Why is EVERYONE irl secretive about their baby names?

@BeingATwatItsABingThing on mumsnet posters often have asked for opinions! Or they've asked for help narrowing down a list so probably do want negative opinions about some of them. I totally agree if they've said something like 'help me choose one of these four names, all of which I love' then it's beyond rude for people to post that they're horrible names, which you do see quite often on here.

I think people you know need to find more interesting conversation topics. People talking about stuff like that is insanely dull.

When I was pregnant with DC1, I soon realised that we would never be able to choose a name that both DH and I liked and please everyone else in the world as well.

We didn’t tell names to anyone until after our DC were born. It’s pretty rude to be introduced to someone and say you don’t like their name. Most people will not comment negatively at that stage, whatever their thoughts. (Some will, of course, but only the rude ones cough MIL cough.)

@BeingATwatItsABingThing , what's your problem?
Wouldn't you prefer to know that Martha will be Marfa, or Theo Feo, before naming the baby.
I can think of people who picked 'underused' names for their DC only to find that the names were top 10 names.

We have a shortlist which we're keeping to ourselves! I think it's because:

• it feels a bit personal at the moment, like something we don't want to share, and
• we're not sure which we prefer, though we've provisionally agreed on one, and we might change our minds, and
• we don't want feedback, which is more likely to be negative until it's a fait accompli.

On here, people post their opinions anonymously. If someone told me they were going to name their baby Isla or Lydia, I'd probably say 'Isla's nice but it's extremely popular, are you sure?' or 'Lydia will get called Lyds, would that bother you?'

Unless they’ve asked your opinion, why on Earth would you say any of this? It’s none of your business and not for you to have an opinion on if they’re just telling you what they’ve chosen.

Probably because people are arseholes about name choices but not once they've met the baby.

We didn’t talk to anyone about our list.

We did write actual lists of names and then matched them up to see if we had any crossovers and crossovers were then considered.

On here, people post their opinions anonymously. If someone told me they were going to name their baby Isla or Lydia, I'd probably say 'Isla's nice but it's extremely popular, are you sure?' or 'Lydia will get called Lyds, would that bother you?'

If someone said 'This is baby Lydia-Mae/Isla-Rose/Georgiana' I'd say, 'What a pretty name' but think 'Hyphenated names are awful', 'Is Mae/Rose a family name?' or 'What a long mouthful of a name, Georgina is much nicer'

If you are pregnant at the same time as someone else and discussing names, they might use your planned name. My cousin got the name my parents wanted for me, thank goodness.

People might assume that the baby was definitely going to be George, and get personalised items for him, but when the baby turns up she/he doesn't look like a George so gets called Sophia or Oliver instead.

*has. DD is alive and well!

DD had an unusual name, and I absolutely did not want to hear opinions on it before she was born.

It's a real name, just not very common and barely cracks the top 1000 and we knew neither set of parents were going to like it. When she'd actually arrived they had to at least pretend they liked it, even if we could see they were a bit bemused. FIL still managed to come out and say he didn't like it, but he's come around now.

Because other pregnant friends might steal it? Haha.

I made the mistake of mentioning a few names we liked to my mum and she had a clear favourite which she mentioned endlessly throughout my pregnancy and drove me mad! At least it narrowed down the list when we discarded that name though! Didn’t tell anyone any possible names during my 2nd pregnancy.

I found others were always keen to ask if we knew the sex (no) and if we’d chosen names. I don’t think I ever raised it.

Well, with a history of miscarriage before my first DD was born I didn't want to look too far ahead in case I jinxed the pregnancy, so didn't finally name her until she had arrived safely. I also didn't know if baby would be a boy or girl before the birth because the hospital near to where we lived at that time had a policy of not telling from an ultrasound scan. So you only found out if you needed an amniocentesis (which definitely reveals it).

With DD2 and DD3 I still had some of those feelings in the background, although mostly it was because I didn't feel the need to invite unwanted input from anyone else so still didn't openly discuss names. With anyone. I was booked at a different hospital with different policies by then so did know what I was having.

I really really don't agree it's a social media thing as some have suggested. Certainly not for us.

It's a wild generalisation but I think the people who 'do' social media a lot/wannabe influencer types are much more likely to go down the name picked with personalised everything beforehand route with loads of pictures etc.

I agree with the poster about other people then referring to the baby (pre-birth) as said name giving them the ick...and also people being unable to keep their (negative) opinion to themselves.

On the flip side to your post, I rarely initiated conversation about names but family members often felt the need to instigate a conversation and suggest names which I also didn't enjoy.

I found pregnancy challenging in the sense that people seem to lose all of their boundaries. Touching you, commenting on your weight etc. I may be a bit precious but I think pregnancy and birth is a private thing between you and your partner and people referring to my unborn child by a name that we think we'd decided on (but may change our mind) would have made me really uncomfortable.

Because we weren't really sure (in fact the day I went into labour I had a preferred name and it just didn't suit her!), because it's not nice to have people say urgh, or "I knew a horrible XXX" or other negative opinions, because if you are pregnant at the same time as someone else you don't want to risk "stealing" "their" name, because it felt weird to name a bump, because I wanted to have the baby before deciding.

I’m sure people have very varied reasons. I shared my first child’s intended name towards the end of the pregnancy, as in, I hadn’t decided up until close to the end. When he was born I took one look at him and thought ‘nah’ that’s not him AT ALL. Changed my decision and called him his now name, and had to keep explaining that I’d looked at him and changed my mind. After that, x3 friends used his name for their children within about 12/18 months, and I was not thrilled - but no going back from that ‘stealing’ of the name despite me not giving it during pregnancy. I can half see why people worry about this if they have pregnant friends. I felt like I’d really spent time and thought on my son’s name, and it had to work across two languages and cultures, and people (I felt at the time) just sort of waltzed in and had away with it.

My second child, I didn’t want to think of a name until they were born, but it then took weeks, and I felt pestered to come up with something. My third, I felt the same, but we were told the sex wasn’t clear but that they were highly assuming a girl. About a week before the birth, I had a scan for something else - and they told me definitely a boy! So I felt a bit jumbled up with that decision making. I had all of these long-winded, multi-syllabled girls names thought out, some of which my mum was pretty much bullying me not to use. Ended up with a boy name that fit well with his siblings’ names. All of it it is as individual as parenting itself I guess.

This.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your friends mentioning they've been coming up with names/the process without telling you the name. It's something they've been up to.

The issue is that the conversations are long and drawn out - but that would be tedious whatever the topic.

Because we did not fully decide till our child was born so what was the point? Why do people need to know earlier anyway?

Because people have become very weird about all sorts of things (especially to do with babies) in recent years. I blame social media and "influencers". This is where many people get their social norms from now rather than friends, family and community and it's leading to all sorts of unnecessary and odd behaviour that at best makes others raise their eyebrows and at worst pisses people off and pushes them away. People have also become more insular and self obsessed and think you are way more interested in their baby than you actually are!

Its best to keep quiet then you can't have ppl telling you it's an awful name, and no chance of any "not even trying for a baby yet cousin/SILs" declaring that you have stolen the name they had picked for their not even conceived yet baby, which I think has been a recent topic on MN 😉

Honestly? I wanted to be sure I was walking out of hospital with a baby first.