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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

That old unmarried surname dilemma...

84 replies

alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 08:35

throughout pg was very clear LO would have DP's surname. When it came to crunch i found it very painful when it came to crossing my name out. Am going to add my name as middle name which you can do easily within 12 months. Now wondering if I really wish i'd gone for double barrel after all (not keen in some ways but have talked to a few friends who like me gave their LO their DP's name and have found they mind more than they thought) - but adding a surname would be a bigger deal as would involve changing LO's name by deedpoll which seems a bit heavy.

So, in compromise, wondering if it would be silly to have my name as a middle name and sometimes use it double barrel style and sometimes not? or to use it as a full name even tho not official?

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countryhousehotel · 26/03/2008 08:49

forgot to say Teapot that one condition of dd having dp's surname was he gave me carte blanche on her first name! obviously if he had HATED my choice i might have gone for something else but luckily he liked it.....

fishie · 26/03/2008 08:48

why doesn't he like double barrelled?

ds has got dh's surname, i have kept my own even though i prefer his really, that woman with the other surname isn't me

countryhousehotel · 26/03/2008 08:45

Teapot my dd has my surname as a middle name and dp's name as her surname. We didn't want to double barrel as my surname has 2 syllables and his has 3 (so it would be a real mouthful).....plus we do plan on marrying at some point, so although i'm not really bothered about using his surname (and may not change from my name when we marry) at least for convenience i will have the same name as dd when that happens. That was the only thing i worried about in giving her his name and there have been some situations where me and her having different surnames has caused confusion eg at her nursery.

I guess using your name as a middle name is fine as a compromise if that makes you happy, it certainly was enough for me to be honest.

VictorianSqualor · 26/03/2008 08:44

I wish I'd given my DC's my surname instead of their dads.

We're no longer together and I am in a new relationship, and having another child, DP and I are planning on getting married in the next couple of years so myself, DP and the baby will all be the same yet my eldest two won't.

It's also quite annoying when we go to say the doctors or something and people automatically assume that DP is the father so call him the wrong surname, and then realise neither myself nor him have the same name as the DC's.

Original poster
alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 08:43

good old mn - thanks for swift replies. i like all those answers - wish i could feel clearer about which route to go down. dp not keen on giving dd double barrelled name but think i could convince him. agree with you oranges - even tho i am one of them now can't understand why so many women happily surrender their name. i feel a pang every time i have to give her name and it's not mine. dp says he'd be happy for her to have just my name - prefer that to double barrelled but i don't want her not to have his name either really. sometimes think things were so much easier when aged 21 you married the boy next door and changed your name.

OP posts:
miffymum · 26/03/2008 08:41

Our LO is the same - has my name as middle name and DPs as her surname. Know what you mean - it feels a bit sad somehow, but ours were just too darn long to be double barrelled - would have sounded ridiculous. I think the middle name is a good compromise and then she can use it or not as she likes.

fishie · 26/03/2008 08:37

why don't you all go double barrelled?

oranges · 26/03/2008 08:37

changing name by deed poll is no hassle at all if you really want to. You can do it online, or ask a solicitor to draw up change of name deeds that cost no more than £50.
I think that would be easier than 'unofficial names' I'd hate my children to have a different surname to me. Not sure why women do it.

MrsMattie · 26/03/2008 08:37

My mum gave me her maiden name as my middle name. It's still my middle name, even though I am now married myself - so I have 'lost' my dad's name as my surname, but my mum's name will always be my middle name if that makes sense. I like it!

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