Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Family dont like our name choices

88 replies

Cosyreader1 · 02/10/2024 16:19

Hello..I'm a first-time mum to be. We've chosen not to find out the gender of our baby but have picked names for both. Ive found I've had mixed reactions which I don't mind (I know not everyone has the same taste) but it's knocked me a little that my family aren't keen on the boys name we've picked. The name is Toby, which I don't think is particularly out there or unusual. I don't think this will lead us to change it as it's our baby but just wondered how other people have dealt with similar situations?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Strawberrycheesecake7 · 02/10/2024 17:31

It’s a perfectly fine name. For some reason people seem to think it’s fine to comment negatively about names if the baby hasn’t been born yet. They’re less likely to do this if the baby is born and has already been given the name, so it might have been better to keep the names to yourself. Your family will likely grow to love the name once they start associating it with your baby. My mum said she didn’t like my son’s name when I was pregnant. She now swears she never said that and it’s one of her favourite names. She loves my son and associates that name with him so much that she’s forgotten she ever didn’t like it.

OriginalSkang · 02/10/2024 17:29

SallyWD · 02/10/2024 16:26

We told people our name choice after our baby was born. My family were fine with it but my in-laws hated it. They really made a lot of effort to get us to change the name. They even held a family meeting about it!! My MIL couldn't say the name for the first few weeks but one day I just heard her call DS by his name and I knew she'd accepted it (finally!).
I'm such a people pleaser, I even thought of changing the name because they were so unhappy but DH said no.
I'd say be firm and give it time. They will eventually come round. They have no choice.
Toby is lovely, by the way.

I really want to know what the name was that she wanted a family meeting about!

SuziQuinto · 02/10/2024 17:27

Tell them you've changed your mind and he's going to be called Sonny or Jaxxon, then "Toby" will come as a relief.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/10/2024 17:25

Not their baby is it.

Carry on and ignore them.

Dawevi · 02/10/2024 17:24

We named our children after they were born and with DS my dad pulled such a face when we told him! He then repeated the name in a tone of disgust. He got over it though.

BreatheAndFocus · 02/10/2024 17:20

Keep your names preferences between you and your partner - always. Don’t tell anyone else until after the birth. You then introduce them to baby Toby or whatever and it’s simply baby’s name.

Chewbecca · 02/10/2024 17:20

I love the name Toby.

LunaandLily · 02/10/2024 17:17

SallyWD · 02/10/2024 16:26

We told people our name choice after our baby was born. My family were fine with it but my in-laws hated it. They really made a lot of effort to get us to change the name. They even held a family meeting about it!! My MIL couldn't say the name for the first few weeks but one day I just heard her call DS by his name and I knew she'd accepted it (finally!).
I'm such a people pleaser, I even thought of changing the name because they were so unhappy but DH said no.
I'd say be firm and give it time. They will eventually come round. They have no choice.
Toby is lovely, by the way.

Wow. I would literally have nothing to do with my PILs after that.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/10/2024 17:12

Toby's lovely and was on my shortlist with my first baby (who was a girl so didn't get that name). It's nobody else's business. Tell them to mind their own.

TheFairyCaravan · 02/10/2024 17:12

Toby is a lovely name.

Our DGS is 9mths old. DS2 and DDIL didn’t find out what sex he was until he was born, but they did tell us the names they’d chosen. Unless it was something that I thought would get the child bullied at school then I’d have kept my mouth shut even if I didn’t like it. It’s not my business at the end of the day. I do love his name, it’s not common but not out there.

I remember being pregnant with DS1 and every time we said a name, someone would have an opinion or reason as to why we couldn’t use it so in the end we chose the two we loved and kept quiet.

Use Toby @Cosyreader1 if you love it. Congratulations on becoming on mummy btw.

MonsteraMama · 02/10/2024 17:10

They'll get over it. It's not their baby. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't have told anyone our names because my mam had a proper melt when she found out we were giving my daughter a name with the typical Norwegian spelling rather than the more common westernised spelling (husband is Norwegian and it was important to him). Daughter is 16 now and I'd say my mam is mostly over it 🙃

ThanksHunPenneys · 02/10/2024 17:08

Pinknotpurple · 02/10/2024 16:24

Hi, I think Toby is a nice name BTW.

My mum said negative things about most of the names I was constantly before my babies were born and it put me off the names as I didn't want to use one that I knew made her cringe.

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken any notice but I did find ones that everyone in my immediate family liked.

Why did everyone in your immediate family get input into your DC's name? Surely that's only for the parents to decide?

BibbityBobbityToo · 02/10/2024 17:07

I love Toby but would probably pick Tobias in the hope they'll get a Knighthood one day 🤣

sel2223 · 02/10/2024 17:06

I know it's too late now but I'm also in the camp of not telling family until they are born - it's a lot harder to dislike a name when there's a baby right infront of them rocking said name.

I prefer posting on here for honest reactions from strangers than actually telling anyone I know

TheChosenTwo · 02/10/2024 17:04

Oh god your first mistake was telling anyone the name 🫣
people then feel free to give their opinions.
Which is fine if you’re confident in your choice. But less find if you’re not.

ButterAsADip · 02/10/2024 17:04

Yeah it’s wise just present baby and name in one go. My parents for sure were surprised by my kids’ names 😄 but they just become one, the baby and the name, and therefore they end up liking the name. There are loads of Tobys around, but if your parents don’t know many babies maybe they think it’s too whacky. They’ll learn!

Shinyandnew1 · 02/10/2024 17:04

My mother told me that it was a family tradition for the maternal grandmother to choose the name of her oldest daughter's first child

Was this even true? Did she let her mum name her eldest child!!?

KohlaParasaurus · 02/10/2024 17:02

My mother told me that it was a family tradition for the maternal grandmother to choose the name of her oldest daughter's first child. I wasn't about to let Mum lumber my daughter with her own first name, which I know she wanted to do and which was deeply unfashionable at the time, so I told her that although all suggestions would be considered I was starting a new family tradition in which the person who gave birth to the baby got the final say in their name. XH and I gave each bump a silly nickname until the baby was born then presented their actual name as a fait accompli.

2Little · 02/10/2024 17:02

It's better to keep names to yourself. Unfortunately, if you share everyone has an option and they love sharing it with you. As long as you like the name Toby that's all that counts. I really hate names like Hunter, Wren, Brooke but I would never share that with a heavily pregnant woman that live the name.

Mintearo7 · 02/10/2024 17:02

Ignore them. Nice name and nothing wrong with it. They will get used to it.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 02/10/2024 17:00

Rookie error @Cosyreader1 Never EVER tell people what name you are going to give your baby.

Anyway, to hell with their views. It's your baby! (Going against the grain on here, IMO Toby does seem like a name you would give a dog though sorry!) 😬

!

RobertaFirmino · 02/10/2024 16:59

There's nothing wrong with Toby, it's a nice name. Classic, even.

Gymmum82 · 02/10/2024 16:48

My parents would have hated our name choices. Which is why I didn’t tell them until after they were born. They have never made a negative comment because they wouldn’t say anything about an actual child with that name.
I really dislike my sisters child’s name, but not my kid not my business

Firsttimebabymummy · 02/10/2024 16:45

Lovely name!

I got a comment on my daughters name and I announced after she was born. She is called Alexandra which is normal, classic name IMO. Someone said "isn't that a boys name?". This particular someone kept suggesting names inc Bella, Ruby, Posy and Prim and I think she was miffed I chose something more traditional but hey ho.

It's your baby at the end of the day xxx

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 02/10/2024 16:43

My baby is Toby (okay he’s a 6ft beardy 20 year old now) and I love it, always have and more importantly so does he! Weirdly loads of people call him Tobes so as long as you are okay with that then go for it ❤️