Baby having a surname

Friends of mine have combined surnames when they had kids, or chosen a whole new surname for the whole family when they adopted siblings. DP and I went for the Spanish option of giving DD two surnames, but if neither you or your DP like your own surnames that probably isn't what you'd choose. In your case I'd choose a new family surname with connotations/history that work for all of you.

@Zanatdy Someone I know created a new surname when they had kids. I thought it was a little odd, but I didn’t know the reasons behind. It is quite a cool surname so I presume they just picked it

Maybe we know each other? Our kids have a different surname to my surname and DH’s surname. It solved the problem of which surname, give them one unique to them. We used the letters from each surname to come up with a new one (which is very cool). Never been a problem and has never bothered our kids. They love their surname, as it is ‘theirs’. They own it, they rock it. All that matters to them is that they all share the same name. Plus, you can tell the people who have a clue, they will be standing there chatting for a bit and then go ‘I’ve got it, you used the letters of both names’ 😁.

Blows my mind when people say everyone has to have the same name to feel a family unit. I mean, if you need that to feel a family, all hope is pretty much lost.

Someone I know created a new surname when they had kids. I thought it was a little odd, but I didn’t know the reasons behind. It is quite a cool surname so I presume they just picked it.

I read about a man who changed his name by deed poll to Dave. No surname - just Dave.

Some computer systems couldn’t cope with this. For example, his bank had to input his name as Dave Dave.

Won't help as I have a different name to their name. I remarried and they have their dad's name. This is what causes the issue of having a different surname to the mothers.

Photograph their birth certificates and keep them on your phone. Problem solved.

Be careful if you give your child a different surname to you OP, as when travelling abroad there's a distinct possibility that you'll be questioned at some passport control (I speak from indignant experience!) 😨 Took a lot of convincing and tears for the German guards to let me have my children back 🤣😱

You're not married! Give her your surname and when you're married and have decided on a new surname for you all you can change them all.

Not sure on legalities re surname in UK. Where I am you need one, and I have come across refugees that come from places where it’s traditionally one name only and so they have had to use it twice on legal paperwork here. Think name is just James, they then become James James.

My kids have a different surname to DH and myself (who have different surnames). We thought it would be nicer to have their ‘own’ name, so we made one with letters from our names. Kids love it and never been an issue that they have a different one to DH and I. They were certainly never confused who mum and dad were🤣. The only thing that matters to them is that they all share the same name. For some reason it’s important to them, not sure why. Will be interesting if DD ever marries, as DH and I would never say anything (although obviously would be disappointed internally), but I’m predicting any thought of a name change would be met with howls of outrage from siblings and it would likely be proactively raised with a ‘don’t you even think about it’ opening 😝.

So they didn't do this! They gave her a surname, they just made it up

Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain did this - they gave their daughter the surname Bean. It was something to do with taking a stance against the patriarchy.

Now she's grown up, the daughter has added Cobain to her name, so she's Frances Bean Cobain.

Legally adopt a new, made up surname you both like and put that down for the baby too.

I worked with someone who didn't have a surname, so it is possible. Legally she just has a first name. For her passport it couldn't be left blank so they put X in the surname box.
That was a decision she made as an adult though. I can't remember if she legally changed her first name too, but she definitely removed a surname. It's a hell of a thing to do to a baby. A lifetime of having to explain the technicalities and then the question about what it says about you all as a family.

Another vote for go for a new name for all of you. She might not 'need' a surname but the world is set up for surnames.

I think your eldest needs permission to change his name from his father, but most schools and Drs will accept eg John smith known as Brown.

of course she needs a surname. if he doesn't like his, use yours. Keep it simple for the kid's sake.

Give her your last name and have your partner change his last name to yours.

I wouldn't make up a name, it complicated for no reason. I'd also look into changing your son's surname to yours.

I would make up a new surname for you all the use if neither of you want to use your own names (your son can change his surname once he's old enough if he doesn't want his dads).

Just choose a brand new surname, you and your partner can both change your name via deed poll.

She'll need a surname. It's demanded just about everywhere (school registers, medical records, banks, tax office, nursery etc.). I really can't think of anywhere which won't require it.

Use some of the suggestions here. They seem good to me.

Everyone needs a surname. Even the royal family have them. It would cause issues with passports etc for her in the future.
If you don't give her one I asume her middle name will become her surname and you will still all have different names anyway.

You could all choose a completely new surname that you like, and use it. There's nothing to stop you and your partner just adopting it through deed poll, and giving it to your daughter when she's born.

For your son, you would need to check with your ex (and your son himself) to see if there are any objections as a change in name is something that, potentially, could be prevented in court if your ex was opposed, and his school etc might query the name change on that basis. But you'll know yourself how your son will feel, and how your ex would react.

It would be totally unreasonable to not give a child a surname so another child doesn't feel left out, don't make such a fundamental part of her identity all about her brother, she is a person in her own right.

I would make up a family name, your son has the option of switching to that if he wants to or keeping his dad's name.

Your baby has to have a surname but it doesn't need to be either of your surnames, legally speaking.

I know of an unmarried couple who had twins and gave one of the twins his mother's maiden name and the other twin her mother's maiden name, so all four of them have different surnames (even the twins).

I'd never heard of anything like this before and I expect there will be some downsides in terms of other people being confused and making mistakes or inaccurate assumptions about them as a family, but I expect they considered all those things first and decided they were OK with that.

What you could do is pick a new surname, either one from one or both of your family trees (if you go back far enough you may well find you both have ancestors with the same surname, assuming you don't have wildly different heritage), or you could just pick one you both like and both change your names to that. If your ex is cooperative you could add it to your son's name as a double barrelled name.