Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

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NewShoes · 02/12/2023 21:12

I wouldn’t do it. Of course anyone is free to choose any name they like, but we avoided any names that family members had taken, and I would be (irrationally probably!) a bit annoyed if a cousin used one of our children’s names for their baby.

catherinewales · 23/11/2023 21:41

How common is the name? If it's an usual name, then it's an issue. If it's a common name, then it's a none issue. I have cousins with the same name but they are named after their DPs. Although we had some family members have the same name for their kids and it was an issue. It was the name someone famous named their child and it's very popular. I didn't see the issue although they lived not far from each other the kids won't really be mixing.

MargotBamborough · 23/11/2023 21:34

Just use the name. Everyone will get used to it.

KirstenBlest · 23/11/2023 20:59

@WhenSheWasBadshewasawesome , I went to a 'nice' school.
I think Fat Dave and Sally Snot were probably the meanest we did.

Nicknames were usually based on surnames

WhenSheWasBadshewasawesome · 23/11/2023 20:34

@KirstenBlest yes and it's never flattering.
Sarah big jugs or swatty Sarah is probably about the best you could hope for.

KirstenBlest · 23/11/2023 19:55

@WhenSheWasBadshewasawesome , we did that too. Big Sarah, Little Sarah. Freckles Sarah, Piggy Sarah, ...

There weren't many Sarahs at school but it seemed to happen to the duplicated names

DiaNaranja · 23/11/2023 19:54

I dunno, I'm not particularly close to my cousin's, and dhs live far away, and in other countries, so we don't see a great deal of them, but I'd be a bit annoyed if they named their baby the same as one of our DC. Mainly because mine have, not really unusual, but definitely not common names, and I think it would be strange at any family weddings, funerals, Xmas get togethers etc, to have two with the same name there. I know it would just irritate me somehow! I certainly wouldn't fall out with anyone over it though. But if it is genuinely the only name you both agree on then they'll have to suck it up!

KirstenBlest · 23/11/2023 19:50

Use it. In my family several cousins who are also each other's cousins have used the same names. 2 of the duplicated names are not generally popular.
The only one that was commented on were very close in age. Something like Beatrice Rose born in December followed by her 2nd cousin Beatrice May in May.

WhenSheWasBadshewasawesome · 23/11/2023 19:47

Definitely the right choice op.
I have a very, very common name for the era I was born. Hence there are so many duplicates, not within my family, but I can imagine it'd be similar. Here's what happens if you have a common name:

Oh are you inviting Sarah?
What, fat Sarah or glasses Sarah?
No, Sarah with the buck teeth.
Oh right.

I was ugly name and my friend fat name. I know it doesn't happen with everyone but it's an unnecessary risk. They all end up with initials, surnames or descriptions if names are the same.

Your baby is her own unique person and I'm sure you have picked a lovely name to reflect that.

RafaFan · 23/11/2023 19:28

In my family there is a "family name" that one boy in every family seems to receive, so there are multiple cousins with the same name, and multiple men/boys with identical first and last names. Quite amusing at family gatherings really. And just in case anyone is wondering, nobody is coerced into giving their son the name, and nobody would say anything or be offended if one set of parents bucked the trend and went with a different name. We just all like the totally run of the mill, traditional name.
Also, I have no imagination, so I was quite pleased to have a family name ready for my son. It was decided as soon as we knew we were having a boy. Different story with our daughter - the debate went on for months and she was 10 days old before we decided on a name!

AliceMcK · 24/08/2023 14:21

Fourecks · 14/08/2023 22:16

DS1 has a standard name (i.e. not unique or unusual). I was the third of my cousins (on the same side) to use it. I have 20 cousins on this side of the family and I only see them every couple of years as I live 1500-2000km away from them. Honestly, it didn't really occur to me that some of my cousins had used the name already. Interestingly, the other two who used it are very close and catch up regularly.

DS#2 has a name one of my cousins had already used. I did feel bad because it was one of the same cousins but it was the only name DH and I could agree on. I did say to my cousin's wife I hope she didn't mind and she laughed and said she was glad I liked the names. I think it helps that there's quite an age difference between my children and theirs. DS2 is in lower primary and my cousin's DS has a baby of his own now.

This

i have multiple cousins with the same names, I’m from a big family, it’s very common, family conversations go like, “did you hear Andrew has a new job?’ “Which one” “ Mary’s Andrew, but apparently Toms Andrew is also looking for a new Job too”

I know lots of other people with families like this.

cordelia16 · 24/08/2023 14:14

If you love the name, use it.

My father had a brother who shared a name with their father. My father's sister happened to marry a man with that same name. Each of them named their sons with the same name. So in one family alone, there were 5 of the same exact name, spread over three generations (obvs including a set of first cousins). And growing up we all hung out a lot together. They all used variations of the name, and no one got confused or insulted over it.

It sounds like you're not especially close to your cousin, so I really don't see an issue using the name Ruby.

Lamelie · 16/08/2023 19:18

My cousin named his daughter the same as my daughter and I think it’s lovely. Means my mum and her brother both have a same name grandchild 💁🏻‍♀️

Crazycrazylady · 16/08/2023 18:52

Honestly it's absolutely fine to use the name. But of course people are going to say 'oh just like cousins little girl' if that will really annoy you then don't

BlueMoe · 16/08/2023 18:27

RosieG82 · 14/08/2023 21:41

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

A cousin chose the same name as one of ours as her very poorly mum liked it so much. Not an issue- it’s a complement.

TravelSpam · 16/08/2023 18:26

Use the name.

Lots of people have the same name as other people. My kids have 2 cousins called David. One on each side of the family.
I have a brother and a stepbrother with the same name too...
In both these cases, it just is. Can't tell my husbands sister not to call her son David because my brother has a child called David.
Actually now I think of it, my stepfather's first and second wives had the same name too!

Everyone lived to tell the tale! 🤣

Runnerinthenight · 16/08/2023 18:15

Go for it! My cousin named two of her three children the same names as my sister and brother. It was fine, just meant we had to add surnames if there was any ambiguity. We were pretty close as well!!

My other sibling and I laughed and said cousin mustn't have liked our names!!

CremeEggThief · 16/08/2023 18:15

Just saw your update and I think that's for the best.

CremeEggThief · 16/08/2023 18:14

I think you should at least run it past your cousin and try to gauge if she's ok with it.
I think you should choose something different if she doesn't like the idea of you using it. She did get there first after all.

Original poster

RosieG82 · 16/08/2023 18:09

Thanks everyone for the comments. I didn’t speak to my cousin in the end but we’ve decided to go with a different name which isn’t in the family! I’ve reflected a bit and kind of agree that it’s a bit odd

OP posts:

petuniasandpetals · 16/08/2023 07:07

I was at a baby group where two sisters had both given their babies the same name. I thought it was silly!

BitOutOfPractice · 16/08/2023 07:04

I think it’s an odd thing to do personally. And i Think you’re being off to feel “miffed” with people who also find it odd.

but hey I think you’re going to use it anyway.

nameitagain · 16/08/2023 06:56

Whatever you do, don't ask permission. Just give them a heads up if you want.

3rdtimemumma · 16/08/2023 04:26

Use the name! You'll often choose a name that's the same as a neighbour's/ classmate of older child etc. This is fine too, but better to be someone you don't see often. I'd probably check my cousin felt okay about it too. I reckon this is why people go for such weird names these days, trying to be unique. Really odd. Choose a name you like. I do find it strange when people name their child the same name as them though. Spend whole life calling up the stairs for "little Paul" or "big paul" but still, it's their choice.

SofiaAmes · 16/08/2023 01:53

I have the same name as one of my cousins. My daughter has the same name as 2 of her cousins (and she grew seeing one of them at least weekly). My son has the same name as one of my cousins. In all cases, each of them had their own nickname. We are Italian and Jewish and this is very very common in both cultures.

I think it's interesting that it's ok to name a boy the same as his father or uncle, but people seem to get much more upset if you do that with a girl.