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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

110 replies

RosieG82 · 14/08/2023 21:41

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

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Kattitude · 16/08/2023 01:25

Carry on and use whatever name you choose, your child, your choice.

Berlinlover · 15/08/2023 22:38

My cousin and I live in the same one horse town and we have the same first name and surname. I’m five years older than her but I’m sure nobody batted an eyelid when she was born.

merryhouse · 15/08/2023 22:31

I have the same name as one of my first cousins, about 8 years older than me. It's never bothered me (ok fair enough she lived the other side of the world by the time I was born, but we met a couple of times and I always knew about her).

I have the same name as my first ever friend, too. And the same name as a lot of people my age, to the extent that most social groups will have a couple of us in. Grin Again it's never bothered me.

I also had two uncles (one on each side) and two cousins (one on each side - not the sons of those uncles) called David. Some names just have their time in the sun...

Wally1983 · 15/08/2023 21:36

And to top it all the first Y is probably 20 and mine is 12, never met and likely never will lol. Pointless argument from the auntie but one I still find highly amusing :)

Wally1983 · 15/08/2023 21:35

I have several cousins with the same name eg. Paul
my eldest has a Scottish name that transpires is also my husbands cousins sons name… we didn’t even click to be honest yet my husbands auntie made a huge fuss as “they wanted to call him X but you had a grandchild with X so they called him Y and now you have another grandson and it’s Y, all very unfair when they really wanted X but didn’t!!!” She made several calls to my in laws about this. My husband hasn’t seen his cousin for 25+ yrs, I’m 100% positive he had no idea his mum caused such a fuss with my MIL/FIL.
if you want to, speak to your cousin but you absolutely don’t have to!
use the name :)

Reallybadidea · 15/08/2023 17:52

My eldest has the same name as my actual cousin. Another cousin named her child the same as my youngest. It's been a complete non-issue.

Bikesandbees · 15/08/2023 17:47

Definitely just choose the name! They don’t own it.

I come from a country where one of the prevalent cultural norms (but not my culture) is to name children after the grandparents, so often multiple cousins have the same name. They just choose different nicknames, so if they were all Nicholas for example, they’d be Nic, Nico, and Nicky etc. It’ll likely just be a cute fun thing in a couple of years and they’ll get a kick out of it when they see their cousin with the same name.

ashitghost · 15/08/2023 16:40

I’d find another name.

SouperWoman · 15/08/2023 16:26

Use the name you want op.

one of my cousins has the same name as me (different spelling) - we are a few weeks apart in age. Apparently my auntie copied my parents. 🤷‍♀️ It has never bothered me. In fact I like how it makes us feel close even now we live far apart.

Xanadu58 · 15/08/2023 16:09

My cousin called her DD the same name as mine but there's a large age gap and we hardly ever see them except for a wedding or large family party occasionally . It didn't bother me at all .

jlpth · 15/08/2023 16:07

Ignore the comments and use it. Ridiculous of people to whine about this if you only see the child infrequently and they are differently aged.

ZoeDavoMCR · 15/08/2023 16:06

RosieG82 · 14/08/2023 21:41

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

The mistake you made was telling people your baby name, should have just announced it when she was born then it’s done and no one can comment

SheilaFentiman · 15/08/2023 15:41

We ar big Sheila, middle Sheila and little Sheila!

SheilaFentiman · 15/08/2023 15:41

Use it if you like it - you don’t see your cousin much! I have two with the same name as me :-)

Busubaba · 15/08/2023 15:09

Given that there is a six year age gap I think it's fine to use the same name. They aren't likely to be confused with each other.

Vole3 · 15/08/2023 15:04

Use the name.
We have multiple multiples within my family
2 Finley’s (nephews son and a different nephews grandson)
2 Jean’s (my late mum and my SIL)
2 Jane’s (2 x XSIL) very confusing when all 4 Jean/ Jane Samesurname were in the same room
2 Alex’s (niece and her husband)
3 Peter’s (my brother, my late uncle, and XH)
3 Michael’s (my DS, late FIL and my late brother)
and lastly 2 Laura’s (great niece and my late grandma)

Bo1986 · 15/08/2023 13:42

I wouldn’t use it. I kicked myself when my cousin named her baby as I really loved it and thought it’d be my little one’s name. I had already decided too. I also never see the cousin and live hours from my family. But I just couldn’t be bothered with the comments you’re hearing. I do agree there are many names to choose from too though. Didn’t help I had preached to my husband throughout my child wouldn’t be named after one of his relatives as I wanted them to “have their own name and not be named after someone” - not for the first name anyway. Middle name, yes.

rossie21 · 15/08/2023 13:24

My cousins gave their child the same name as mine. I couldn’t care less.

You go for what you want.

Baroloandbluecheese · 15/08/2023 13:17

You should go for the name you like. Don’t speak to your cousin, if she has a problem with it, you’ll fixate on the name even more.

It happens a lot in families, every woman in my DH’s side of the family has the same middle name. My maternal grandmother named her eldest daughter after herself (then admitted she actually hated the name 😂). Dbil has a tradition in his family so loads of the men and boys are called Harry. I had neighbours growing up called Norman and Jean, they named their kids Norman and Jean. That is weird. Naming your daughter the same as a distant family member you rarely see, is not.
Good luck with the new baby OP

Silvercandlesticks · 15/08/2023 13:09

So these 2 babies are second cousins? They share the same great grandparents? Your parent will have a grandchild with this name and a great niece? Are they close with their niece? If not it sounds like if you don’t see this cousin much it’s not likely to cause much, if any, confusion. May be would be an issue if they shared the same name as one of your sibling’s children. Keep the name if you love it.

ActDottie · 15/08/2023 13:08

Given the context you’ve given I think it’s fine. I barely see my cousins and I wouldn’t think twice about using a name they’d used (if they had children that is).

Hayley0203 · 15/08/2023 12:54

Honestly, don't sweat it. Your daughter is going to grow up and go to nursery, school, university or work and meet hundreds of people with all different names. Now and then, she'll meet other Rubys. Something will be very wrong if she's bothered that a cousin who once lived a few hours away was one of them.

Loulaa1977 · 15/08/2023 12:53

Use the name you've chosen and love otherwise you'll end up regretting it.

My mum's cousin named their son same name as their sister's boy. Nobody batted an eyelid

Whattodo112222 · 15/08/2023 12:44

Nobody owns a name so go for it.

cheezncrackers · 15/08/2023 12:43

I'd choose something different too. I know on MN people always say 'use the name' or 'no one has a monopoly on names', but to me it's really odd.

We rejected two names that we liked for DS2 because friends already had DC with those names. They're not people we see every day, some we're barely in touch with now, but I always knew they'd think we'd copied them (we weren't copying anyone - one was the name of my Grandad and the other was one I'd like for years), so we found another name we liked that no one we knew had recently called their DC. Perfect solution! There are thousands of names out there. Pick another one.