He wants to name the baby after his dead girlfriend

My friends boyfriend died suddenly when they were both 22 and madly in love. Heartbroken. She went on to get married. She wouldn't have dreamt of naming her ds the bfs name but she does regularly visit his grave and has kept in touch with his family. Her dh doesn't mind as he was fully aware of her story when he married her
Definitely no way to the name but his past cannot be denied.

I'd have said no. I know someone who may well be in a similar situation someday - first love died tragically. He remained close to her family and it had a profound effect on him but he's moved on - will no doubt fall in love and marry some day. I could see him suggesting this but I think it would be a very bad suggestion and not a good thing for anyone.

In OP's case, I'd be more worried about the girlfriend being on a pedestal - it is hard to compete with the dead. If he hasn't worked through his feelings for this dead girlfriend and figured out what place her memory has in his life now that he is committed to another woman and about to have a baby ... well now would be a good time to do that.

(the Irish poet/writer Percy French's first wife died young and he married again and they called one of their daughters after her)

You're not over-reacting to find that inappropriate.

I think there's a huge difference between a name after an ex who is still alive than one that isn't.
My partners first girlfriend passed away when they were at uni. He suggested her name as a tribute. We didn't go for it in the end as he changed his mind. I wasn't cross, the poor girl died, she was no threat to our relationship and she was in the past.
I still talk about my ex partner, and the dad to my eldest two, he's a very close friend and I love him, I'm just not in love with him. I wouldn't suggest naming a child after him though as he's still around and part of my life.

I know a guy who suggested his OW's name for his baby girl, and his (unknowing) Wife agreed, so this seems small fry in comparison.

Seriously though, it's fine that it's not appropriate for you, but him suggesting it isn't the end of the world. Take it as a sign that he's a Man capable of love & respect that transcends life. It's not a bad thing.

You sound lovely ...

He suggested a name. Not wisely. He stepped back from it. On the basis of this, the 'rage' and 'cheek of him' responses are massively disproportionate.

He’s with OP now and they’re having a baby which is also huge.

OP, he was wrong to suggest it and the pedestal thing isn’t good.

I would have gone totally nuts! The cheek of him.

Even contemplating naming a baby after an ex is just weird - no matter what the circumstances! Ick

I do think he needs to get more considerate of your feelings and quickly if you have a baby on the way.

I’d definitely say no, but I wouldn’t be angry about it.

I’m with you, OP. I’d be raging.

No f-ing way.

Where on earth did you get that from?

OP, I suspect the issue is that she’s been on his pedestal since her death?

I wouldn’t be happy either. It would be like him calling to her every time he shouted lovingly to your daughter.

He needs to grieve for the dead gf not name someone else’s baby after her. That’s just weird.

Sounds like he’s not moved on from her tbh. Wants her name on his lips. That’s all sorts of nope.

He needs counselling to move on.

I wouldn’t want to use the name but I don’t think he needs to apologise for suggesting it

I would have gently said no.

He suffered a huge loss..

No chance. He shouldn't have even suggested it

I'm with you, OP. I would not be happy at his suggesting the name of his long lost deceased love. It wouldn't just be the name issue (although that's weird and inappropriate), it's the fact it suggests that he spends a lot of time daydreaming about her.

Hard to compete with an idealised ghost.

one of my children has the name of an ex who died young (43).
He was a good man, we weren’t compatible together, but I miss him being in the world and his name is cool.

my dh was happy to go with the name when I suggested it.
it feels like you’re being a little dramatic to be ‘super mad’ over a liking of a name.

It might just be a lovely name though? - it doesn't mean it's in her memory...

I had it in reverse. My partner had an ex girlfriend called Zelda and I loved the name and wanted to use it but he vetoed because of her!

This sounds like the tip of the iceberg and what’s really bothering you is the fact he’s put her on a pedestal.

It's understandable that you didn't like it but did you explain in a civilised way? Being mad that he'd even suggest it is excessive. How about calmly explain that it isn't appropriate, that most people would find it hard enough that he has a dead ex who he seems to put on a pedestal, and that the last thing you'd want is your child's name reminding you of this. But don't rant and rave about it - explain calmly then let it go. He needs time to process and understand that he was insensitive.

Well I wouldn't be super mad but I'd definitely think he was a bit of a tit for suggesting it. No I wouldn't like it, it would be like her ghost shadowing the rest of our lives - no thank you.

Sorry for the grammar. His and his wife's first child....