16-letter hyphenated last name?

What was important to us was that our child was of us.

We are fully happy for our Dc to make whatever decisions they wish to make for their own family in whatever form it feels most right for them.

Calling people’s decisions silly or ridiculous just because they differ from yours is rude.

I saw my surname as mother way more meaningful that middle names for the sake of it. What on earth is the point of a middle name, taking up space in a form, never used?

My adult Dc have managed with 15 letters and a hyphen with no problems. One name is non European. Many at their school had similar length names from 2 parents with different heritage. V common in S London.

I wouldn't be upset. It's their name and their choice and who is to say that they will drop one, it certainly isn't the only choice they have to make. Maybe they will drop both and create a new last name? Who knows.

Hated it never fitted on forms, was still writing when others had finished and cringed every time my name was called.

I wonder the same thing. It seems really cruel to make the child decide which one to drop - they will have to choose which parent to upset.

They shouldn't have to please everyone though, they should just do what pleases themselves. Including potentially dropping all names and creating a new one.

I love my surname and my surname is recognised professionally, there was no way I was giving it up. Not for my husband's name or a brand new name.

Maybe my DS will decide differently and that's absolutely fine. That will be up to him.

It's just buck passing for when the child becomes an adult and has their own kids and has to decide which parent they want to disappoint by dropping a name. Feels lazy. And phonetically spelling two names which are uncommon in their country is going to be a drag.

Pick the nicest or easiest name. They get their dna from their parents and the nurturing/shaping of them comes from the parents so a surname doesn't seem such a big deal. If it were 30 years ago I'd get understand the battle for surname visibility.

My kids have that too. We went for first names that are straightforward to spell and pronounce in English, purely because we live in an English speaking country. Not by design, but they are als names with the same spelling in multiple European languages too. Day to day they go by thir first name, so no one thinks anything of it. I figured for job interviews etc, people will just address them with first names and at places like the doctors, you give the first three letters of the surname to be located.

If she gets married and takes on her husbands surname she will.lose the double barrelled name, but if you give her your surname as a middle name, you shouldn't feel relegated as she will have that for life.

The Spanish and Portuguese all seem to manage. There's a system for which name to drop with each generation.

I have seen some massively long Portuguese names!

I have a double barrelled, distinctively ethnic/religious name (both halves). It trips up some computer systems, but really it's not a terrible hassle.

I agree that double barrelling is passing the buck, and unwieldy. I had both parents’ surnames to start with, at some point my mother’s surname became a middle name, I don’t remember how or why but imagine it was just easier for everyone.

Overall I think the fairest system is toss a coin to choose. And whichever name “loses” the coin toss becomes a middle name so is not lost altogether.

That's not the only alternative, it's about time the fathers started missing out too. My point is you can't keep double barrelling endlessly, you can only feasibly do it once for your own children which is great for you but after that someone has to choose a parent (or two) and a surname (or two) to carry on you can't keep adding names to please everyone. Someone will have to miss out at some point it doesn't work forever. Or I have heard of people who conjure up a brand new name, people create a single word surname that is a mixture of both.

If it helps, my own surname (singular) has 14 letters and it's never been a problem...so two extra letters wouldn't be an issue
I'm sure. I also have an 8 letter first name, so together my two names have more than your proposed name. It's fine OP, and to honour your cultures is very important.

We all have a double barrelled surname, my husband and I both did it when we got married. Ours is 12 letters total but one of the names is hard to pronounce and always needs to be explained. People get it wrong 9 times out of 10 (it's the bit that was my husband's name and I admit I do use my maiden name part on its own when I can eg for booking tables, it's easier).
It's a bit incomplete but I still don't wish we'd done it any other way, we debated name options for months before getting married and this was the least bad option for us. Sounds like the same is true for you so you should go for it.
My daughter is 3 and she's started spelling out the tricky part of our surname every time she says her name! She can't spell in general she's just heard us do it so many times she's parroting us, it's very cute.
As pp said we make sure to use very easily spelled, short first names for our kids so they only have one name to explain. Sounds like you're doing the same.

@Fivepigeons I'm curious to know how you decided which part of your existing double barrelled name to go with for your kids?!

How many syllables will it be?

Our child has both our names, double-barrelled. The name is a similar length. It's fine.

What's the alternative though? Continuing with women missing out on having their surname as part of their child's surname?

Someone will have to choose at some point, one parent, grandparent, ancestor will lose out at some point as people can't just keep double barrelling. Kinda just passing the buck. But we'll have to agree to disagreement.

2 middle names is a bit ridiculous to be fair! But they don't have to use them all the time.

At that point though, it's their choice. If they only went with one last name, the same thing would happen anyway.

I kept my name when I got married and hyphenating DS's name was the only option that felt fair to both of us. Otherwise, one parent wouldn't have their last name as part of their child's name.

Surely in that case, 2 middle names are ridiculous too?

If they pick one of their surnames each then they will be choosing one of their parents names and ancestry over the other anyway, which is what their parents wanted to avoid.

I agree with you in regards to the tradition of normally going with the fathers surname. It's seems bizarrely outdated these days. I completely regret changing my name when I got married (very happily married though!) so much so I often seriously think about changing it back.

However, I still think double barrelled names are ridiculous, or rather a bit silly. Also a struggle to fit on forms, my children have 2 middle names and it's right faff squeezing them on to forms sometimes!

They'll just have to make a decision together which isn't too different from what couples do anyway and that's only if both happen to have hyphenated surnames.

Maybe they'll both keep their names and take one each for the child so Johnson-Brown and Smith-Roberts baby could be Brown-Roberts.

I don't think hyphenated surnames are ridiculous, I think it's ridiculous to expect one parent (usually the mother) to not have her surname be part of her baby's surname.

Double barrelled surnames are ridiculous, but I see why people do it. It's very popular these days though, but is does make me wonder what happens when all these double barrelled kids grow up and start marrying each other and/or having kids, they'll have quadruple barrelled 32 letter names!

However, it's your life, your offspring, you do whatever you want. If it comes to a choice over one or the other I'd pick yours as the mother as the surname.

I think it’s fine - she can drop one later if she wants.

A variety of names are much more common these days, including longer ones

We have this and it's beautiful . Our children are older now and their names are like a story of their mixed heritage and they love it .. as do we . My MIL was not keen on the idea decades ago but I'm so glad I quietly stuck to my guns