Changing an infant's name when she's nearly 2

It's not your name anymore op.

I felt the same and wished I had called dd by her middle name. There is nothing wrong with her first name, it just isn't who we are iyswim. Dd felt the same when she was older and we discussed using her middle name instead. We told her she could do that when she started secondary school as she would be meeting so many new people she didn't know then. Oddly, it just never happened. She continues to use and be known by her first name. I think the name just becomes the much loved person you know in the end. Hopefully, you'll come to feel the same way. I can't imagine a 2 year old will not be confused and possibly harmed by having her name changed now.

She's two. It's her name, not yours. No, you can't change it.

Really?? But then that doesn’t surprise me as there’s a forums out there for ‘rehoming’ adoptive children. I won’t even change my dogs names when I adopt them.

Adoptive parents cannot change the forenames if the child is over 6 months old now. They can change their surnames once the adoption is completed though.

Yes I was going to say the same as @ChatterMonkey use both first and middle when you call her and then after a while just drop the first.

I can't stand my first name but would happily go by my middle name.

@Mercymymercyme No they aren’t lesser children, but when older children are adopted there are often safeguarding issues. That’s why there’s a difference.

I didn’t grow up with my birth parents either.

Wow. I'm an adopter and the others I know haven't changed names. We added middle names, but didn't change the first name. The advice is generally not to change first names on adoption unless there is a safety risk due to a very 'out there' name or sibling set of names.

However OP, if you do change the name, keep the old one as a middle one.
Start by double barrelling new-old. So currently called Sue, you want to switch to katie. Start by saying Katie-Sue for a while and then drop Sue.

You only have a short window left, so if you want to do it get on with it.

Could you start transitioning slowly, so start using both first amd middle names, so for example if her name was Milly Mandy, use both names so she gets more used to the second name being used, then gradually drop the first name?

@EmmaPaella but that was their choice, as it should now be with OP’s child

When we looked into adoption we were told this is a complete no. And I think that’s right. Changing the name of a two year old, 2.5 year old, 2 year 11 month old because the new parents would prefer another name is appalling.

If you think it’s not right for the birth parents, such as OP to do this to their birth children why is it ok for it to happen to adopted children? Adopted children are not lesser children.

If you feel super strongly perhaps just use the middle name - it sounds like you had a tough time, but she might absolutely love her name, she's two and a whole little person, you've already got a family nickname you call her so there's no need to officially change things 😊

An officially changed name is an absolute pain as an adult - my mum changed mine when I was young like your daughter, it's followed me around in every form I've ever filled in and it's been a right pain, so if you can avoid that I would personally!

I empathise OP. It’s a horrible time and no wonder you couldn’t think straight. I bet her name is lovely though. Name regret can be a symptom of PND.

I mean this kindly - but does it matter if you don’t love it? I think there’s too much angst over names; it’s a way of distinguishing one person from another. That she is who she is is what’s important. You’ve given her a name; it’s now “hers”. And unless it’s truly awful or wacko or now has dreadful connotations that you hadn’t realised (I remember a mother posting about changing her DD’s name from Isis a few years ago - she’d thought goddess and not terrorist organisation), just leave it at that. I’ve “gone off” one of my DD’s names a bit; I’d choose something else if I had my time again. But she likes it and it’s her and it’s “hers” - not my call any longer.

the pronunciation issue will probably sort itself out over time. New people might pronounce it wrong but everyone else will have learnt provided you correct them.

You don’t need to officially change anything

I agree. My name is still officially The Soup Dragon (not really, obviously) but I'm only ever known as Soup other than official things or where I've not bothered to correct them (the doctor calls me The for example).

My daughter started using her full name not nickname at 5/6 and it is essentially a different name. That was her choice not mine so we just told the school and the teachers started calling her the long version. It can be done. My great grandmother was known as her middle name because she decided she preferred it from fairly young.

Thing is though you're centring yourself - why would you have let her down because you picked a name you don't love? Now she's a proper person with awareness, what matters is that she likes it. You've given no indication that she doesn't like it.

Just use her middle name. It’s very common to do this. I know several people who do so.
You can’t change a 2 year olds name for no good reason. Her name is part of her self identity now.

I was certain about her siblings names, and I still love them.

But they might not like them and may decide to change them, where as your daughter may love her name and never consider changing it.

The point being it their name, and how you feel about it may not reflect how they feel.

You don’t need to officially change anything. At school, we often have children going by a different name than their birth certificate and even forms say ‘known as’. I know quite a few people that have totally different names than their official one.

People use nicknames all the time, they seem to stick. So try using your preferred name and see how it goes?

I have a lot of empathy for you though. The feeling of name regret was the worst feeling of regret I've ever had. 😞 I reckon a lot more people go through it than we realise!

I changed my baby's name, but the process was long. I didn't rush it. I'd never been certain of it and when he was 4 months regret really set in. We started to call him the name from 6 months. We still didn't officially change it on paper until he was nearly a year! The name we settled on was my original favourite so no regrets since (he's 17 months now).
I feel at nearly 2 it's probably too late. The process to change it is different too. It's easy to change before a year old.

Could you just start calling her by her middle name?