To want to choose my babies own name?!

Also, if your FIL has a difficult to pronounce name for British tongues it’s best avoided. When I had my DD we needed to find a name that was phonetically the same in both Italian and English, for eg. Emma, to avoid mispronunciations. That alone is a reason to avoid this shit tradition.

Now it has been decreed that a child can take either surname from married parents, so unless yours is something unpronounceable for the Italians I would do that. Lots of famous Italians with Anglo surnames (eg. Actor Luca Ward, that magistrato with an English name, another actor whose name escapes me right now etc.).

I'd go off and register the birth on my own if he's going to be an arse about it. Grandad can have the middle name if it's a nice name.

I always knew this was suggested to my mother by her MIL 60 years ago.
It’s only now that I have started doing some in-depth ancestry research I can see that this naming tradition went back as far as I have been able to find (over 200 years).
Like the above poster said:
paternal grandfather maternal grandmother, maternal grandfather , paternal grandmother. Then the parents own names( if not already occurring among grandparents).
In think I would have been better off with the strong traditional name I would have had under this tradition rather than the name my Mum chose in the sixties.

If you live in the north and plan on staying there calling your DS a very traditional old man southern Italian name, like Salvatore or Ciro, will mark him out as being “terrone”. It shouldn’t matter but depending on where you are exactly sometimes it does. Less obvious are other names used a lot in the south like Michele, Gabriele etc. but which tend to be more universal. If your FIL is called something religious and horrendous like Pellegrino your DS will spend a lifetime inventing nicknames for himself so he won’t have to reveal his name.

is the name in question a saint’s name? If so that can be his baptism name, to be wheeled out at religious occasions only, and you use the name you want. My aunt had a modern, non saint name so got given a second name for baptism and first communion purposes only. I only found out about it at her funeral, she kept it hidden all her life.

As PP said, don't be a doormat. It's not "Italian culture" to do this, and your child is supposed be being raised with YOUR culture as well as that of Italy.

At most, I'd give the Sacred Family Name as a middle name. I do NOT recommend doing this bloody weird thing of giving someone an official first name and then calling them by their middle name - this will cause no end of administrational headaches.

You need to assert your authority now or you won’t be able to later. There will be other things they will expect you to give in to if you capitulate to this.

Fil name your child? I don’t think so. How outrageous.

Op, have you ever heard the phrase, ‘begin as you mean to go on’ ?

If you give in to this, your fil will be running your marriage via your husband for decades.

Do not, I repeat, do not do what fil says, for the sake of keeping the peace. (Is your husband expecting a huge inheritance some day or something, or is he just putting his father before you?)

Do not settle for middle name. If you do, you will have just capitulated to their demand for your obedience in all things, not just names. This is not a small thing. This is your child. Your child. Not fil’s.

The parents only get to choose a name if they have more than 2 of the same sex
however I understand it’s frustrating if you want to choose your own
could you choose a middle name and just call the baby that? I’d consider it if they are really supportive and otherwise lovely
Says who? The parents absolutely 'get to choose' their own child's name!

Genius

Using the middle name in everyday life only works if the child’s father agrees with and actively supports that decision.

doesn’t seem particularly likely this case, unfortunately…

I only found out a few years ago that my dads name was something entirely different 😂 turns out same as his dads (my grandads). He was always known by his middle name to everyone - to the point that no one even knew what his real name was!

my mum’s family is also from Southern Italy. None of us received the first names of any parents / grandparents. People got over it.

They would do the same in your case. IF you and your DH stick together…

all my older (many already defunct) Italian relatives have middle names afaik.
The younger generation is much more likely to forego a middle name in my experience, it therefore does not seem traditional (at all!) to me…

1. give the son a different first name and use the family name as a middle name
2. do not use any family names.
3. give your son the traditional first name. But your surname!

You could tell your DH that number 1 and 3 already are a compromise. And that you won’t continue to be in such a giving / conciliatory mood if he’ll continue to push.

My brother is not called Herbert, I am not Gertrude.
The sky did not fall in.

Fwiw I know quite a few people who use their middle name rather than their first name. For various reasons.
How much does it really matter?
Yes, it's a silly tradition to you, but an important one to the family this child is part of.

What happens with subsequent children that you might have? Does your first daughter have to be named after your husband’s mother?

I get what pp are saying about using a middle name, but it's just kicking the naming problem down another generation isn't it. I hope your DH isn't going to put any pressure on your children to name their kids after him!

Our family isn't Italian but the tradition is the same. All first-born sons were named after their father. For example: Charles Fordham Sr (Charles)
Charles Fordham Jr. (Charlie) Charles Fordham III (Trey) Charles Fordham IV(Chip) Charles Fordham V (Young Charlie). Young Charlie's wife finally ended it with twins - Charlotte and Charlene.
Names were changed to protect the real people.

This would piss me right off. You've carried this child, delivered this child and are going to raise him, then some bloke (ok DH father) in Italy gets to name him ...no fucking way . With all my boys it was a equally mutual decision apart from the last one ...I picked his name, fortunately my DH agreed ( he would of been foolish not too) 😂

I do like naming traditions. If I were you, I'd give him a middle name and use that. It's not uncommon in Italy to do it that way.

You ‘laughed awkwardly’? Well you’ve only got yourself to blame then. But please at least raise your son to respect women and not dictate what they should and shouldn’t do.

I think that's an excellent compromise OP and you are giving your DS some options for when he is an adult, which is great.

He will probably appreciate having a name that follows his family's traditions AND like having his own unique name too.

Congratulations on your new baby

Yeah, bollocks to that.

My niece married a half-Italian who insisted on the same thing. He buggered off and divorced her when their child was 4.

Name your child what you want to.

Too little too late. Just use the name and give him a nickname or call him by a middle name. Sounds like you've otherwise got a supportive FIL. Worse things have happened.

You know what, at the start of life with dd1, I would have felt the same as you. I almost didn't want any input whatsoever from.anyone and I leveraged the heck out of the fact I was giving dd his surname so I had sway with the first. By dd2 I let him choose the name as I was stuck.
My point is, if you don't HATE the name, having a name you don't kind and a name which means the world to your dh isn't the end of the world. It won't stop your child being an individual.It will give him strong roots. And, you can go to town on his middle ones.
And you've got a ton of leverage for the next dc.

This is one reason you have to be careful marrying different cultures of religions.
Your husband and his family were explicit that this was non negotiable for them. For 100s of years it has been a naming tradition within their family. Had he married an Italian woman it would probably continue.

Their naming tradition is more culturally important to them than your right to select a first name. Your right to select a first name as a free woman is more important to you than their naming tradition.

You and your husband both knew this but decided to continue so its his fault as much as yours that you're bumping heads over this. Don't let everyone place the blame on you.

I really don't know what to say but you both made your bed... how do you compromise on this?