Name dilemma… could I even consider using this name combination?

If one of my friends used my late dd’s name as a first (or middle) name I would be devastated. Friendship instantly over, but it would have a lasting mental health impact for me. Please please don’t use the name of your friend’s stillborn child.

I can't quite work out what you mean @Babycoming24 ?

Can you give an example?

Yup

So is it that eg she has Michael and Rose and you want to use Michaela-Rose? Even if both her children were living this would be weird.

Oh no, please don't do that to her.

Having been in a similar situation to your friend, I do still feel a bit of dread when people close to me are naming babies in case they use my DC1's name. I don't own rights to it or anything, but it would hurt a lot to think about interacting with a child with their name for years to come. If you absolutely have to use that name, I think it would likely irreparably damage your friendship.

I agree, find two other names.

please don’t do this.

my DC was stillborn more than a decade ago and I still feel winded when I meet another child with his name.

Had a friend named their living child similarly to my dead child within months of their death I am honestly not sure I’d have coped

Absolutely categorically don't do this.

So she has two children Michaela (living) and Steven (born sleeping), and you want to call your son Michael Steven. Or Steven Michael?

The second option is obviously so appalling I'll assume that's not what you mean.

To me, this (Michael Steven) would be an absolute no. Sure, no one uses middle names in day to day life but she would still know that your child's name had some connection to her son. I'd never be able to look at your child without being reminded of my own dead child, even more so than usual. And I'd wonder why you would do something that so obviously had the potential to devastate me that I couldn't stay friends.

Millions of other names you could use. She's your friend and it must have been hell for her. Don't hurt her more. Pick other names.

I also agree with everyone else.

I think it's fine for cousins to have the same name etc but this is just not OK.

Agree with everyone else, don't do it. It would be too painful for her, you would lose the friendship.

Is the situation that your friend has two children called Rosa and Lee and you want to call your baby Rosalie? Or that you want to call your child Rosa Leigh?

I’d find it odd if both of your friends children were alive. Constantly having to hear both of her children’s name together, when her baby died - so she won’t be referring to her children together- seems cruel. Especially if the child who died is the first name you want to use. I wouldn’t use that name, even without the connection to the siblings name.

On second thoughts I would probably leave the female version of her living child's name alone too if it's a good friend. Could bring up some really hard emotions. Probably better to think of something else all round.

I think using it as a middle name would be very insensitive. You would be causing her so much hurt and pain over a name that will hardly ever get used, it just doesn't seem worth it at all.

Maybe post the name and see if anyone can suggest something similar that you love too

If it’s not an obvious family name (eg naming your child after your mum or dad which might be understandable for your friend) I think you need to do the decent thing here if it’s just a name you like. No one has the right to a name but it would be really insensitive here and your friendship wouldn’t be likely to survive.

No you can't use either of these names if you want to keep your friend
Both of the names would bring back terrible memories for her
I wouldn't use any form of her living child's name either, although a different sex, it's still too close to home
Maybe post the name and ask for similar if you really can't think of any
NC and new post

I wouldn't risk 'sounding your friend out' it might really upset her .

Is it something like:
Your friend had twins, John and Michaela, but John was not born alive.
You want to name your child Michael John.?

No, I don't think it is ok to use that combo, sorry.

I think I would find it very strange and insensitive if you used both my living child(a)+ stillborn's names as your child's.

I know people don't own names etc but this is very close to the bone and we don't live in a vacuum.

'Michaela' fine if you really love it but not both or the middle name.

I would speak to your friend, and sound her out, but it does seem lacking in imagination and a bit off that you can't come up with different names. I think the same middle name is OK, but not first name.

I'd choose another name . I'm also of the 'No one owns a name ' school of thought but I think in this case it wouldn't be wise .

No!