Would using my mother-in-law's name upset my own mum?

I love having family names passed down generations

I see both my first name and second name going back as far as I have traced my family tree into the 1750s
I love that
My first name is my dads mums name and my second name is both my mums and her mums name

Then I have a third name too. I’ve just found out it’s from a baby my mum had and was forced to give away, yhe name at least living on in me
My family live on in my names. I love that

This

Whereas my middle name is passed down through the generations & I love that. I'd equally have loved it if it was traditionally passed down through first names. 💁🏻‍♀️.

as it is I also love how I came to have my name (not in the family previously) & I've always liked it.

If you both love the name then use it

We don’t of course have to name our kids after anyone in the family but we should be allowed, without judgement, to choose a name we like

That’s what you’ve done
Just explain it to your mum. Don’t wait for her to comment first

I would definitely use a different name.

I don't, I agree with @Tabarnak

I like *Cara well enough as a name, but it doesn't honour either mother, let alone both, it just randomly uses some if the same letters.

not Irish 🤣🤣. Pronounced to rhyme with Lara/Tara.

There's no major reason (you've mentioned) to 'honour MIL'. NAME YOUR DD another name you both love. There's no need to upset your mum or complicate things.

honour them BOTH by treating them well 💕

The first speaker’s pronunciation of Cara in the link below is how I usually hear the name said in Ireland @SkippitySkoppity.
(The speaker is Irish.)

It sounds different to cara (friend) as linked upthread.

I accept the name must be said differently in your accent though.

https://forvo.com/word/cara_dillon/

We gave my first daughter her own name, plus our mothers' names as middle names. My son is named after my dad, with my father in law's name as his middle name. We told my father in law the truth, which was that we really like my father's name, rather than preferring him or wishing to honour him more than my father in law. Both men are super relaxed and would struggle to be offended either way.

I was called after my mother, grandmother and great grandmother. It made me feel that I wasn't a person in my own right. My DH and I were determined that our children would have names of their own.

I adored my MIL and I loved her name. But we didn't even use it as a middle name.

Good for you?

I wasn't dictating how people pronounce the name. I was disagreeing with another Irish person that in Ireland Cara and cara have different pronunciations.

My family is Italian, I pronounce it in the Italian way, I don’t think you can dictate people pronounce it in the Irish way as you’ve two mates who do.

That’s really harsh, I think it’s a lovely gesture.

Your mother will love that you honour the child's other grandmother. That is lovely. I can't see jealousy at all.

I would certainly add a middle name for your own mother. Use her actual name or her second or surname. or her mother's name.

It used to be common to name a first daughter after both grandmothers.

I’m not sure I would feel ‘honoured’ to have my initial plonked on someone else’s name to make a mix of our two names.

Fine, call your child Cara if you love the name per se, but don’t expect your Mum and MIL to be elated that you have blended their names.

I wouldn’t be upset, just bemused and a bit eye rolley.

I want my grandchildren to have names that their parents love and that hopefully they wil enjoy being called.

Almost certainly

My mum would be upset. Even if it was a middle name.

Cara is a lovely name. I wouldn’t give my child the same first name as someone else close in the family who was still alive either tbh.

Well, I linked the Irish pronunciation of the Irish word cara upthread. Maybe others can weigh in if they think that’s the usual pronunciation of the name Cara?

Where I’m from in Ireland it’s most definitely not 🤷‍♀️
I am in no way confused about this.

Presumably you have a different accent than I do. As I said though, I don’t think the Irish pronunciation as given upthread is the one most people use for the name, but things can vary a lot depending on accent I know.

And the Caras I know (one is in her 40s, two are teens and one is 8) pronounce their name just like the Irish word cara. How unsurprising! 😂

As I said, you seem confused. But carry on pronouncing the name in the Italian style if that's your preference. One must find amusement in this world.

Will the child’s surname come from you or your husband?

since dd had my surname, we made sure any family name connections were from dh’s side. If we had gone with his surname, we would have done the reverse.

I thought that since our kids got my husband's last name, I wanted their first names to honour my family. My mother didn't like her own first name, so we named our daughter after my mother's best friend (my husband's suggestion).

I don’t pronounce the name Cara as corr-a, like I do the Irish word.

I have a friend Cara (she’s Irish as am I) and it’s pronounced to rhyme with Tara or Lara.

As I said, the usual name pronunciation comes from Italian, not Irish.

What Irish person pronounces Cara any differently from, ummm, Cara? It's literally the same word. I'm afraid you're not making any sense, mo chara.

No, of course they’re not!

The word cara, which means friend in the Irish language, isn’t pronounced the same way as the name Cara.

With Ivy (name or plant) you’re not swapping between languages, with Cara/cara you are. The name pronunciation is Italian in origin I think. Definitely not the Irish pronunciation in any Irish dialect anyway …I’ve linked those below.

https://www.teanglann.ie/en/fuaim/cara

Have you ever asked your mum what she thinks of her name? I know mine didn’t like hers and would have been horrified if we had used it for her grandchild. I also had a friend who wanted to use both her mum’s and MIL’s name for her daughter. When she told her MIL - after the child was born - MIL’s reaction was “think again dear”.
so it may not be the problem you think it is. If you like the name go with it.