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Baby names

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Original poster

That old unmarried surname dilemma...

84 replies

alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 08:35

throughout pg was very clear LO would have DP's surname. When it came to crunch i found it very painful when it came to crossing my name out. Am going to add my name as middle name which you can do easily within 12 months. Now wondering if I really wish i'd gone for double barrel after all (not keen in some ways but have talked to a few friends who like me gave their LO their DP's name and have found they mind more than they thought) - but adding a surname would be a bigger deal as would involve changing LO's name by deedpoll which seems a bit heavy.

So, in compromise, wondering if it would be silly to have my name as a middle name and sometimes use it double barrel style and sometimes not? or to use it as a full name even tho not official?

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PuppyMonkey · 28/03/2008 15:50

We had this dilemma and in the end it was all down to who had the nicest/most interesting surname...

cyteen · 28/03/2008 15:41

hanaflower - yes, it's getting both our names, this is non-negotiable. They go well together so I don't think it's a big deal - it's no different to friends who've had a long first name and a four or five syllable surname IMO.

hanaflower · 28/03/2008 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allgonebellyup · 28/03/2008 13:20

my kids both have a different surname from me, and different surnames from each other!!!
so when i have to make appointments for the 3 of us, i have to give 3 different names, but i dont mind!

whats with all this stepford wife stuff - ie "oh i like my children to have the same surname as me!"

whats that all about?

my friends's husband left her for another woman, and she hates him with all her heart, yet she refused to change her surname when they got divorced so she could keep the same name as her kids. Why would you want to keep that bastard's name??

hanaflower · 28/03/2008 13:14

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cyteen · 28/03/2008 13:07

DP and I are in this situation as well - first child due in August, we're not married and each have a distinctive three syllable surname. I like them both but can't bear the idea of our kid not having my name somewhere, for various reasons (it's a really important part of my identity/I'm the only one carrying it on now brother has died/hairy-legged feminist reasons). So I guess we're double-barrelling, but it's going to be a right mouthful! At the moment we're leaning towards letting the child pick which one it uses later in life...I suppose if it's got both then at least it's got the option to choose.

On the upside, it makes picking a first name somehow easier, since basically it's got to be short and to the point - no Aramintas or Zachariahs here

Meandmyjoe · 27/03/2008 09:12

My friend had this problem and just gave her son her last name as a middle name instead of double barrelling the surname if you see what I mean. It actually sounds really nice in her case but it depends the upon names in question!

BexieID · 26/03/2008 23:10

Tom has daddys surname. We are engaged, have been since way before Tom was on the scene. We will get married (one day) and I will take the same name. Saves faffing around with changing Toms name on everything, will have to do so myself though.

Tom would probably have my name if me and DF weren't together. My cousin gave her son her name and she is no longer with his dad. My mum doesn't like it that Tom doesn't have our name!

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 26/03/2008 17:14

yes exactly ALiTTLETEAPOT

I put his just name and then instantly regretted it

it was only after dc2 was born that i added my family name and have never looked back

no one even questioned it when we applied for passports!

alexpolismum · 26/03/2008 15:29

I live in Greece, and here women don't take their husbands' surnames on marriage. You have to sign a paper when you get married agreeing on whose surname any children you have will take. We decided on dh's, as I thought it would be easier for dcs to grow up in Greece with a Greek surname rather than my English one. It doesn't bother me that ds has dh's surname, and although officially I still have my own surname, socially I often use Mrs Dh. To be honest I can't see what the problem is, it's not like I chose my surname in the first place anyway.(besides, they pronouce dh's much better than mine!!)

wheresthehamster · 26/03/2008 13:46

By the time Elizabeth Lewington-Williams has written her name on her worksheet it will be playtime

Just musing on some poor 5-year olds I have worked with. Ignore me.

My dds have dp's surname so everyone knows they are his and he isn't just my latest boyfriend.

totalmisfit · 26/03/2008 13:40

we double barrelled and hyphenated mine and dp's names for dd's sake. it's a bit clumsy sounding, particularly as she has 2 middle names. but at least there's something of both of us in there and if he ever deigns to marry me we can all have his name as it's much nicer than mine.

Original poster
alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 13:34

whoops

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Original poster
alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 13:33

So PYBF, yours are officially DP's name but are known as Yours-His? that's what i was thinking of doing. did that come about because you regretted your choice?
what's quite interesting is how many of us think we'll be happy with one way in theory but in practice feel a bit differently.
maybe BO surname, c.f Madonna and Prince

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Original poster
alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 13:33

So PYBF, yours are officially DP's name but are known as Yours-His? that's what i was thinking of doing. did that come about because you regretted your choice?
what's quite interesting is how many of us think we'll be happy with one way in theory but in practice feel a bit differently.
maybe BO surname, c.f Madonna and Prince

OP posts:
PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 26/03/2008 12:38

mine are just 'known as' the double barrel with just dps on the birth certificate
it is fine school/doctors etc no one flinched

amidaiwish · 26/03/2008 12:31

I didn't change my surname on marriage.
The DDs have DH's surname and mine as a middle name.
I was going to double barrel but didn't - too many syllables and was worried about the pretentiousness factor.

I wish i had now. They could always have "dropped" my part of the double barrel for everyday use, but it would have been there as a formality. When they get older if they didn't want to be double barrelled, they could have chosen which bit to "use" everyday, and i bet they would have gone with mine! (Far, far nicer).

From time to time i do double-barrel mine, as i do tend to get asked "are you the mum?" (my hair is blonde, they are brunette)

i feel a bit sad too gingerninja.

gingerninja · 26/03/2008 12:21

I didn't change my name either when I married DH. I felt very protective over my name after my mother unofficially changed it to her second husbands and I only got my real name back when I went to university. We gave DD DH's name and it never occured to me to do any different but reading this thread I realise I've had a nagging doubt about our choice. I don't like DD having a differennt surname to me and I don't won't to change mine. They're far too long to double barrel so we're probably stuck with the status quo. That makes me a little

edam · 26/03/2008 12:00

I have my surname, dh has his and ds has mine - dh's choice, I would have gone for double barrel or giving ds mine as a middle. Doesn't cause any problems at all beyond a few raised eyebrows among the neighbours and school mums (we live in a middle-class commuter town with a Tory MP...). But I don't give a toss about that! I might have felt a tiny pang if dh's surname wasn't so boring and common (as he freely admits - that's why he wasn't bothered).

AHLH · 26/03/2008 11:49

I am 15 weeks with my first baby. I didn't change my surname when I got married 8 years ago, but now have an overwhelming desire to haver the same name as baby. Mine and DH's surnames are just too long and unwieldy together to consider double barrelling - which I generally don't like anyway. His is the far more practical, spellable option!

I have just started looking into how to change my surname -looks like it'll take me until September! I'm established in my job and profession, so I'll keep my maiden name for work.

seeker · 26/03/2008 09:31

Agggh - errant apostrophe - parents', I meant!

seeker · 26/03/2008 09:30

My dc's last names would also be a constant reminder of how their parent's standard of living plummetted once dd arrived!

Original poster
alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 09:27

the place conceived - Home. Quite like that as a surname!

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Original poster
alittleteapot · 26/03/2008 09:26

Bluestocking - I think that's way it's important to me that she has dp's name in there - because it's easier for father's to disappear (mine did), even tho I absolutely know that this one won't in a million years. but now i think it's a bit sad that that means the woman surrendering her own name - Mankymummy i know what you mean about double barrelled names seeming a bit pretentious which is why it didn't comea s first choice, btu can now udnertand why it's a great solution and also they're so common now they have a differnt feel to htem these days i think. but i also think traditions are useful so that there doesn't need to be a tortuous thought process, so let's think up some new ones!

OP posts:
seeker · 26/03/2008 09:26

The place where they were conceived - I would have an ArbutusLodgeCork and a CahirsiveenHolidayCottage!

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