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Baby names

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Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

459 replies

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 18:44

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
amusedbush · 20/07/2025 11:33

Your husband's choices are honking. Olive is such a frumpy name (sorry!) and has a totally different vibe to Athena. I'm not even going to give you my thoughts on Calliope.

I wouldn't choose Mary-Kate myself but it's fine, and nicer than your husband's choices. Francesca is lovely and definitely the best of the lot, in my opinion.

ETA: A deal's a deal. Your husband was perfectly happy to override your wishes when it was his turn, so he needs to shut up and take his medicine.

usedtobeaylis · 20/07/2025 11:17

Mirabai · 20/07/2025 10:52

That’s not true at all. OP compromised 100% on their firstborn and now DH is reneging on the agreement.

Exactly. The agreement and her concession on the first name was a compromise. He is now going back on his part of the compromise.

Goldbar · 20/07/2025 11:06

I have come across a number of men like this. They must be exhausting to their families. With them, familiarity breeds contempt. They're usually charming and good fun to strangers, but confrontational and dismissive of their so-called "loved ones" because they don't believe that they have anything to say which is valuable and they think their own views and opinions are so much more valuable.

Digdongdoo · 20/07/2025 10:55

Mirabai · 20/07/2025 10:52

That’s not true at all. OP compromised 100% on their firstborn and now DH is reneging on the agreement.

Nonsense. There's not an ounce of compromise in this daft naming system.

Mildorado · 20/07/2025 10:55

Mirabai · 20/07/2025 10:52

That’s not true at all. OP compromised 100% on their firstborn and now DH is reneging on the agreement.

Yes, I think this is the problem. They agreed, however silly we may think that is. The first baby got his choice, now this baby should get her choice.

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 10:54

Kate8889 · 20/07/2025 10:54

My husband vetoed Aloysius :( I understood why, although I still love the name

😁

Kate8889 · 20/07/2025 10:54

My husband vetoed Aloysius :( I understood why, although I still love the name

Mirabai · 20/07/2025 10:52

Digdongdoo · 20/07/2025 10:50

They're both as bad as each other. Neither willing to compromise. Doesn't bode well...

That’s not true at all. OP compromised 100% on their firstborn and now DH is reneging on the agreement.

Digdongdoo · 20/07/2025 10:50

usedtobeaylis · 20/07/2025 10:47

This, I just skipped two pages because I don't care at all what someone thinks of the names. What does it matter if teapot6478 likes his names but not hers? The point is that they compromised and made an agreement and he's now trying to back out or change the terms. She stuck to her part of the agreement, he should stick to his. That's it really.

They're both as bad as each other. Neither willing to compromise. Doesn't bode well...

usedtobeaylis · 20/07/2025 10:47

Step5678 · 20/07/2025 09:55

All the posters giving their opinions on the suggested names are completely missing the point. Nothing extreme has been suggested by the OP, yet he believes he has the right to renege on the agreement after getting his own way the first time. Huge red flag

This, I just skipped two pages because I don't care at all what someone thinks of the names. What does it matter if teapot6478 likes his names but not hers? The point is that they compromised and made an agreement and he's now trying to back out or change the terms. She stuck to her part of the agreement, he should stick to his. That's it really.

caringcarer · 20/07/2025 10:45

He needs to suck it up. DH and I agreed for our third DC, we already had 1 boy and 1 girl, that we had both compromised on both their names, so had 2 DC that had names neither of us loved, if it was a girl he could choose and if a boy I would choose. It was a boy and I chose his names.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/07/2025 10:41

NewDogOwner · 20/07/2025 10:26

None of this is healthy.

It's ridiculous, but it's what they both agreed. Her husband's choice of names for this baby are worse than OP's choices so there is no reason why he should get his own way again, just to keep the peace. That would mean that OP would have two daughters, both with names that she hated. No-one would agree to that.

Cucy · 20/07/2025 10:38

Both of you should absolutely get a say.

Imagine if it was an absolutely name like apple or vagina.

But as you have this rule, then the best compromise would be for you to pick your top names and then him agreeing on one of them.

Cucy · 20/07/2025 10:36

It’s absolutely ridiculous to name a child something that the other parent dislikes, rather than give them a ‘dull’ name.

Whats wrong with a dull name?

You sound like 2 kids fighting over a toy, it’s pathetic.

The rule was ridiculous anyway but you may not have even got pregnant again.

The rule should have been that you chose the name but DH agreed.
You never choose one that your DP doesn’t like.
And vice versa.

NewDogOwner · 20/07/2025 10:26

thepariscrimefiles · 20/07/2025 10:18

OP's DH called their child a name that OP hates. OP held up her side of the agreement by letting him choose. Now it's her DH's turn to let her choose, even if he hates the name.

None of this is healthy.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/07/2025 10:23

ThisZingyMember · 20/07/2025 10:09

We do.

Insist on giving this baby your maiden name. He seems to get his own way a lot.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/07/2025 10:22

Sunaquarius · 20/07/2025 10:17

I also think this was a naive agreement to make. Naming your child is a significant thing that you both have to be on the same page about.

In theory, he should let you name them whatever you want because of your agreement but i think it's unreasonable to expect anyone to name their child something they don't like, even if it's a trade.

Surely then OP's DH was unreasonable when he named their child a name that OP hated and still does? Why does he get to be totally unreasonable and get his own way on his choice of names with both children?

thepariscrimefiles · 20/07/2025 10:18

NewDogOwner · 20/07/2025 10:06

You can't call your child a name that its father hates.

OP's DH called their child a name that OP hates. OP held up her side of the agreement by letting him choose. Now it's her DH's turn to let her choose, even if he hates the name.

Sunaquarius · 20/07/2025 10:17

I also think this was a naive agreement to make. Naming your child is a significant thing that you both have to be on the same page about.

In theory, he should let you name them whatever you want because of your agreement but i think it's unreasonable to expect anyone to name their child something they don't like, even if it's a trade.

Pinty · 20/07/2025 10:16

NewDogOwner · 20/07/2025 10:06

You can't call your child a name that its father hates.

He hates all her choices. She doesn't like the be he chose for their first child.
He is going to hate everything she suggests.
She is carrying the baby and will give birth to the baby. He chooses this time

Pinty · 20/07/2025 10:14

KnickerlessParsons · 20/07/2025 09:25

I’m sorry OP, I know a deal’s a deal, but I’m with your DH. I don’t k like the names you’ve chosen and they really don’t marry well with your first daughter’s name.

Mary and Olive and Francesca and Olive go well together.
But he isn't going to like anything she chooses because he wants to choose

Mildorado · 20/07/2025 10:11

How far are you prepared to compromise? Will you stick to Mary-Kate Francesca?
I think Calliope is an awful name, I'm glad he doesn't get that choice.

ThisZingyMember · 20/07/2025 10:09

NameChange30 · 20/07/2025 10:01

I bet you and DD have his surname, too.

We do.

OP posts:
diddl · 20/07/2025 10:08

Is he generally a bully Op?

ThisZingyMember · 20/07/2025 10:08

diddl · 20/07/2025 09:29

I think Mary-Kate seems to be a love/hate name.

He shouldn't be trying to go back on the agreement but I get why he really doesn't want Mary-Kate tbh.

It is sounding as if he just wants his choice again.

Has he not even said that he would prefer Francesca to Mary-Kate?

He just doesn't want to entertain your choices at all?

He doesn't like Mary-Kate (individually or together) and Francesca at all. I can't imagine that he'd like my second choice either.

OP posts:
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