He wants to name the baby after his dead girlfriend

I’d be worried about his EQ of zero

The pedestal issue and him suggesting naming your baby after her is unhealthy. Very much so. I’d be pissed at the suggestion too.

Well what woman in their right mind would want to name their baby after their partners deceased girlfriend?! I can’t think of anything worse or that would put more of a downer on what should be an exciting event!

I know this is mumsnet and everyone should be cool with everything but personally I’d be fuming that my partner was trying to forever imprint his baggage onto what should be a new, exciting chapter in both of their lives. It’s selfish.

one might say an irrelevant anecdote in the context of the thread.

I don’t think I’d mind this so long as I liked the name. Maybe I’d be happier if her name was a middle name. As others have said it’s not as if she’s a living threat though.

That's so wonderful. I'm really happy to hear it - I know we are all strangers here but your story & eloquent writing always stayed with me. 😘

Oh for God's sake!

That's what I said, isn't it?🙄🙄🙄

The point was - it's easy enough to say a name that has past connotations without it being significant.

So surprised at the strength of feeling here. My eldest's middle name is the same as my late boyfriend's. He was a very fine person. It's nice to acknowledge him in that way. My wonderful DH never blinked and I never imagined he would, or it was inappropriate.

Thank you so much @EarringsandLipstick, that’s so kind! I miss DH every single day and always will, but DP is a lovely, kind, thoughtful man who loves me and DD through and through. I’m very fortunate to have met him.

Did he?

I’d be considering whether I even wanted a future with him.

My 3rd DC is named the same as my first love, a very early & innocent (but significant) romance. When I chose it it didn't even occur to me that might be a connection. I've always loved the name, and spell it differently. I recognise that's v different to a deceased GF but honestly it didn't cross my mind.

Completely different I'd say.

Peach** sorry for thread derail - I'm so glad you've found happiness again! (I remember your posts about DH). 💗

There's no fixation evident by his choice of name.

OP mentions dead GF is on a pedestal - she provides no examples, but if that's the case, then obviously it's a bigger issue.

My 3rd DC is named the same as my first love, a very early & innocent (but significant) romance. When I chose it it didn't even occur to me that might be a connection. I've always loved the name, and spell it differently. I recognise that's v different to a deceased GF but honestly it didn't cross my mind.

The name is not the side

I don't think I'd mind the suggestion. I always thought if I'd married a widower I wouldn't expect him to stop loving his first wife. I think you can love and miss a dead person whilst loving a new person and moving forward. I wouldn't want it for a first name unless it was one of my top contenders anyway, but middle name would be ok.

I'm assuming that my marriage is happy though and he's not always implying that his first wife was better than me. If so, that's different and I wouldn't be happy but for different reasons.

The daughter would remind him of his ex I don’t think it’s appropriate.

She’s not his ex though, is she? She’s his late partner. Very different.

My DH died 3 years ago. I still love him and always will. My DP understands that entirely. Personally I don’t think I would use his name for a child I had with another man, but if I did suggest it DP certainly wouldn’t be angry – he would understand that it would be a way of paying tribute to someone I loved and had lost.

It’s hard dating someone who has been bereaved. It’s not for everyone. I would suggest talking to a counsellor if you’re finding it tough and want to continue in the relationship. Because he’s always going to love his late partner. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you too. And her presence will probably become smaller in his life over time. But she’ll always be there.

I don't think the OP sees a dead woman as a threat fgs, rather she's unsettled by her partner's fixation on his deceased ex girlfriend.

Weird

Good grief, she's dead! It's not as if she's a threat. To be raging about it is ridiculous.

As the saying goes it’s not the dead you need to worry about it’s the living.

I can understand some might dislike it. I personally would think its beautiful to remember someone my dp loved/loves. its part of loving that person to accept that person's life. I was once with an elderly family friend whose dh had passed away and she said to me, I am happy that he is now in heaven with his first wife (who had passed away very young) because he missed her so much. I found that beautiful.

I wouldn't be angry but I'd find it very upsetting

I think it is very insensitive and inappropriate to suggest. At least he has taken your objection on board, i would try and let it blow over.