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Baby names

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Original poster

Would using my mother-in-law's name upset my own mum?

112 replies

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:15

We're having our second child and plan on giving her the same name as DH's mum. I am worried that my mum is going to get upset when we announce, but I love my mum, and the decision isn't personal. I'm hoping that she'll understand. My mum has a strange name that is almost always misspelt and mispronounced. It is a diminutive/NN of another name that is never used in the UK but is rarely used in Spanish-speaking countries (that we have no connection to). I would never tell her this, but we just don't like the name much and don't want to burden our DC with a name like that. DH's mum has a name that is old-fashioned (dated) but easy to pronounce and spell. We both really like it. I have thought about making the middle name my mum's name, but I almost think that would be worse than not using it at all. Would you be upset if your child had done this?

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SkippitySkoppity · 30/05/2026 01:18

And yes, OP, agree with everyone else, there are many beautiful names in the world, choose one of those! Bit odd you felt obliged to name her after one of the grandmothers. Feels like a dilemma from the 1930s.

SkippitySkoppity · 30/05/2026 01:14

Cocoamarshmallow · 29/05/2026 22:24

It’s spelt the same but the word for friend isn’t pronounced like the name, it’s said corr-a.

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Of course they're pronounced the same 😬

That's like saying the girls' name Ivy isn't pronounced the same as the Ivy plant.

User711985 · 29/05/2026 22:50

It isn’t personal???

user293948849167 · 29/05/2026 22:49

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:48

Thank you for this. I hadn’t thought of it. Maybe Cara for a combination name? It combines the first letter of my mum’s name with the ending of my MIL’s name.

She has said that she hates the questions that she gets about her name.

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This is a much better idea and Cara is lovely

Cocoamarshmallow · 29/05/2026 22:24

Grammarninja · 29/05/2026 20:48

Cara is a beautiful name. It's Irish for friend 🧡

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It’s spelt the same but the word for friend isn’t pronounced like the name, it’s said corr-a.

pteromum · 29/05/2026 21:03

She might hate her name. But to “honour” one when they are both here seems unfair.

Cara is lovely.

Grammarninja · 29/05/2026 20:48

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:48

Thank you for this. I hadn’t thought of it. Maybe Cara for a combination name? It combines the first letter of my mum’s name with the ending of my MIL’s name.

She has said that she hates the questions that she gets about her name.

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Cara is a beautiful name. It's Irish for friend 🧡

KnittyKnotty · 29/05/2026 19:55

Personally I would forget the idea, if your Mum is hurt by it then she'll be reminded of it every time she says the name forever more.

FasterSmootherBrighterRicher · 29/05/2026 19:51

Cara is an excellent compromise! It means “dear” in Italian and you can say that they are both dear to you. Love the Irish meaning too.

Soontobe60 · 29/05/2026 19:34

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:31

We’re honouring her, but it’s also fortunate that we really like the name. We wouldn’t use it as first name if we didn’t like it. I do wish that my mum’s name was something less unusual because I would love to honour her in this way.

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If my DDs used their MILs name for their child I think I’d be absolutely gutted. Because it would signal to me that they thought more of her than me. It’s a gut feeling rather than logical.

Nofeckingway · 29/05/2026 19:27

Cara means friend in Ireland

SparklyGlitterballs · 29/05/2026 19:25

My name was common enough in the 60s when I was born, but it's no longer used for babies, in fact it's officially extinct according to the Office for National Statistics. I don't expect my DC to use it for their own children, even as a middle name, because it isn't trendy. I think I'd feel sad though if my DD used her MILs name to honour her.

devildeepbluesea · 29/05/2026 19:18

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:48

Thank you for this. I hadn’t thought of it. Maybe Cara for a combination name? It combines the first letter of my mum’s name with the ending of my MIL’s name.

She has said that she hates the questions that she gets about her name.

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This is a lovely idea and a lovely name

DoubleShotEspresso · 29/05/2026 19:15

OP this is a terrible idea, your own mother may or may not tell you, but this is guaranteed to cause upset. The fact you are asking here is a big clue you already know this.
Choose another name & family harmony. You can honour both mothers in different ways.

momtoboys · 29/05/2026 19:07

I would never do that to my mum. There are millions of names to choose from and you have to use the name that will hurt your mother?

RandomMess · 29/05/2026 19:06

Is there another female name or surname from your Mum’s family you could use to honour her?

Tabarnak · 29/05/2026 19:02

'Honour' both your MIL and your Mum in some other way if that is what you would like to do.

Kids deserve their own names, just for them. Not to be used as a vehicle for 'honouring ' others.

And especially don't do this if your children will have the same surname as your MIL.

Massive potential for confusion apart form anything else.

And yes, however brave a face she puts on, your Mum will feel sidelined.

Just choose another name that you both like.

ShepherdsBlanket · 29/05/2026 18:59

Don’t use either of their names. Choose something either no connections to either.

Tulipsriver · 29/05/2026 18:57

Unless MIL is dead then it would probably upset her. She might hide it from you, but I can't really see how she wouldn't be offended by you choosing to honour your child's other grandmother over her.

PurpleEmerald · 29/05/2026 18:52

Dallief · 29/05/2026 17:48

Thank you for this. I hadn’t thought of it. Maybe Cara for a combination name? It combines the first letter of my mum’s name with the ending of my MIL’s name.

She has said that she hates the questions that she gets about her name.

Show quote history

Cara is a beautiful name, unusual but easy to spell and pronounce but I agree with another poster who said make sure you love it as much (if not more) than your original choice. Otherwise do just pick something neutral.

If your mum acknowledges the difficulties with her name, it might be worth having a conversation about it. My mum always said her (imo lovely) name was a pain in this country (ancient Scottish name and the name of an underworld tunnel city in lord of the rings!) but now she has passed I would use it in a heartbeat.

newfriend05 · 29/05/2026 18:16

its going to upset her OP

LocalHobo · 29/05/2026 18:16

Depends if your DM likes her name I guess. My MIL, for example, hated her name and, way before we had DC, used to tell us to never saddle any future children with 'difficult' names.
I don't get this 'honour' thing though. If you allocate names by who you pay the most respect towards, then it would be offensive to choose one grandmother over the other. Not a custom I have seen used where I reside.

Lulu1919 · 29/05/2026 18:14

Try find another name
i am a granny and I’d have been a bit sad if my daughter had given her daughter get mils name

user3769863490 · 29/05/2026 18:13

No - give the baby their own name. What happens when/if you have another one in a couple of years? You’ll be under pressure to call that one your mums name if it’s a girl!

Threelip · 29/05/2026 18:09

Sorry if this has been asked. Why are you honouring your MIL? Unless there is a very unique backstory, I fail to see how your own mum would not be upset.

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