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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Is it wrong to give my baby my MIL name and not my own mum?

83 replies

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 19:12

Hi. I'm considering names for my future babies (planning to start trying soon, if all is well!) and if they are a girl I like the name Melody. I'd like a one syllable name as their middle name as I think that would sound better. My partner doesn't understand the need for a middle name as he doesn't have one but I do and I'd like to add one for them.

His mum is called Jane. So it would be Melody Jane. I love "MJ" as a potential Nickname too as I am a Spiderman fan.
My mum's name is Vicky (not Victoria, just vicky) and I don't think it goes as well. Other close family members names are Joan, Lillian and Jasmine.
I just think one syllable would be better.

I'm closer to my mum so she might feel a bit left out. Hmm!

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greengreyblue · 20/05/2024 22:11

As a mother of two adult DDs I would feel a tad miffed if they used mil name. I’d get over it but I’d feel a bit miffed. Better to not use either or use both.

prou · 20/05/2024 22:05

saraclara · 20/05/2024 22:03

All that this thread demonstrates to me, is that mothers genuinely think that their mother is the primary grandmother.

We decided not to name our babies s after any family members (for a different reason). But this thread confirms to me that we made the right decision.

Totally agree. I'm quite surprised by all this!!

saraclara · 20/05/2024 22:03

All that this thread demonstrates to me, is that mothers genuinely think that their mother is the primary grandmother.

We decided not to name our babies s after any family members (for a different reason). But this thread confirms to me that we made the right decision.

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 21:51

Boxerdor · 20/05/2024 21:45

I think your mum might be a bit offended. My son is named after my dad who passed away when I was a kid so when my daughter was born we chose mils middle name as her middle name so we had a name from each side of the family. My mum was fine with it but I think had I not had my son first and just picked my mils name for my daughter, she would probably have been offended and just not said anything.

she was in a similar predicament with me and gave me 2 middle names so as not to offend anyone and I have always hated it. I’ve changed my name now I’m an adult.

I like Melody Jane but maybe there’s another family link you can use that’s one syllable? is there some part of your name you could pass down?

I also like:
Melody June (great if you did have her in June)
Melody Joanne (has all the letters of Jane and Ann in Joanne)
Melody Jasmine

This is so helpful, thanks :)

Great recommendations, tbh my name is one syllable but doesn't start with a J and I've become set on them being MJ. Haha. I'm a bit obsessive when I make my mind up 😂 also I feel like it could be seen as a bit narcasstic to use my own name 😆😆 especially because the reason I have chosen melody is that I am a singer, songwriter... :")

Jasmine is a name I love and tbh its a bit of a tricky one regarding that name. My sibling was called it but they have said they identify as a boy now so changed their name by deedpoll. I told them "well great I can use Jasmine for my child instead then!" And they didn't seem to care so maybe it would be acceptable for me to use it as I love it.
However it is two syllables 🤣

Melody Jane or Melody Jasmine?!

OP posts:
NamingConundrum · 20/05/2024 21:47

Why not go for a non family name so no one offended?

Melody Jade
Melody June
Melody juniper
Melody jett
Melody joy

I do think melody jasmine is good also but I know that's family.

Boxerdor · 20/05/2024 21:45

I think your mum might be a bit offended. My son is named after my dad who passed away when I was a kid so when my daughter was born we chose mils middle name as her middle name so we had a name from each side of the family. My mum was fine with it but I think had I not had my son first and just picked my mils name for my daughter, she would probably have been offended and just not said anything.

she was in a similar predicament with me and gave me 2 middle names so as not to offend anyone and I have always hated it. I’ve changed my name now I’m an adult.

I like Melody Jane but maybe there’s another family link you can use that’s one syllable? is there some part of your name you could pass down?

I also like:
Melody June (great if you did have her in June)
Melody Joanne (has all the letters of Jane and Ann in Joanne)
Melody Jasmine

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 21:41

Runnerinthenight · 20/05/2024 21:37

I wanted to use my mum's name for one of my kids as a middle name but I didn't want to use MIL's, so I didn't use mum's either sadly.

What about Melody Jane Anna? Though I think Melody Anna Jane flows a little better but then you wouldn't have MJ?

I do think your mum might feel a little sidelined.

Edited

Yeah. It's hard isn't it cause obviously you want to choose a name you like too. And if you don't like a family members name then you don't want to include it. My partner was close to his granddad but we don't really like the name so... It's got to be balance between what you want for your own child and having meaning. I think anyway.
I wouldn't want to leave my mum out. But I do think melody jane is stronger as it is though. But maybe melody jane victoria + surname will be it, just a long mouthful.

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 20/05/2024 21:37

I wanted to use my mum's name for one of my kids as a middle name but I didn't want to use MIL's, so I didn't use mum's either sadly.

What about Melody Jane Anna? Though I think Melody Anna Jane flows a little better but then you wouldn't have MJ?

I do think your mum might feel a little sidelined.

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 21:34

unicus · 20/05/2024 21:28

What name do you have picked if it's a boy? What if you tell your mum and MIL: if it's a boy then middle name - Victor after your mum, if it's a girl Jane- after your MIL

Oliver Thomas (after my granddad, mum's dad)
He's no longer here and we were very close. My other granddad passed away before I really knew him but I was thinking of including his name too so it would be Oliver Thomas David

My dad and my partner's dad/granddad are someone to think about too. But I guess it's which name I like the sound of best.. That matters too.

OP posts:
unicus · 20/05/2024 21:28

What name do you have picked if it's a boy? What if you tell your mum and MIL: if it's a boy then middle name - Victor after your mum, if it's a girl Jane- after your MIL

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 21:20

LittleMissSleepyUK · 20/05/2024 21:16

What about Melody Jade? Same ring to it but no one can be offended

Jade is a nice name and although I did grow up with a couple of friends called Jade I prefer to keep family names going if that makes sense. I am sentimental. 😅

OP posts:
GreenFairies · 20/05/2024 21:19

Word of warning - DH and I agreed a boy’s name before I was pregnant and were really excited when we started TTC that we have a name picked out.

When I was pregnant, I absolutely hated the name, much to DH’s disappointment (and he was very very disappointed!).

LittleMissSleepyUK · 20/05/2024 21:16

What about Melody Jade? Same ring to it but no one can be offended

Motheranddaughter · 20/05/2024 21:14

My mum would definitely have been offended
To be fair she is not the most reasonable of people

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 21:12

2Old2Tango · 20/05/2024 21:09

Why not give a baby her own name instead? Melody Jo, Melody Joy, Melody Jeanne...

If you go with Melody Jane, and want to include something to signal towards your mum, then Melody Jane Victoria sounds good. You don't have to have her exact name.

Tbh you're right. Maybe Victoria could represent Vicky. I feel like it has to be the exact same name but you have a great point 🥰 my only issue is that the last name is several letters/3 syllables so it is a mouthful. :")

OP posts:
2Old2Tango · 20/05/2024 21:10

And don't forget the middle names are rarely used anyway, so mostly your child will be Melody [surname].

2Old2Tango · 20/05/2024 21:09

Why not give a baby her own name instead? Melody Jo, Melody Joy, Melody Jeanne...

If you go with Melody Jane, and want to include something to signal towards your mum, then Melody Jane Victoria sounds good. You don't have to have her exact name.

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 21:03

Workawayxx · 20/05/2024 20:59

I’d go with Melody Jane, it’s lovely and I think sounds better than Melody Jay. If it comes to it, you can just explain it to your mum (the MJ nn and flow of it) and say you’ll get working on any girl number 2 and will give her a nod to your mums name. Then you just need to work out a name that vicky fits into!

Thank you so much. I am contemplating Melody Jane Vicky as a name but it's quite a mouthful and the surname is quite long too. So maybe I'll go with what you say. I am praying for twin girls hahaha.

OP posts:
Workawayxx · 20/05/2024 20:59

I’d go with Melody Jane, it’s lovely and I think sounds better than Melody Jay. If it comes to it, you can just explain it to your mum (the MJ nn and flow of it) and say you’ll get working on any girl number 2 and will give her a nod to your mums name. Then you just need to work out a name that vicky fits into!

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 20:55

SheilaFentiman · 20/05/2024 20:52

I like Melody Jane - I think Jade would flow better than Jay if you want an alternative to Jane. So it isn’t two “y” endings.

Melody Victoria Jane also nice

If Jane, then Victor or Victoria as a middle for your second child?

Thank you for your input. I'm hooked to this thread because I'm so curious to what people think! And if i'm just being silly 😆

I like Victoria but my mum is called Vicky. I think my nan preferred the Nickname as her full name instead when naming her.

If I have a boy first I might call them Oliver Thomas Victor (Thomas is a big family name and is my mum's dad's name so it would be quite fitting to put the two together ❤️

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 20/05/2024 20:52

I like Melody Jane - I think Jade would flow better than Jay if you want an alternative to Jane. So it isn’t two “y” endings.

Melody Victoria Jane also nice

If Jane, then Victor or Victoria as a middle for your second child?

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 20:46

DisforDarkChocolate · 20/05/2024 20:43

My eldest granddaughter has a family name from my MIL side. I'm not offended at all. My MIL birthed that baby, if wants to honour her family with the middle name why would that upset me?

You know what, I'm not sure. I think it's something that got pointed out to me and I've struggled to shake it. I don't like the idea of leaving one mother out.

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 20/05/2024 20:43

My eldest granddaughter has a family name from my MIL side. I'm not offended at all. My MIL birthed that baby, if wants to honour her family with the middle name why would that upset me?

Original poster
megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 20:38

saraclara · 20/05/2024 20:37

I think it's bonkers to worry about any of this, but since OP is, I think this is the perfect compromise.

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Haha I'm an overthinker. And tbh others online pointed out that if I use Jane I'd be potentially upsetting my mum. And it made me worry further 🤣

OP posts:
saraclara · 20/05/2024 20:37

harrietm87 · 20/05/2024 20:25

You could honour your mum if you have a boy? Miles Victor sounds really cool to me. You could tell both grandmas that’s your plan before you find out the sex of the baby, and then no one will be offended.

I think it's bonkers to worry about any of this, but since OP is, I think this is the perfect compromise.