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Baby names

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Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

459 replies

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 18:44

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

OP posts:
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RedRock41 · 19/07/2025 21:41

KateMiskin · 19/07/2025 21:23

Ok so not crazy names.

Francesca is a lovely name. I could live with the Mary-Kate as a middle name too though I don't like it.

Don't like Olive or Athena much. He is being unreasonable!

💯 agree.

heroinechic · 19/07/2025 21:39

I like all the names, but there’s no way I’d name a child something that DH hates. I also wouldn’t name my child something that I hate.

I think you need to agree otherwise the registrar won’t register the birth (unless you go on your own of course, but, he might get there first)

RedRock41 · 19/07/2025 21:39

Francesca is a lovely name.

Cherrysoup · 19/07/2025 21:39

JudgeBread · 19/07/2025 18:50

I need to know the names to make judgement tbh. If he's named your first Emily Grace and you want to name your youngest Gaye Candida or Electric Unicorn I can kind of see his point.

🤣

BrownRedPink · 19/07/2025 21:38

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 21:20

I was hesitant to share the names because I didn't want them skewing opinions but will.

The name that he chose is Olive Athena.
The name that I've chosen is Mary-Kate Francesca.

I considered Francesca Mary-Kate but just know that these are the names that I want (no matter what order they're in). He hates both Mary-Kate and Francesca.

Olive is ugly as can be and doesn't go well with Athena IMO. Just goes to show how subjective this all is. 🤷‍♀️

Mildorado · 19/07/2025 21:36

All these names are fairly inoffensive mainstream, really, although taste is subjective.
I just feel a bit sad that what should be such a happy time is such an area of contention.

DorothyStorm · 19/07/2025 21:35

All normal names. Do not back down. Sounds like a way to exert control.

AmateurNoun · 19/07/2025 21:33

I was expecting something more extreme.

Like Balonza.

SprayWhiteDung · 19/07/2025 21:33

MyWarmOchreHare · 19/07/2025 21:24

What on earth dies he think is extreme about it?

He's being ridiculous - he's just making that up as some kind of 'gotcha' in an attempt to get his own way and renege on the agreement.

Whether any individual likes them or not, none of those names is extreme at all; possibly you might say that his choice of Athena is 'unusual' (assuming in the UK) - but 'extreme' is nothing short of a bare-faced lie.

Play him at his own game: go to the park when the playground is hoaching with little kids and call out each of those names, in the earshot of other parents, and then note the reactions of those parents. If any of the names were extreme, it would be very obviously proven by the looks on their faces.

Biids · 19/07/2025 21:33

I think that a first name with a dash in it is a bit of a pain and potentially impractical. That’s the only issue I take with any of the names. I do like Mary-Kate though.

I don’t think your names are any more “extreme” than his. So I’d say he’s in the wrong.

godmum56 · 19/07/2025 21:32

CestLaVieYouSee · 19/07/2025 21:29

It’s a wonder you even managed to work out how to conceive, not once but twice!

need the laugh emoji, have this instead

The Muppets Laughing GIF
HelloHattie · 19/07/2025 21:32

I would call for an exception too if I were him.

Mamabear487 · 19/07/2025 21:31

I know you made the agreement but the name you chose absolutely clashes with the first girl

KateMiskin · 19/07/2025 21:31

What a daft agreement though. Could you not find any names other than these 4?
But Francesca is so not extreme.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 19/07/2025 21:31

I actually like them both

Springadorable · 19/07/2025 21:30

I can see why he's objecting to Mary-Kate, it's incredibly dated and American. Francesca he should be able to tolerate. Kathryn Marie is slightly better...

ForrinMummy · 19/07/2025 21:29

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 21:20

I was hesitant to share the names because I didn't want them skewing opinions but will.

The name that he chose is Olive Athena.
The name that I've chosen is Mary-Kate Francesca.

I considered Francesca Mary-Kate but just know that these are the names that I want (no matter what order they're in). He hates both Mary-Kate and Francesca.

They are both lovely, although not very keen on Olive, personally.

I would not be budging on this one, but would be thinking seriously about his sense of entitlement to veto and his comfort with Take First Renege Later mentality.

CestLaVieYouSee · 19/07/2025 21:29

It’s a wonder you even managed to work out how to conceive, not once but twice!

JayJayj · 19/07/2025 21:28

I’m with your husband. I like the name he chose. I do not like the name you have chosen.

I do believe that yes you should get to choose but he should be able to veto a name he really hates

Thatsjusthowitisyeah · 19/07/2025 21:27

Never known a man to be this fucking bothered by naming children 🙄

Gcsunnyside23 · 19/07/2025 21:26

His names are actually more extreme and out there than yours. Tbh yours are quite normal 90s 'american' names. What's his suggestion this time?

MyWarmOchreHare · 19/07/2025 21:24

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 21:20

I was hesitant to share the names because I didn't want them skewing opinions but will.

The name that he chose is Olive Athena.
The name that I've chosen is Mary-Kate Francesca.

I considered Francesca Mary-Kate but just know that these are the names that I want (no matter what order they're in). He hates both Mary-Kate and Francesca.

What on earth dies he think is extreme about it?

Genevieva · 19/07/2025 21:24

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 21:20

I was hesitant to share the names because I didn't want them skewing opinions but will.

The name that he chose is Olive Athena.
The name that I've chosen is Mary-Kate Francesca.

I considered Francesca Mary-Kate but just know that these are the names that I want (no matter what order they're in). He hates both Mary-Kate and Francesca.

Any particular reason for the hyphen? Would he accept Mary Kate Francesca with two middle names? Or Mary Katherine Francesca? Or Francesca Mary Kate? These are all perfectly normal names. Much nicer than Olive in my opinion.

KateMiskin · 19/07/2025 21:23

Ok so not crazy names.

Francesca is a lovely name. I could live with the Mary-Kate as a middle name too though I don't like it.

Don't like Olive or Athena much. He is being unreasonable!

Zanatdy · 19/07/2025 21:23

Well it was a mad agreement, but he agreed to it, so he can’t back out now when you’ve already had to accept your child was named something you didn’t like. There’s no way i’d have agreed to this though, I wouldn’t have ever agreed to name my child something I dislike. I can see why he’s not happy as it’s a bit like a mad agreement but he can’t back out now. Guess it depends on how out there the name is. I speak up if it was something really bad.

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