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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

110 replies

RosieG82 · 14/08/2023 21:41

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

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Counciltelly · 15/08/2023 12:41

50 years ago this was the norm. I’ve the same name as my mum, her cousin and their grandma. My sister is named for our aunt. My dad is named for his grandpa. My brother a combo of my dads and his own father. Obviously a very unimaginable family…

fridaynight1 · 15/08/2023 12:39

Perfectly normal in my DH's family - half of them are called John.

SashaIsMySon · 15/08/2023 12:38

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outgoingcalls · 15/08/2023 12:34

Verity

outgoingcalls · 15/08/2023 12:34

Ruby is a very common name, it doesn't belong to them so you should use it if you love it. I do find it a bit odd though.

Since baby isn't born yet maybe consider a different name?

Eloise
Autumn
Clara
Veriry
Lucie
Scarlett

DottyLottieLou · 15/08/2023 12:30

Not odd at all. Go with the name you want and ignore the comments. Many families have similar/same names in the. We have 2 Rubies in my family.

Only4nomore · 15/08/2023 12:25

My cousin did this to me. Yes like you lives miles away from me but we do see each other. It was my grandads name. I was pissed off.
I felt like she stole a bit of my child identity there is about 7 years between them and my son felt upset as it was his connection to his great grandad and this child had never even met him. She also had picked a different name and changed it last min.

Molehillminnie · 15/08/2023 12:01

Personally I think it’s a bit odd when you think of all the names out there. I have a cousin who used the same name as one of mine and another who used a version of (think Nate/Nathaniel, Evie/Evelyn). I’ve always thought it strange and unimaginative. They do say imitation is the greatest form of flattery though so there’s always that!

SunRainStorm · 15/08/2023 11:58

Ruby is a very popular name. They can hardly claim it for themselves.

Just use the name. Are you really going to eliminate every name of every child you might see once a year?

MaydinEssex · 15/08/2023 11:54

My dad was one of three brothers who all ended up marrying women with the same name. Nobody thought that was odd.

itsallnewnow · 15/08/2023 11:48

Think about your actually future daughter not just what you want to name a baby, won't she feel weird being named after a cousinf just a bit older than her?

KirstenBlest · 15/08/2023 11:06

@Irishmummy6363 , I think it depends on the name, and the age gap.
If it's something very popular (e.g, Jack, Lily) then I'd not worry.

Irishmummy6363 · 15/08/2023 10:44

I think it’s fine but I do understand the worrying..I am due in a few weeks and the name we picked is the same as my sister in laws sisters child. Which seems distant but it means my nephews will have two cousins of the same name if that makes sense. Everyone tells me it’s ridiculous to think about but it does still linger!

KirstenBlest · 15/08/2023 10:04

First cousins having the same first name seems a bit much. That's two siblings using the same name. It used to happen when fewer names were around.

HappyAsASandboy · 15/08/2023 09:00

Carry on and use the name. We have a duplicate name within our family, but the two have never met! They share grandparents, who seem perfectly capable of relating to two different children of two different ages who just happen to have the same name.

Cleotheclimber · 15/08/2023 08:58

Definitely just use it if you both love it 😊

My sister named her baby the same name as my husbands sister named hers so now we both have two nieces with the same name 🤣 but it’s fine because they are 2 different sides of the family and everyone gets together around once a year or so!

KirstenBlest · 15/08/2023 08:55

Some of my cousins (who are also each other's cousins) used the same names. It's not a problem.
The only ones we were a bit Hmm about was when two cousins named their child the same fairly uncommon name for DC born within months of each other, and the children were at the same secondary school and in the same year. They had different surnames and middle names. They are 2nd cousins.

The other ones are of different ages.

Original poster
RosieG82 · 15/08/2023 06:41

Thanks everyone, I’ll think I’ll speak to my cousin and see what she says. I don’t want to upset anyone and I hear the comments re copying as the name doesn’t have any familial significance for me, I just love it!

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 15/08/2023 06:35

In the main I’d say fine, use it. If it’s a standard name like Jake completely understandable, but a really unique name like Ezekeley then I’d understand the raised eyebrows.

autienotnaughti · 15/08/2023 06:23

My husband's cousin chose same name we were fine. No one owns a name

mrsbitaly · 15/08/2023 05:58

Use the name they will get over it.

HalfwayToMyMamasHome · 15/08/2023 05:39

2 of my cousins have a child with the same name. It was never an issue so I don’t think it’s a problem at all.

PostOpOp · 15/08/2023 05:29

SequinsandStiIettos · 14/08/2023 23:25

Ruby is quite ubiquitous
Jade/Amber/Emerald/Sapphire less so.
Or there's Scarlett.

Had the same thought as alternatives, if you really need to change (I don't think you do), but I'd spell Scarlet with a single "t".

Agree though that your main mistake here is telling people. Whatever you decide on, whether you decide to change or not, do not tell anybody anything. Not even that you're sticking with it or changing. Prior to a baby being born, revealing the name equates to open season on airing opinions.

Your baby, your choice.

Also, if the cousin's parents wanted a name nobody else has, they'd surely have not chosen Ruby?

TheFairyCaravan · 15/08/2023 05:14

My cousin named her DS the same name as DS2. It didn’t bother me at all. We live hundreds of miles apart so no one got confused. It’s just a name that no one owns.

Use the name.

PuttingDownRoots · 15/08/2023 05:04

We named our eldest DD after both DHs grandmother and my great aunt (different people, same name). If any of cousins wanted to use the name too as they were both greatly loved women in the family, I don't think we could complain really!

A random name does look a bit copycat... but ultimately its your choice.