Baby name regret?

No advice just that I feel you. My son is 18 months old, I felt a tinge of uncertainty after we named him and it’s continued to get worse to the point I feel almost awkward telling people his name and I don’t like seeing it written down. I’d hate to think that feeling could persist for 4 years. Unfortunately (for me, or maybe fortunately) my husband absolutely loves our son’s name.

Honestly if your son is open to it and your husband is supportive I think do it now before school. Family will adjust. It’s honestly not much different to coining a nickname and only using that name, and some nicknames are really far from original names anyway.

You’re a good mom. I just wanted to say that. Often regret is tied to grief and it’s very very complicated. Don’t let anyone shame you. Trust your heart and I love the name Elliott! I think the current name as a middle completely honors the situation for all. It makes a lot of sense.

I know a fella called Richard who goes by James. It's not even his middle name. It's a nickname that came from a joke one day when he was in primary school and now he's in his 30's and people still call him it. Actually I know two!!! Another one is Peter and everyone calls him Chester. By everyone I mean everyone, the first guy I've known since school and have only ever known him as James...teachers, family, friends etc. Only met Ches recently but have been told it's the same deal, he's been Ches since he was about 5.

Nicknames can be anything you want. There was another Richard at school who is still to this day known as Lettuce. More obviously a nickname than James or Chester but just saying....

I wish I could message you privately. I’m in the same exact position. In total regret and guilt almost like I failed my kid. She is also 4 however I have no support from my husband I can’t even get guts to tell him. He know it bothers me but will ignore the conversation.

Oh OP I feel your pain. My DD2 is a similar age and still to this day I have a simmering regret about her name.

I think you should do what you need to do.

I wanted Rowan but my husband said absolutely no more R names (firstborn has an R name and my name also begins with an R). Which I really wish I had pushed on since I would be so happy now if she was called that. I get it would be confusing tho. Plus FIL and one of the cousins is called an R name so I get there are already a fair few in the extended family. My second choice was Elliot (so I obviously love your name choice ☺️) which we could have shortened to Ellie for a girl, but my husband was a big no on that again since it really is a boys name. But again, wish I’d pushed. I love androgynous names that aren’t common, and I think this is my issue wirh my DD2s name (as it’s not androgynous, tho it is uncommon so it doesn’t get the full satisfaction-tick-in-the-boxes).

In the end we settled on my third choice. This kinda adds to my guilt now cos it was still my choice but I dislike it now. I just got obsessed with having a nature ref but it’s pretty tenuous nature ref and I wish I’d researched more androgynous-leaning-girl names and forgot the nature ref. (Willow would have been better than this one! -my fourth choice, although not androgynous so maybe not, unless we called her Will).
We tie ourselves in knots don’t we!

In conclusion to my situation my DD is dead proud of her name letter, says it’s hers. She is protective over her name so I’m leaving her to it. Not saying you should, I’m just telling my story as it helps me. The only thing that helped me feel more at ease is that I made up a nickname for her which I call her (added pip to end of her name and also call her Pipsy sometimes but she sometimes corrects me with her real name) and when I say this I feel happy so I’m leaning into this.

My uncle is called Matt but later found out it’s his middle name. Turns out he hated being called David. So he would have made that change at somepoint. I hated my name at aged 15 as it was usual, and for a while I asked people to call me Emma, but it didn’t stick. Now my name seems to be everywhere -which is the wrong way around 😂.

I def think if you find yourself reacting to the name you don’t like and you have a chance to change it do it. It’s ruining your quality of life otherwise. We influence our kids in so many ways, conscious and unconscious, when you change it this will be one of the conscious ways. If you are happy your kids will be happy.
There are no rules to life, and there is nothing to stop you living your life how you want (-and I include mumsnet judgement in this 😬, hopefully those comments just helped you keep your resolve).

You’ve loved him through all of this that’s what matters. He likes the new name, you feel peace thinking about it, and your family supports you.

If your child is old enough to be able to choose a name from a list and understand the ramifications of a name change, that child is too old for you to just change their name because you feel bad. If the child were saying their name gets them bullied and THEY want to change their name, then it's a no brainer. But at this point it seems like you're the one who wants to do it, and no one knows what you'll think in two years or ten or when that child is 18 or 40.

Also, you can just say a name is anything you want. You don't have to introduce a child as Adelbert Steiner if you want his name to be Zidane. Let the kid keep his name, you can refer to him as whatever you want, and if he decides he likes to be called Spiderman you can call him that too.

You don't have to be Jenna, either, if you don't want to be.

My mum changed my brother's name when he was 9. It's because a random sports coach came out with a mispronunciation of our surname that when combined with his first name ended up sounding like a disease. My mum hyphenated the name, so instead of being e.g Jacob, he became Jacob-Rhys (not real name, obv).

It is not a conventionally hyphenated name like John-Paul or Mary-Anne, and initially to me it sounded very clunky. But it does the job, it prevents any further mispronunciations, and has opened up a world of new nicknames. Could you bear to hyphenate? Elliott-Rex or whatever might not be the most beautiful name, but over time you could just drop the 'Rex' between yourselves, and apart from his passport etc, he could just go by Elliott in life if he wanted to later on.

You seem to have made your mind up. You don’t need the approval of people here. You’ve laid out your reasons. I like the idea of moving his current name to his middle name. That way if he wants to later revert back to that it is still his name.

Have you tried using it to call him by it?

I think it's far too late personally and about your feelings, not your son.

Does he write his name now?

If he likes it and it doesn't overly complicate things like medical records then just do it.

Imo it isn't your name to change now is it?

You seem to have already made up your mind to change it so I doubt this will make any difference but anyway..

Personally, I think it’s far too late. As a pp said, you’d be changing the name for you, not for him. I have a 4yo myself and it would be hugely confusing and destabilising to ask them to suddenly start responding to a different name (plus for other siblings/family members/friends).

In your shoes I would be looking to find a way of coming to terms with the name he has so that you can park this and move on. And I would be making sure not to say or do anything that makes him doubt his name or think that you dislike it.

I had this with my son, the feeling has finally subsided now, he’s seven! He loves his name and it suits him, it does have lots of nickname options though and he uses them all! I do love his name now and I’m glad I didn’t change it but it has been a journey. It sounds to me like you’ve already made your decision. Whereas, I was on the fence; I wanted to change it but didn’t know what to/kept changing names). I think you should go with your gut, you don’t need affirmation. X

If you're sure the issue really is the name and not some underlying insecurity or anxiety issue then I would just get it changed. I don't think 4 is too old for a name change - after all, some people get their names changed far later in life and cope fine with it.

If you won't say his name, can you share what you want to change it to?

I think you are on the cusp of it being too late and you should bit the bullet and do it. You've thought it through well and everyone who matters is on board.

Sometimes we just make the wrong decision. You can change this one.

Bloody hell, why has it taken you so long to put up with a name you hate? Why won't you share the name? Is it something cringe like cinnamon or yoga mat?
Christ did you boy have a list with H?

Leave his name as it is and if he wants to change it in future himself then he can.

you say you feel guilt at his name, that’s your issue don’t put it onto your son and make him doubt his name.