Is it wrong to give my baby my MIL name and not my own mum?

megadreamer8 · 2024-05-20T18:12:26+00:00

Hi. I'm considering names for my future babies (planning to start trying soon, if all is well!) and if they are a girl I like the name Melody. I'd like a one syllable name as their middle name as I think that would sound better. My partner doesn't understand the need for a middle name as he doesn't have one but I do and I'd like to add one for them. His mum is called Jane. So it would be Melody Jane. I love "MJ" as a potential Nickname too as I am a Spiderman fan. My mum's name is Vicky (not Victoria, just vicky) and I don't think it goes as well. Other close family members names are Joan, Lillian and Jasmine. I just think one syllable would be better. I'm closer to my mum so she might feel a bit left out. Hmm!

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Newbie887 · 21/05/2024 21:55

harrietm87 · 20/05/2024 20:25

You could honour your mum if you have a boy? Miles Victor sounds really cool to me. You could tell both grandmas that’s your plan before you find out the sex of the baby, and then no one will be offended.

I would 100% do this. Victor is an awesome boys name!

DramaLlamaBangBang · 21/05/2024 12:40

I like Melody Ann Jane better too. I mean, if you are planning more than one you may have 2 girls, or a girl and a boy you could call something Victor or she may not care. My DS is called after my dad and not fil because fil's name was horrible ( he was nice!) Does she like her name even? She may be horrified that you were going to inflict it on her dad.

Original poster

megadreamer8 · 21/05/2024 12:31

Revelatio · 21/05/2024 08:55

Also, it’s your husband’s baby too! It would be the same reasoning for him if you were to choose your mum’s name instead of his!

Honestly he isn't bothered, I've spent so many hours thinking/looking and he probably would take inspiration from a milk bottle in the moment 🤣 he honestly does not care as long as he likes my suggestion. He doesn't think a baby needs a middle name either.

OP posts:

Revelatio · 21/05/2024 09:02

StopStartStop · 21/05/2024 08:58

I think you'll cause offence and hurt that your mother will never get over. Even if she doesn't say so.

How do you know this?!!! I certainly wouldn’t be bothered if my child didn’t use my name and use their other grandparent’s. My mum also wouldn’t be bothered. This is all a bit ridiculous over a hypothetical middle name.

StopStartStop · 21/05/2024 08:58

I think you'll cause offence and hurt that your mother will never get over. Even if she doesn't say so.

Revelatio · 21/05/2024 08:55

Also, it’s your husband’s baby too! It would be the same reasoning for him if you were to choose your mum’s name instead of his!

Revelatio · 21/05/2024 08:54

Jay
June
Jewel
Jo

Nobody really uses their middle name so I don’t think it matters. Just go with what you like. I’d wait until you actually get pregnant though as you’re worrying yourself over nothing at the moment!!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/05/2024 08:50

Melody Jane is gorgeous.
Melody Jane Victoria? Two middle names?

What's mums maiden name, would that work as a middle name (some do, some really don't!)

greengreyblue · 21/05/2024 07:41

@saraclara I didn’t mention the mil being miffed. I said better to use both names or none. Don’t project your issues on to me.

Mangoooo · 21/05/2024 06:08

I wouldn't go for either of their names to avoid arguments. Jane as a middle name is very 90s (I was born in the late 90s). I think nicknames MJ, SJ etc are quite outdated.

Does your MIL have a middle name? If so it could be Melody Ann (and then MIL's middle name). I know my mum would've been hurt if I named my DD after my MIL (I didn't name her after either of them).

Original poster

megadreamer8 · 21/05/2024 02:03

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 21/05/2024 01:31

I have both my Grandmother's names as my middle names - so I’d find it slightly weird to have one and not the other, like you were favouring one side of the family. Unless your surname rhymes with Vicky, I think Melody Jane Vicky Surname is fine - she’s not going to be reeling off the whole name to everyone on a daily basis.

Or skip the whole honouring people thing and go for trendy Jay if that’s what your hearts calling. Or go for a classic, romantic, elegant J name that happens to pair well with Melody like Juliet or Julia or Jessamine.

Though tbh I think worrying about middle name/s is a bit daft ( unless the initials spell something rude) - they are hardly used in reality. I’d be more concerned about Melody, it’s pretty but the nn Mel is so 80’s to me 🤣

Thank you for your input. I am now debating between Melody Jane or Melody Ann or Melody Jane Ann haha (as ANN is my mum's middle name and is one syllable at least).

Regarding Mel, I feel like that's more for Melanie. But of course it is a nn for Melody but I think that's why I'd try and encourage MJ or Dee or even Millie, I definitely will try and avoid Mel. Although it's a fine enough Nickname.

OP posts:

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 21/05/2024 01:31

I have both my Grandmother's names as my middle names - so I’d find it slightly weird to have one and not the other, like you were favouring one side of the family. Unless your surname rhymes with Vicky, I think Melody Jane Vicky Surname is fine - she’s not going to be reeling off the whole name to everyone on a daily basis.

Or skip the whole honouring people thing and go for trendy Jay if that’s what your hearts calling. Or go for a classic, romantic, elegant J name that happens to pair well with Melody like Juliet or Julia or Jessamine.

Though tbh I think worrying about middle name/s is a bit daft ( unless the initials spell something rude) - they are hardly used in reality. I’d be more concerned about Melody, it’s pretty but the nn Mel is so 80’s to me 🤣

Original poster

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 22:51

saraclara · 20/05/2024 22:49

I said the thread, not the OP. Lots of people have said that their mum (or that they, if they're grandparents) would be miffed if the MIL's name was used. I wasn't referring to you.

Show quote history

Ah okay, sorry for taking it that way. I didn't want this post to come across as a mother verse mother in law discussion, just more "how to not leave one of them out" 😅

OP posts:

Original poster

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 22:50

@nothingsforgotten I agree that it does sound better. My partner is absolutely not bothered either way, he's so chill about names and all that. He doesn't look into it like me haha. He said as long as he likes it then whatever, he wouldn't even have a middle name if left to him. He also said maybe wait until they're born and see what they look like. I agree with him, but it's nice to at least prepare a few names to have a choice and if we randomly come up with something in the moment then so be it 🥰

OP posts:

saraclara · 20/05/2024 22:49

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 22:27

Tbh this post wasn't made to slander in laws. Infact if I thought lesser of my partners family why would I even consider my MIL name as a middle name for our child? It wasn't my partner's idea, it is mine.

Obviously it's pretty natural for a person to be closer to their own parents than with their partners parents, as they raised me. But I would not treat my partner's family any different regarding our children, they would be both of their grandparents.

And if vicky went better with Melody, I'd feel badly towards my MIL too. So please don't put words in my mouth.

Show quote history

I said the thread, not the OP. Lots of people have said that their mum (or that they, if they're grandparents) would be miffed if the MIL's name was used. I wasn't referring to you.

nothingsforgotten · 20/05/2024 22:47

saraclara · 20/05/2024 19:26

The baby is your husband's too. So if the baby was given your mum's name, would you worry about offending his mum?

Your posts talk about the name you're giving your baby. No mention of you both giving the name.

I agree. Both of your mums will be the child's grandparent, and Jane sounds far better for a middle name. If your mum is offended that's her problem.

Original poster

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 22:46

Boxerdor · 20/05/2024 22:42

Maybe you could spell it Jayne so it’s not the exact same as mil?

I quite like a long middle name too like Melody Jennifer. I’m not sure on the Jasmine now you’ve said about your sibling.

Yeah it is a bit difficult and I've always loved the name Jasmine, it's one of my favourites. I remember liking it as a teenager when I met a Jasmine at school, before my mum named my sibling it. But obviously now it has this sort of "hush hush" kind of attached to it because of the name change, although when I mentioned to them about using it they didn't seem bothered. But then again they are a child so maybe they'd feel differently in the future about me naming my child it. It might bother them more in the future so I have to consider that.

I think Jasmine is a prettier name than Jane but Melody Jane flows better perhaps?

OP posts:

Boxerdor · 20/05/2024 22:42

Maybe you could spell it Jayne so it’s not the exact same as mil?

I quite like a long middle name too like Melody Jennifer. I’m not sure on the Jasmine now you’ve said about your sibling.

Original poster

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 22:38

willowtolive · 20/05/2024 22:32

My daughter is Maisy Jae with an e. Never thought of MJ though actually

Aww cute 😊 and yeah, I love the MJ Nickname as I just picture the pretty Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman 🥰🥰🤣

OP posts:

caringcarer · 20/05/2024 22:33

A great way to get in your MiL good books. Melody Jane sounds lovely. Maybe you'll have a second DC and name them after your Mum.

willowtolive · 20/05/2024 22:32

My daughter is Maisy Jae with an e. Never thought of MJ though actually

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 22:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster

megadreamer8 · 20/05/2024 22:27

saraclara · 20/05/2024 22:03

All that this thread demonstrates to me, is that mothers genuinely think that their mother is the primary grandmother.

We decided not to name our babies s after any family members (for a different reason). But this thread confirms to me that we made the right decision.

Tbh this post wasn't made to slander in laws. Infact if I thought lesser of my partners family why would I even consider my MIL name as a middle name for our child? It wasn't my partner's idea, it is mine.

Obviously it's pretty natural for a person to be closer to their own parents than with their partners parents, as they raised me. But I would not treat my partner's family any different regarding our children, they would be both of their grandparents.

And if vicky went better with Melody, I'd feel badly towards my MIL too. So please don't put words in my mouth.

OP posts:

Daisybuttercup12345 · 20/05/2024 22:22

Melody Jane Ann is lovely.
Matthew or Michael with James, John or Jacob?

saraclara · 20/05/2024 22:21

greengreyblue · 20/05/2024 22:11

As a mother of two adult DDs I would feel a tad miffed if they used mil name. I’d get over it but I’d feel a bit miffed. Better to not use either or use both.

Edited

And would you think that the MIL had the right to feel miffed if the child was named after you? Because you specifically mentioned that you have daughters, as if that gives you the right to be prioritised.