Would using my mother-in-law's name upset my own mum?

I was named after my Grandfather. To be honest, I never liked it. The name itself is fine, but as a kid it always felt like pressure, like I was meant to be a little him, have this extra connection with him compared to my brother and cousins.

None of this came from my parents or family by the way, it was entirely self inflicted, but kid me just felt like "Well I'm named after this person, so I should feel closer to him than my other grandparents, and I just don't"

It felt like a bit or my identity, my name, wasn't really mine. I was just borrowing it from someone else. It's an unpleasant feeling.

So I'd advise not saddling your kids with a relatives name. Pick something thats theirs, that you chose for them, rather than for the person you want to honour.

I hate when threads get derailed. Not to be rude, but is it truly relevant to this thread whether someone pronounces Cara the Irish or Italian way or how Cara is pronounced in Ireland? I’m sure the OP knows how she wants it to be pronounced…

I’m shocked at how against family/honour names PP are. It’s a common custom. You don’t need a reason to want to use your MIL’s (or anyone else’s) name. Liking the name is reason enough.

A child can and will be their own person even if they are named after someone else. It’s ridiculous to think they can’t. It’s almost as ridiculous as the people who think a child needs to be given a ‘unique’ name in order to be an original or interesting person.

We used FILs name, which is a family name, no one my side has commented on it….

I should add…it’s possible of course that some sub-dialects say the word cara a bit differently, more like the name. I don’t know them all!
It’s definitely not the more usual pronunciation of the word though.

PP seemed incredulous that everyone in Ireland doesn’t say cara and Cara the same and I was surprised by that.

Do you mean the pronunciation of the name Cara varies within Ireland@deeahgwitch? It seems it must if pp is correct? I’ve only heard it to rhyme with Tara/Lara personally, but I’m guessing pp must say it differently.

The word cara (friend) doesn’t actually vary much by Irish language dialect. Some Irish words vary a lot depending on which dialect you speak, but others don’t really.

www.teanglann.ie/en/fuaim/cara

It depends on what part of Ireland you are from @ShepherdsBlanket
The pronunciations are different depending on the area.

Yes, but I think the other poster just meant that if you’re saying ‘friend’ as Gaeilge, it’s not pronounced like that.

I’m Irish and pronounce Cara to rhyme with Tara and Lara.

This is a much better idea

I'd pick a different name for the first name and then use both Grandmother's names as middle names (or the combination name as the middle name).

You don’t need to justify to anyone why you don’t want to use your Mum’s name! You sound like you feel obligated in some way?

Yes, just choose something different. Naming babies after relatives is a weird thing to do anyway, let the new baby be their own person not a 'copy' or memory of someone else.

That is quite nice? Do you like it?

I'm guessing MIL is Lara or Laura?

For the love of God, use another name and don’t invite drama. With the thousands of names available, you need to use your MIL’s?🤨, just pick something else unrelated to both of them. Make life drama free.

It’s a bit of a strange thing to be upset about and seems more about ego. Honouring one grandparent doesn’t take away from your love for the other three. We honour different people in different ways. It’s not a competition.

To me, this would be like a father being upset that his daughter chose to take her husband’s surname and give her children her husband’s surname. It’s equally as irrational and ego driven.

I'm actually surprised that so many people would be upset about this. It wouldn't bother me at all (I've never liked my name. I wouldn't want a grand child burdened with it)

Im very level headed but would be hurt if my daughter did this and would think it equally hurtful to her mil if she named a child after me.( which she never would!)
Terrible idea.

I wouldn't use your mils name either.
Just because you and your DH really like the name isn't a good enough reason, there are hundreds of other names to choose from.
If you that, your own DMs feelings could be hurt for a very long time; from when her friends and family ask why you would do that, to every time your DM says your child's name.

Is there another name from your mum's family you could use? My mum has a quite rare Welsh name that she's always hated, but we used her mum's name as a middle name instead.

This

Just use whatever name you want.

I love Cara as a name op

I'd find it odd and a bit favouritist to 'honour' a living grandparent with a name unless that side of the family had some very strong tradition of doing so; I'm presuming in all this MIL is still alive, as none of OP's posts clarify.

I think most people understand a child being named after a deceased grandparent, but when both sides are alive it could feel like a slight. I think the combo name is a nice idea potentially.

Cara is a lovely name and perfect that it honours both DGM's names. You're onto a winner!