How to solve an impasse?

Hahaha , you are so right 😆

I gave birth on my own in a WTF just happened sort of a moment and hemorrhage.
While a team of doctors were trying to stop the bleeding. A midwife asked if baby had a name I said Jonny.
DH appeared in the middle of the chaos, I've said his names 'Jonny, you OK with that?'

You are absolutely right he would have looked a complete and utter arsehole if he'd said anything other than Yes.
I never really thought about it that way!!!

We are equals, too, but there are a few situations in which the “system” favours the mother - and naming the baby is one of them. For example, the baby is always traditionally given the mother’s surname. We started there. I wanted the baby to have Mychoicename Myname, he wanted the baby to have Hischoicename Hisname. The rules of the land said it was up to me to choose and he didn’t get a say. Naturally, we are equals, we discussed it and in the event I chose Mychoicename Hisname. That’s a compromise.

Tell him to come up with more names then, I'll bet you've been doing loads of research and he hasn't.

I think Thomas is a solid name.

We named our son Robin after coming across it randomly; we were also at an impasse and hated each others' lists. Mine were too out there and his were too boring

All of my children have compromise names, which were no where near the top favourites for either of us. It's over 40 years ago and it still annoys me but it's what you have to do! My eldest son was furious when he found out what my 1st choice was because he'd love to have that name! What can you do other than compromise?

Why are people making naming a child into some weird adversarial tit-for-tat thing? Surely both parents should agree on both surname and first name? And if you can’t manage to discuss and come to a mutually agreeable solution with something simple like that, good luck with negotiating child-rearing with your marriage intact.

OP of your choices I like Thomas best. Theo, Lucascand, to a lesser extent, Charlie are quite “of the moment”. Thomas has always been and remains a classic.

If he hates them, he hates them. Come on. You can't give your child a name that either of you hate. (I also don't like Lucas or Theo, so I can really empathise with him!)

The answer is simply to agree on a decent name that you both like well enough. That's it. It then becomes your child's name and you will love it by association with your child.

Whenever I see "name regret" threads, it's pretty much always clear that there are other issues in play, e.g. traumatic birth, weird family dynamics. So, if you're worried that you're going to be back here next year saying "I can't get over the fact we called him Charlie and not Lucas", I'd say don't worry about it, you will not be thinking about the names you didn't choose!

I agree that it shouldn’t be the mother automatically getting the final say - assuming still together, father on the scene, etc. I suggested names each time and DH loved them too. If he hadn’t, I would have been disappointed but would have got over it.

Of your list, I’d order them Lucas, Theo, Charlie and then Thomas (I find this such a boring name). Personally, I think you need to go back to a blank slate and find a name you both like. DH and I were set on calling DD2 Theodore if she had been a boy. We’re now expecting a DS and initially we went back to that name. I had fallen out of love with it though due to its popularity and that it doesn’t ‘fit’ with our DDs’ names. I started a thread on here asking for suggestions and found one I love. Suggested it to DH and he loves it too.

One compromise would be that one of you chooses the surname and the other the first name.

So if he chooses the first name, baby has your family surname. Or vice versa.

It would be pretty selfish of your husband to insist that he chooses three out of the four names 🙁

Gotta be compromise. Both of you discount your favourites and choose from what’s left on the table, maybe once the baby arrives. In the end you soon won’t be able to imagine them being anything other than whichever name you choose. For what it’s worth, Thomas is by far and away my favourite of the ones you mentioned, it’s a great name.

Once he’s here you will agree that you did all the hard work though

I like Thomas a lot - it’s popular though, but it’s been consistently popular ish, so it won’t date as much as Theo and Lucas

Theo is insanely popular (and that’s without all the Theas and Leos) Luca also suddenly shot up

You give birth you name them?! Either the surname or the first name entirely

Call the baby Impasse? I quite like the French existentialist vibe…

Use one of the two you both like!

Thumb war followed my stare down without blinking. If that doesn't work share and discuss it over a bubble bath, relaxing environment always helps.

We were at a loss as we both hated each others choices. In the end we just kept running through names until
we found one we both liked.

@TheBirdintheCave , it's a joint decision, but I think the mother should get the final say. Either that or toss a coin.

Conversely, there's no Theos in my school, but at least 5 Thomas/Tommy/Toms! Two in the same class in y1.

I love the app idea. If DP and I were having children we'd definitely use that.

Love Thomas and Charlie!

Imagine a little Tommy or Tom!

Our DS had no name for 5 days. We had no name in mind at all! So don’t worry if you need a few days with baby to decide on a name!

Would a name app like Kinder help? You link with each other, swipe through names (like Tinder) and you get a notification if you match. As you’re choosing independently, it might help stop the his name/my name divide.

Wait till they are born. We had a few names but we didn't know what we were having so hadn't got a set idea what we would name either of ours I looked at them and thought they looked like one of the names. Fortunately DH agreed.

@KirstenBlest If the father isn't around then of course the mother would pick the name... there's no one else to do it. And I don't agree with one parent getting more say whatever sex they are. It's an equal decision.

I don't agree with the notion that a woman should have more say about a baby name either, stick with your guns on that one OP. What a weird concept.
Not a weird concept at all. There are many instances where the father insists on a name or isn't around.

I don't agree with the notion that a woman should have more say about a baby name either, stick with your guns on that one OP. What a weird concept. Both parents should be completely on board with the name they're going to be using for their child for the rest of his/her life. If my husband and I don't agree on a name then it gets cut from the list no questions asked. It means I've lost out on quite a few lovely names but that's just how compromises work.

My best advice would be for you keep looking for names. Scour the BehindTheName website and make lists and hopefully you'll come across something you BOTH can fall in love with.

Good luck! :)

Also, you can check popularity at https://names.darkgreener.com/

You might be equal in the relationship and as parents, but you won't be equal when you're in the process of giving birth.

Thomas could be 90, 70, 50, 30 or a young boy - it's timeless.
Can be Tommy or Tom, and it works internationally.