. So what's the point? You might as well pick a different name altogether. And yes, if you choose MIL's name you will upset your own mum, but really you already know that.

Violetparis · 29/05/2026 17:58

Find another name or you will hurt and upset your mother. Not sure why you can't see this.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 29/05/2026 17:57

flagpolesitta · 29/05/2026 17:37

All those saying it will upset her mum, if she was using her mums name would you say ‘don’t do that it will upset MIL’

Edited

Yes, because shock horror, I love my MIL too.

LondonTipton99 · 29/05/2026 17:55

It would upset me if it was me

I would pick another name entirely or try to mix their names together somehow

Notsosweetcaroline · 29/05/2026 17:53

Dizzydrizzy · 29/05/2026 17:41

I’d be upset tbh and I’m usually pretty level. I think you should find your DD her own name. There’s lots of them to choose from.

I’d also be upset, I’d hide it, but it would make me feel upset. I suspect it would most. And if the ops child has kids, she will feel the same if it’s done to her,

Stoicandhappy · 29/05/2026 17:53

Cara would be much better.

Honestly I think most women would be upset if their DGD was just given their other grandmothers name. It’s pretty insensitive.

moose62 · 29/05/2026 17:53

Although I wouldn't show it I would be upset and feel hurt if my DD gave her daughter her MILs name even if I didn't want her to use mine. It is probably irrational but it would upset me none the less.
It is such a personal thing to do and there are so many thousands of beautiful names out there that I would like her to use something original and not tied to her MIL.

Notsosweetcaroline · 29/05/2026 17:52

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:48

Thank you for this. I hadn’t thought of it. Maybe Cara for a combination name? It combines the first letter of my mum’s name with the ending of my MIL’s name.

She has said that she hates the questions that she gets about her name.

Show quote history

That’s a good idea, I think honouring one and not the other is not good. You could have both as middle names, that’s what I did and give your child her very own name,

JumpingRabbit · 29/05/2026 17:50

flagpolesitta · 29/05/2026 17:37

All those saying it will upset her mum, if she was using her mums name would you say ‘don’t do that it will upset MIL’

Edited

Yes I would, but then I’m not a fan of sharing family names. Give the poor children their own identity.

Original poster
Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:48

PurpleEmerald · 29/05/2026 17:25

Are there any “mash up” names that would work? I don’t mean anything silly like Sarah and Jezebel become Jezah but Louise and Amara become Lara?
Does your mum acknowledge her name is tricky to spell/pronounce? That might help her understand your choice?

Thank you for this. I hadn’t thought of it. Maybe Cara for a combination name? It combines the first letter of my mum’s name with the ending of my MIL’s name.

She has said that she hates the questions that she gets about her name.

OP posts:
BeardySchnauzer · 29/05/2026 17:46

Does your first child have a name that honours a family member?

Mama1980 · 29/05/2026 17:44

Yes it will upset her. Unless your MIL has sadly passed or is critically ill then I would honestly just choose another name. To honour one mother but not the other seems a recipe for hurt and upset.

Dizzydrizzy · 29/05/2026 17:43

flagpolesitta · 29/05/2026 17:37

All those saying it will upset her mum, if she was using her mums name would you say ‘don’t do that it will upset MIL’

Edited

Yes of course

Moveoverdarlin · 29/05/2026 17:41

For an easy life, I would choose a different name. I think I would be miffed if my daughter did this.

I’m instantly put off by the fact you said the name was dated. I like classic names but dated names are a no no for me. and it depends how dated. Dated as in Janet, Pam, Brenda, Sue? Or dated as in Donna, Joanne, Laura?

Either way, I’d pick something different.

Dizzydrizzy · 29/05/2026 17:41

I’d be upset tbh and I’m usually pretty level. I think you should find your DD her own name. There’s lots of them to choose from.

sittingonabeach · 29/05/2026 17:41

I would just use another name. They are their own person

littlemousebigcheese · 29/05/2026 17:41

I would use a different name. You can’t do this to your mum, even if her name is ridiculous! It’s so mean and I can’t imagine any way she would be ok with it

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 29/05/2026 17:39

flagpolesitta · 29/05/2026 17:37

All those saying it will upset her mum, if she was using her mums name would you say ‘don’t do that it will upset MIL’

Edited

I would yes.

I personally wouldn't want to upset the other by using one of their names. Whether that was Mum or MIL.

There are loads of other names they could use and I think their DD should get her own name.

flagpolesitta · 29/05/2026 17:37

All those saying it will upset her mum, if she was using her mums name would you say ‘don’t do that it will upset MIL’

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 29/05/2026 17:37

I would use [MIL's first name] [DM's first name] [DM's middle name], and announce it along the lines of "we're naming her after our lovely mothers: X after DMIL and YZ after DM.

The two middle names from one grandmother balance out the prominence of the first name, and the wording of the birth announcement can point to honouring them equally.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/05/2026 17:37

Why can't DD have her own name?

ShetlandishMum · 29/05/2026 17:35

We discussed it as my mum's name is for our culture pretty rare and imposible to spell. She would have understood but in the end none of the children are named after our parents.

JumpingRabbit · 29/05/2026 17:33

Unless you are honouring her because she’s dead or has some critical illness then yes I think it will upset your mum. Just choose another name.

azuresky50 · 29/05/2026 17:31

Definitely use a different name...

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