Friend and I want to use the same name

Yes, came here to say this

We thought it was the most exciting thing ever to meet the two Emmas who were Best Friends, or to be one of the two cousin Olivias, or to have our poor teachers forced to say not Rose B. I meant Rose C.

Children don't mind this as at all, and adults should know that you'll eventually meet people with the same name as you, so why should anyone care?

If you make the slightest suggestion that your friend shouldn't choose the name she wants, you open the door for her to say the same right back to you, and you could really mess up a moment when you need each other's help and support and affection.

I think in your circumstances you'd be wise to say to her you've decided on a name and you're aware it's on her shortlist. Make it clear that it doesn't bother you at all if they pick the same name, you just wanted to let her know so she can decide whether she still wants to use it, as you'd definitely be using it regardless as it's a family name.

Chances are, as they are considering other names anyway, she'll opt for something else on their list (and will probably appreciate knowing in advance that your child will he called that, so she can avoid them ending up with the same name. If she does still use it, you'll know that it doesn't matter to her either that your children have the same name.

Lots of children have the same name as a friend, by pure chance as they meet when they're older. I'm sure your children will actually love sharing a name, if indeed they do end up with the same name.

I think you'd only have a problem if you either tried to dictate she doesn't use it because you want to (which I appreciate you say you're not going to do), or if you chose not to tell her you've chosen that name for definite and she picks it, only for you to use the same name weeks later. That could blindside her as she may feel like you've copied, or could be annoyed you didn't give her the heads up before to give her the opportunity to choose something else on her list if she's not keen on the idea of them having the same name.

I think a heads up is needed. Then the ball is completely in her court.

Just tell her you’ve settled on the name and your DC will be Dorothy Rose and known as Dottie for for day to day. And that it’s in memory of your great grandmother.

Then she can do what she wants in the knowledge that your children may have the same names.

I’d also make sure all my mutual close friends knew so that they didn’t think I was the copycat.

Don't say it would be cute or you'd be happy with the same name🙄🙄. You can't stop her using it, but no need to give her the big green light either.

It doesn't need to be awkward, just tell her you & DH are 95% sure of the name you're going to use as you like it & you want to bring it back into the family tree. Youre 88% sure it's going to be 'Betty'

then she can take that into consideration when choosing her baby's name. If you both still use it, it'll be ok, but hopefully she'll decide she prefers 'Doris'

Also just because your children will be close when small they may not always be when they are older so it’ll be less of a problem c

This - and if you think they will be too close to have the same name you will have to pick another x

I feel for you when I was pregnant I had my heart set on our names and I would have been gutted if someone else got in there first!

Totally normal to wonder about it OP.

These people who cannot see how it could become an issue are in the minority. I'm glad you are going to take the advice to casually mention the name you have decided on, then the balls in her court if it bothers her or not.

@GoldenNuggets08 In that case I would just say, "Just to let you know, friend, we've now settled on our name choice. I know it's one that is on your shortlist as well. It doesn't bother me if our babies end up having the same name but if it bothers you I can let you know what we've chosen."

Why would you say "how cute they'll have the same name" if you donr actually think that. It gives the impression you would actually like them.to have the same name
Cpuld you just say you wanted to let her know that you are pretty sure you are going to use the name "x" .. and as its on her list too you wanted her to know.

I have cousins with pretty much the same name one a slightly longer version, there has never been an issue
use the name you want

Tell her now. Phrase it that you're using the name, and you've no issues at all with them having the same name, won't it be so cute! That way she can choose to avoid if it would bother her for them to have the same name. There's a chance she assumes you won't use it if she does and when emotions are high she might a bit upset. Get it all cleared before the babies come.

If you pick the name, announce it to mutuals like "baby Jane, named for my granny. And so lucky to have a ready made playmate in Jane Smith!" just to head off any raised eyebrows.

Of course you can use the same name.

I guarantee that once the two children are in nursery/school they will either have a classmate with the same name as them, or if not then two classmates of the same name. Having the same name as a friend is absolutely no big deal. Does your friend know you are absolutely settled on that name? Make sure she knows you're using it even if she chooses it, and crack on. You do know that 90% of the time you'll both actually address your children as "sweetheart", "darling", "pickle", "munchkin", "sausage" etc and will very rarely use their actual name.

I have two friends whose DDs were due within 6 weeks of each other. They both loved the same name and both agreed to use it with no fallout from either party. The children were very close and liked having the same name and their friends called them by their first name and surname initial. Even now they are adults my DD still refers to Mary D and Mary L ( not their real names). It's really no big issue.

These threads always baffle me. It’s an absolute non-issue.

Why can't you both have the same name? The world won't end

Who's to say you'll still be friends with this person even in a year? Tell her you've decided on it but obviously use it regardless if it's what you want.

Just use it.

if you both use it, the children will probably think it's great. Plus they might well have different nicknames.

You both can use the same name; I might say something like 'It wouldn't bother me if the kids have the same name, but because it's on your shortlist and just in case it would upset you, please know that we will be calling our baby X for reasons of family history.'

Stick to your guns; it's not long before children / families can start to go separate ways and things like this be less important.

You might have to put up with a general idea of being a copycat once the babies arrive, so you might want to start saying you have a family name you've decided on to mutual acquaintances (if it is a reasonable time in conversation to say this I mean).

Thing is OP, you don't have 'first dibs' on this name, just because you have a family connection to it. You and your DF are both perfectly entitled to call your DC whatever you want to call them. So if you think she'll go first, you'll just have to wait and see what she calls her DC - anything else would be unreasonable. And you and your DH need to decide whether you'll go with the name you've already picked out, if she chooses that name for her DC, or whether you'll have a back-up name (maybe with that name as the middle name).

FTIW, this happened to me. We had a name picked out for DC2 and then local friend had a DC before us and went for that name. Many years later and we live in different countries, but actually the name we chose for our DC2 suits him much better than the name we would've given him! In fact, I can't imagine him called that name at all.

I would let her know that you are going to definitely use the name and obviously if she still wants to, that is her choice! You will find loads of other babies have the same name and you often find 2 or 3 with the same name in a class together. You just don't want her to think that you deliberately copied her.