Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

So let me get this straight….you and Baby 1 have his last name. And he expects Baby 2 to have his last name. And he got free rein in choosing both Baby 1’s first and middle names, as your names were dismissed. And now he wants to back out of the agreement and get to unilaterally choose Baby 2’s first and middle names.

He’s being a Grade A Dick. I’m assuming he’s selfish in other aspects of life too? I’d go nuclear, and would probably take Baby 2 to the registry office alone, and give her the name of my choice.

I'd much rather be Mary-Kate than be Olive or Calliope. Olive sounds more like a name for a pet rather than a human being, and Calliope would be an inconvenience in the UK (constantly misspelt and pronounced incorrectly).

He essentially tricked you into allowing your firstborn to have a name you hate by future faking. He’s beyond selfish.

My strategy would be to tell him that either he sticks to the agreement or, to show he is serious about backing out of it, file to change Olive’s name to something you both like ahead of the birth of baby Number 2.

I’d also inform him you’re going back to your maiden name because youve realised you miss it now it’s become clear how much names matter. And baby no. 2 will be getting your maiden name too.

Start with an aggressive negotiation standpoint with an end goal to “meet him in the middle” with you getting sole decision making over baby no 2’s first and middle names, but allowing them both your DH’s surname and Olive to keep her name.

The winner of this will be determined by who is the most stubborn, so don’t try to defend your choices on the individual merit of your name choices. It will end up as a “might is right” scenario.

At least she can call herself Kate (lovely name) or Mary (a bit mil or gran but still a fine name). I honestly don’t know why Olive ever become popular though, (I mean from whence did its modern usage come?).

I named our second baby. It was a name that was consistently my first choice throughout the pregnancy. It’s not DH’s taste at all but the pregnancy and delivery was a bit rough so he didn’t offer up any objections.

To make it fair, he chose our third baby’s name. It’s not something I would have chosen but it’s objectively a nice name, so I was happy to let him have it.

I think it’s nice for each parent to choose a name - we would never have found something we both loved (DC1 was a complete fluke!) and the kids love hearing about who chose their name.

I can't believe you made this agreement to avoid "bland" names only to end up with Olive and arguing over Mary-Kate. Those are both incredibly bland to me! Also Olive makes me think Popeye.

I love Athena, Francesca is okay. I can see why he likes Calliope if he chose Athena - seems like he's into Greek names.

I would never have made this agreement in the first place! Like previous posters my partner and I made a list then swapped and each removed the ones from the other's list that we really didn't like. We eventually narrowed it down to 10, which we each put in order. The original plan was to pick the name that came out on top but my partner then said he preferred the second one (as it happens both 1 and 2 came from my list). Now we bought absolutely love our daughter's name. I'm pregnant again and we had more trouble this time but we've got a list of 10 so the next step is to put them in order. I'm slightly disappointed that he said no to a few of my absolute favourites but there are still plenty I really like and a couple I could live with.

Given that you did make the agreement your husband should honour it but I do think he should at least get one veto if he truly hates your choice. There must besomething you like other than Mary-Kate Francesca! Frankie Katherine? Marianna Kay? Katrina Mara?

I know they did. I was being facetious. The OP doesn't like the name. The OP's husband has saddled their daughter with it. Still it's easy to spell- which seems inordinately important for some posters.

What a terrible deal. So he had sole decision on your first child's name? What if you'd never gone for a second?

You've admitted that you don't like your first child's name. (Which is absolutely TERRIBLE.) And now he doesn't like what you are choosing for the second baby. So that means both of your kids have names one of their parents don't like.

How old is your first child? I'd strongly consider legally renaming it to a compromised name. Keep the existing first name as the new middle name and give him or her a first name you both can live with. Then find a good compromise for this new baby.

They did.

Imagine saddling anyone with a name like Olive.

So what? How often does a shop assistant need to take your name anyway? If it's something important the chances of it being spelt correctly without having to be spelled out are non- existent.

I have what is a very normal surname but over the centuries (ridiculous) variations have come into being with letters added to the point that these wrong versions almost always get chosen. My first name is a very normal French name- same applies.

Also what about all the Irish or Gaelic names? All the Saoirses , Sorchas, Sineads, Siobhans, Maireads

Your objection is ridiculous.

The average shop assistant or whoever needs to take your name umpteen times in your lifetime, may not, however, have a basic knowledge of Greek mythology.

I presume there was an adjective missing there... but although Apple is quite an unusual name, you can hardly lump it in with calling a baby an actual name that means actual genitals and nothing else!

Who is calling their child Vagina 😂😂

The OP didn't choose that name and doesn't like it. It's a horrible name. And it doesn't go with the middle name - Athena.

It’s a lovely name with the option of going by Mary, Kate or Katie.

I’ve been biting my lip but Mary-Kate is awful. Imagine your child as an adult saddled with that.

The OP has an Olive!

Whose surname do they have? If you have all adopted this man's surname then he shouldn't have had any naming rights. He's a cheeky bastard and he's used to having anything he wants because he automatically got to give his surname to his children for no good reason other than he has a penis and you went along with it.

I think you are right because Patrick Kieran is perfectly lovely and not weird at all. He seems to be involved in a power struggle with you.

Calliope (according to my Greek pronunciation Cally - o - pee) - Muse of epic poetry. I wouldn't choose it personally and it will be shortened to Cally.
Mary-Kate is on my don't like list. What is wrong with Katherine/Catherine/Kathryn (which can be shortened to Kate/Katie if wished). I like Theodora but probably not a popular name!
Olive Athena is interesting but I immediately think of Olive Oil, Popeye's perpetual girlfriend! Athena Francesca would be a good combination - and names such as Athena are very fashionable just now so there will be no problems with pronunciation, either. A compromise could be Sophia (means roughly the same as Athena re wisdom) and Katherine.
I see the dilemma. My first DC I chose the first name and my ex chose the second (and names were both chosen to reflect our different cultures). Second child ex chose first name and I chose the second. Both names entirely acceptable to both of us and entirely pronouncable with various acceptable diminutives.
Seems daft to have made a compromise that gave a child a name one parent doesn't like at all. Dafter still to name second child with another name one parent can't stand.

This adds to my suspicion that he would not agree to any name that I've chosen

Well that's the issue isn't it?

This is worrying. Do you not get a say in anything when he has an opinion? Are you not practically a partner because he doesn’t care about your opinion?

Why didn't you each chose a first name OR a middle name for each child? It's not like one is going for very traditional names and the other is completely out there. You could have had Olive Francesca and Mary-Kate Athena and it would have probably been an easier compromise.

Personally I think Mary-Kate is hideously American but I don't love Olive either which sounds quite hard to me. But neither are so terribly terrible that I couldn't live with them and I'm amazed that you couldn't find any names that you both really liked.

Perhaps the TRUE compromise here should be that DH change HIS name.

To Callioptholomew.
Calliopstopher would also be acceptable.
Or Calliopstian.

If he does this, he can name DD #2 whatever he’d like!

/joking - trying to inject a little levity since many of us seem to be back on about how much we hate/love OP’s or DH’s name choices and not on the actual subject of the post XD