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Baby names

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Original poster

Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

459 replies

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 18:44

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

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Mildorado · 19/07/2025 22:20

SwedishSayna · 19/07/2025 22:18

It's a shame the discussion here has focused on the specific names and not the issue at hand. As a PP said, this very odd agreement doesn't bode well for other decisions you'll have to make about your DC where you might not share the same view. Your DH trying to back out of the agreement bodes even less well.

Yes, this is the point, really

Alwaysdancinginthemoonlight · 19/07/2025 22:20

I think it's more sad that as a parent you actually gave your poor first child a name that you actively dislike. Wonder how they'll react when they find that out 😢

m00rfarm · 19/07/2025 22:20

You seriously allowed him to name your child with a name you hated, and are now doing the same to him? Are you responsible enough to have children?

Original poster
ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 22:20

Mildorado · 19/07/2025 22:11

Would you be prepared to compromise with Kate? Perhaps it's the hyphenated name he doesn't like?

He doesn't mind hyphenated names. It's that he doesn't like Mary or Kate (individually or together).

OP posts:
HeyWiggle · 19/07/2025 22:20

Kate is a classic name don’t ruin it with a hyphen. Francesca, Mary, Olive and Athene are beautiful too.

Namechangerage · 19/07/2025 22:19

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 21:20

I was hesitant to share the names because I didn't want them skewing opinions but will.

The name that he chose is Olive Athena.
The name that I've chosen is Mary-Kate Francesca.

I considered Francesca Mary-Kate but just know that these are the names that I want (no matter what order they're in). He hates both Mary-Kate and Francesca.

Olive is lovely.

Mary-Kate sounds trashy. Mary - lovely. Katherine (Kate) - fine. Francesca - lovely. Why not Mary with Kate and Francesca as middle names?

Laura95167 · 19/07/2025 22:18

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 21:20

I was hesitant to share the names because I didn't want them skewing opinions but will.

The name that he chose is Olive Athena.
The name that I've chosen is Mary-Kate Francesca.

I considered Francesca Mary-Kate but just know that these are the names that I want (no matter what order they're in). He hates both Mary-Kate and Francesca.

I think theyre both fine

SwedishSayna · 19/07/2025 22:18

It's a shame the discussion here has focused on the specific names and not the issue at hand. As a PP said, this very odd agreement doesn't bode well for other decisions you'll have to make about your DC where you might not share the same view. Your DH trying to back out of the agreement bodes even less well.

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 19/07/2025 22:17

It was ridiculous to agree to that in the first place, but he needs to uphold his end of the ridiculous agreement.

That said, 'Olive' and 'Francesca' are nice; the other names not so much imo. And all the Francescas I know go by 'Frankie'

Laura95167 · 19/07/2025 22:17

Out of curiosity what name have you picked

WalkingaroundJardine · 19/07/2025 22:14

I like both those names actually, both quite different and with thought put into it, reflecting your different personalities.

A deal is a deal and your DH needs to honour it.

FreewomaninParis · 19/07/2025 22:13

Bloody hell, the lives some people live….

miraxxx · 19/07/2025 22:13

I prefer Olive Athena to your name Op (the Mary-Kate part is 1980s sitcom-y) but both names are fine. Children grow into their names, or variations of them like Liv or Fran.

minuette1 · 19/07/2025 22:13

Drew Barrymore's kids are called Olive and Frankie (short for Francesca) so this isn't an unprecedented combo. Mary-Kate is not a first name anyone would choose for themselves..

Soontobe60 · 19/07/2025 22:12

Olive = lovely name. Mary-Kate not so lovely. The names are completely different vibes too. Mary-Kate will end up being called Mary, which is quite popular in my school with a few Nigerian girls with that name.
IMO, middle names are irrelevant and in my family, all middle names are family related ie names of parents, siblings, grandparents.

SprayWhiteDung · 19/07/2025 22:12

DorothyStorm · 19/07/2025 21:43

You dont think Olive is from an era that has past? I forever think of On the Buses

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So do I - or otherwise the appalling cook in The Bash Street Kids - but young children now won't have that frame of reference at all.

BernardButlersBra · 19/07/2025 22:11

ObtuseMoose · 19/07/2025 21:53

Mary-Kate sounds like she should be wearing a bonnet and wandering the prairie.

Harsh but fair 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Made me laugh and think of Laura Ingles Wilder and her family (her sister was called Mary?)

Mildorado · 19/07/2025 22:11

Would you be prepared to compromise with Kate? Perhaps it's the hyphenated name he doesn't like?

Soontobe60 · 19/07/2025 22:09

ThisZingyMember · 19/07/2025 19:20

I can see that some are asking why we made this agreement in the first place. When I was pregnant with our first child, we were constantly arguing over this issue (which is unusual for us). It came to the point that we were about to name our child the name that DH's mum had suggested as a compromise. Neither of us truly wanted that.

I can’t for one minute believe that you couldn’t agree on a name that you both liked and instead you named your child something you actively dislike. What parent would even think about doing that???

LillyPJ · 19/07/2025 22:08

Giving us the names doesn't help because it's all subjective. Personally, I love Athena and Francesca and dislike Olive because it reminds me of the character in 'On the Buses'. Other people will have different opinions. None of that matters. And whatever names DC ends up with, you'll all end up getting used to it and unable to imagine them being called anything else.

Sugargliderwombat · 19/07/2025 22:08

I think those names go together and he's being dramatic. Olive athena is much more out there! I did think you might want to delete this thread before they Google themselves in a few years time though and realise each of you hates one of their names!

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 19/07/2025 22:06

if you can't even agree on one single name and neither is picking wacky and weird options, it begs the question if you are compatible enough to be having children. Having to resort to a child each and a name the other 'hates' is not normal.

MyWarmOchreHare · 19/07/2025 22:05

Cheese55 · 19/07/2025 21:58

Mary kate will become Mary which is OK if you are v religious I guess. If you're not it's v old old fashioned. Olive is something you eat that sits in the fridge, no?

Why are you putting ‘no?’ at the end? You know the answer. You know it’s a very old name as well as a food. Don’t be a dick.

Internaut · 19/07/2025 22:04

Olive is something you eat that sits in the fridge, no?

Not when it's a name, obviously.

Internaut · 19/07/2025 22:04

When he said your choice was an extreme exception, I was expecting something truly awful. There is nothing at al wrong or exceptional about your choice, though personally I'd put Francesca first. On the other hand, his choices were a bit out there, whilst not being dreadful. Tell him he has to stick to the deal.

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