Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

It’s a tradition in my DM’s family for firstborn daughters to have a certain name.
Apparently going way back.
I have the same first name as my aunt and cousin.
We live within a mile of each other.

I didn’t carry the tradition on with DD 10.

Use the name

Cousins as they age won't really have much to do with each other, but using a name that's already taken within the family would put me off. There are so many names to choose from and you might have preferences but you won't know for sure if it suits her until she's here anyway. We don’t all get lucky and suddenly, boom, she's here after so much waiting and she doesn't look like anything but X name. If she does, there's no guilt necessary in using it. But when she comes, she might just suit another name far better. Mine was chosen the second I found out but was a little unusual. When she popped out she simply couldn't have had any other name. Go with your instinct!

We have the same name as DH's cousins child. But neither of us knew that was the other child's name.
Granted we never see or spend time with them. I'm glad I didn't know - I think it would have put me off and I love DC's name❤️

Ruby is a lovely name, I'd use it.

Depends on the family. DH has about 40 cousins,I couldn't name half of them never mind their children and he wouldn't be much better - so no, we didn't rule out names on that account.

In my family, I only have two living cousins that I'm in touch with and only one of them has children, so yes I avoided anything similar.

Personally I would always err on the side of not repeating a name so people don't think I've copied.

In our family it's quite common to use the same name,
I was given the same bloody hideous name as my DM's cousin and my DB was given the same name that a cousin and a nephew had.
My Nanny had four granddaughters born in a year, all with same first name and three also had the same surname.
It's not as if you will be seeing each other regularly, so if you both like it then use it.

I would mention it to cousin and tell her that you'd always planned on using that lovely name so she doesn't think you've copied or named your daughter after hers

If you call her Ruby, you can call your child Ruby Jane and your cousins child Ruby Sophia (for example) in conversation with family members. Or they might be big and little Ruby or Birmingham Ruby and Cornwall Ruby. It's fine!
My cousin gave her baby the same name as my then partner which was flattering to him and they were big and little name when spoken about in the family

100% I would use the name, no questions asked!! My view is always "how often will the children be in the same room" and in your case the answer is very very rarely so definitely use it!

Ruby is quite ubiquitous
Jade/Amber/Emerald/Sapphire less so.
Or there's Scarlett.

Don't worry about what your family members say. You name you child as you please.

Unimaginative? Huh? There are a gazillion reasons people might want to use a name. The fact that sine far flung relative has the same bane isn't unimaginative. It's rather sad that someone wouldn't use a name they love just because someone else in the family that you barely interact with has it. How far would you go? Someone in your friendship group? Street? Sibling of a friend? You'll run out of names or else come up with something imaginative

I had the same name as three cousins growing up. That time dc were given family names and each person called their child after my grandmother..so say there was a Patricia in each family. We never cared. Not for one moment..it was never even mentioned. But l had lots of cousins so the chances of names being repeated was high. Is this your only cousin..it could be an issue. I think the fact that others are making a fuss is going to take from your excitement when baby comes which means l would go for something else and TELL NOBODY!! People have too many opinions on other people's names.

Seriously? Given the background that you've supplied about how little you now this cousin (and that she didn't even know your child's name, and it was ten years later) why on earth are you annoyed?

If you see this cousin once a year and have barely seen the child, then go for it. It's not like your sisters child or a cousin that lives down the road that you see every week.

One of my cousins named her child the same as mine - about 10 years after mine was born. I don't think I've seen that cousin for about 18+ years except at 2 funerals and we probably wouldn't recognise each other in the street (there are a lot of cousins in the family and some branches are closer than others) but I was still a bit surprised and a little miffed. I realised she probably didn't even know my DC's name - and I got over it very quickly - but I did feel slightly annoyed that my grandmother had 2 grandchildren with the same name. There are lots of them with the same middle name but not first name.
I suppose I think it's a bit dull and unimaginative, especially when it's a very run-of-the-mill name.
It's fine to use it but I think it's odd to be surprised by comments about it ..

I think it is a bit odd. Could you use it as a middle name instead.

I think its weird.

DS1 has a standard name (i.e. not unique or unusual). I was the third of my cousins (on the same side) to use it. I have 20 cousins on this side of the family and I only see them every couple of years as I live 1500-2000km away from them. Honestly, it didn't really occur to me that some of my cousins had used the name already. Interestingly, the other two who used it are very close and catch up regularly.

DS#2 has a name one of my cousins had already used. I did feel bad because it was one of the same cousins but it was the only name DH and I could agree on. I did say to my cousin's wife I hope she didn't mind and she laughed and said she was glad I liked the names. I think it helps that there's quite an age difference between my children and theirs. DS2 is in lower primary and my cousin's DS has a baby of his own now.

I come from a large Catholic family, every one has someone who has the same name, usually a cousin on one side or another. My Mum only had a first name because her parents literally ran out of names they liked with their older children

People are weird about names, no one owns them. Use what you want. In 2021 Ruby was the 34th most common name in England and Wales. You are not alone in liking it.

Well, I'd use it if you like, but would not be surprised at the comments.

I do think it should be fine for you to use the name but honestly, I wouldn't. I'd just find something else.

I'd use the name.

My cousin called her child the same name as my DS1, doesn't bother me. My DS2 has the same name as one of friends children. My DS2 is 2 months older then friends children. Didn't bother us that we picked the same name.

No one owns a name.