Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

This is not a new concept. My parents actually did something similar many, many years ago. They had an agreement that my dad would name daughters and my mum would name sons. It works out quite well when both parties keep their word.

This ⬆️. Over something so fundamental to the relationship - naming a child.

We have an old baby name book that boasts 50,000 names. Even if there were not one single additional name apart from those in that book, I still find it astonishing that there aren't at least 10 or 20 of those 50,000 that both of you would like.

This is why I wonder if 'hate' is being used here to mean 'don't absolutely love'.

This is a rubbish agreement. Ours was literally the opposite we could both only go ahead if neither of us hated it. We love all our three kids names. But we would have been gutted to make each other upset hating the names (and both key favourites were not chosen for this reason!

Different tastes, of course, but to 'hate' a name and let your DH call your child by it is just bizarre.

Marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a battle

Do you “hate” your first child’s name or is it just too “boring” for you. Because there’s a difference between you not liking Emily May because it’s boring and him hating Pennis Maximus because it’s insane.

Is it not also quite bizarre to have one child with a traditional name and one with a wacky name? It’s literally like saying this one is mine and that one is his. Really strange.

That's actually what I was thinking. It doesn't bode well in terms of tastes and compromise.

@Plantladylover that's a bizarre and unhelpful comment. Lots of parents have different tastes.

Op, Yabu that you did the deal this way round, you gave birth so you should have got your way first time round.
Yanbu to expect him to keep his side of the deal now unless it's a name your child would be bullied for having or similar x

this. sounds a really weird marriage. why on earth would you give your child a name you don't like. maybe you and DH are just not compatible and shouldn't be having children

Grow up you silly pair.

Do you still dislike your first child’s name or has it grown on you?

OP, when you talk about names that you hate, do you actually mean that you hate them - i.e. one of you wrinkles your nose in disgust - or just that they aren't ones that either of you really like?

He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it.

Would he have let you veto his name choice if you had told him that you hated it?

Does he really hate your choice or just not keen?

What sort of names were you both choosing that there was no middle ground?

Honestly I’ve never heard something so ridiculous. Naming babies is a joint decision, if you like things so wildly different then this is so risky. I’m guessing you’re have one child called Emily or Oliver and one called Moonlight or Misty Crystal. Very odd.

When I first started seeing my current (#1) husband, he told me that if he ever had a daughter, he would name her Zuzu Petals (ref. It's A Wonderful Life). Guess what her middle names are. He also told me that if he ever had a son, he would name him Spiderman Zackly. Feet were put down. We compromised on the wonderful Flann O'Brien. 😎

This was always wrought with the likelihood of cries of "That's not fair!".

Any child will tell/show you that, once they've had and enjoyed their half of the cake first, when it comes to the other half that belongs to their sibling, that was then and now is completely different.

And what if they have a 3rd child, but can't/don't want a 4th (or a 5th but not a 6th)?

Technically fair for you to insist on your name as you didn't know what name he would choose either and it could have been one you absolutely hated.

But I would let him explain why he dislikes this particular name (assuming you can trust him to be truthful) and see if the explanation alters your views on it. Just for example, if it's the name of someone who abused him and he can't deal with hearing it that would be a problem for the child, who's the most important person here. If he just hates your taste in names and wants to wear you down by trying to veto everything, that's going to be apparent pretty quickly; if you let him talk you out of Bodhibear Honeybooboo he's not going to like Cutesypooh Jellybelly or Nudgiewudgie Angelbaybee any better.

I would say fine you can have that veto I will think of another name. Then I wouldn’t tell him until baby is here.

Exactly what I was going to say.

I don't think you should name the child something he genuinely hates, just as he shouldn't have chosen a name you hate - and this agreement was never going to go well with 2 people that can't find common ground on the first child's name.

But the name should be 'yours' and a list is a reasonable compromise.

Now tell us the name!!

It was a ridiculous thing to agree to in the first place.

No parents should have their child named something they really hate or think is ridiculous.

Two "okayish" names would be better than one you love and one that is ridiculous.
This shouldn't be about winning an argument, this should be about the human you are going to give the name(s) to which they then have to live with for 80 - 90 years.

He agreed to this, if you had named the first child and now he was getting his turn you can bet your house he wouldnt be allowing vetos.
This man needs to shut up and stick to his word, he doesn't get a say.

I'm going to disagree with previous comments. It doesn't matter what any of us think about the deal or the names themselves. He knew that there was a possibility that he would not like the name that would be chosen in the future when he said yes to this deal. He needs to stop being selfish and suck it up.

Why not come up with a list of names you like and let him chose one of them? Although, I agree he shouldn't have made an agreement he didn't want to stick to. And, as he had first choice, he has set the tone for your DC's names. (I would agree now what you are going to do for subsequent babies, even if you don't plan them. Might soften the blow for him. )