Changing an infant's name when she's nearly 2

Don’t change anything officially, plenty of people are known by their second name.

Just stwrt calling her by her second name if you and DH want.

But do stop calling her chubster that’s a really nasty nickname.

Just start using her middle name as her first name? Maybe try using both at once for a while and then phase out the first name? Alot of my family (aunties and uncles on one side) go by their middle names, and growing up, I assumed we referred to them as their actual name, it was only as an adult I found out they all use their middle names as first names. My youngest is called Matilda Bonnie, but she gets called "Bonbon" now quite alot (especially by me and her grandparents) and responds to it. She's often been called nicknames such as Tilly Bon, Tilda Bonbon, Bonnie boodle, so can see how it would be quite easy to start using her middle name more than her first.

I think it's appalling if it's true that people change the names of adopted children. Simply appalling.

It's much too late.
And in any case if you're prone to indecision, you might want to change it back after another two years.

I think just go for it! It’s not a huge deal in the grand scheme of life and she’ll get used to it!

Agree. I know four separate families who have adopted and none of their children have had their first names changed. Some added a middle name, and obviously the surname is changed to the adoptive family's name, but the first name is never changed. (First names were often changed decades ago - as is often seen on programs like Long Lost Family - but not allowed now as far as I'm aware)

My feeling is once a child has a name, it is THEIR name and a two year old will know their name.

AIBU?

We're on a group holiday where we all have a caravan per family but do things as a group.
But my son and I are finding the group dynamics a bit overwhelming, particularly as my son is quiet and sensitive to noise, and the others all have siblings and no problems shouting over each other.

There is a lot of fighting between them, "he took this / she took that / he pushed me" etc...which I think is probably typical amongst siblings and whilst I wish the parents would do something to mitigate it (like preparing meals before hangry hits) I think a lot is just kids being kids.

So we've said we're going to spend time by ourselves tomorrow to have some 1-2-1 connection time.

It's got my anxiety riding high on a couple of fronts:

1. My son is due to start school soon. There are 6 kids on this holiday. There will be 30 in a class at school. If he finds this overwhelming how will he cope at school?! (He does go to preschool but it's smaller with 8-12 children)

1. We're thinking of adding to our family. But am worried that he'll find that overwhelming too.

AIBU? Is this how most only children would act in a group? Or does the group seem unusually rowdy?

It is her name now. Making such a thing about this and calling it the worst regret in your life is ridiculous. Your daughter is a person in her own right now. You need to move on.

But it's true. Her daughter is a whole actual person who might love her old name or her new name but they might choose their own name at 11 or change sex at 17 or whatever. It's kind of pointless getting hung up on the name and what kind of idiot changes a kids name after 2 years anyway?

I don't think you could change the name fully now as she has started developing mentally and it could cause a massive issue with 'self' in the future. If you call her ...-.... ie first and middle name then try out just the middle name for a while. A close friend of mine's parents did that with her and since around 6 she has solely gone by her middle name and they have had it legally changed.

I had a friend that went by her middle name. I didn't realise for years that her real name was something else. Her first name was an old fashioned family name that didn't really suit her and is only used for official purpose. Day to day everyone used her middle name. Maybe when she's a bit older you could ask her which one she prefers to be called.

My goodness what rot people spout.

If you are verbally changing the name, see if you can by legal means if you want to.

ignore everyone here, do what’s right for you

It's not your name anymore it's hers so leave it. Even if you don't like it she might, or if you change it to something you like she might change it herself again anyway. Once you name someone you really don't control it anymore.

I know at least 4 people who use or have used their middle name for everything except official documents. They haven't bothered changing it by deed poll. 2 of them have reverted to their first name in adulthood.

And it definitely isn't normal or ok to change the names of older adopted kids - I don't think this happens.

After a while, all names just "become" the person they refer to in our minds. You might not always feel like you do about her name.

Gently, I don't think it is usual to feel so upset about it, it doesn't mean you've made some terrible mistake. She has a name, I suspect the name is absolutely fine, you haven't messed up.

I think it’s fine to change it, it’s already her middle name. Just say ‘as we’ve got to know her and her personality has developed, we feel like she suits her middle name more’. No need to change officially on documents. I honestly wouldn’t really question it if a friend did it.

Are you one of those parents who gives their kid a name like 'sian' and everyone pronounces it normally, 'charn' and your upset because people don't know you ant them to say SeeAnn?

You really have to stop calling her chubster 😳 poor kid.

If the name you prefer is her middle name then surely you could start using it as her nickname/preferred name for her?

My Grandad was the only person who called me by (a shortened version of) my middle name and I remember that really fondly. With some children it really sticks. I have a friend who's son's name, that everyone uses, from school to family to friends, is actually his middle name.

But yes, it's too late to officially change it. It's an option for them as adults, of course, but it is their choice now, not yours.

Why don't you just start calling her by her middle name?

I know a couple who adopted two boys recently , the younger boy had a pretty cringey name, so they changed it gradually , initially by using the two names together ie. John Peter then saying the second one louder for while ‘John PETER’ and then eventually dropping the first one altogether so he’s just Peter . Over about a month or two…. and he didn’t notice . A couple of years on and he’s fine.

You can't change it now no, at 6 months maybe yes, but at 2 years old definitely not