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Baby names

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Original poster

Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

365 replies

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 17:02

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

OP posts:
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KnackeredAF · 28/04/2023 18:51

KnackeredAF · 28/04/2023 18:50

Well

I’m the sister in this scenario.
My son has the same name as my half sisters’ deceased father. He was absent for one of them, and he was a horrible abusive husband whilst married to my mum.
I’m the youngest, so had nothing to do with him.

The name is a family name for my partner, and two of our closest friends have the same name. We both had it as our first choice. I discussed it with no one because I didn’t want to encourage the association - I clearly didn’t pick it for him.

Are you sure there’s no other reason for her picking the name? Maybe her partner loves the name and it was nothing to do with your dad when they picked it?

“I clearly didn’t pick it for him” meaning the deceased father, not the newborn son. I definitely picked his name 🙃

Butchyrestingface · 28/04/2023 18:51

#TeamReddit

You don't seem mature enough to be having kids.

By all means smoke Netmums and Tattle up next though.

CarrotCake01 · 28/04/2023 18:51

I do get why you'd be annoyed by it but you can't really call dibs on a baby name. Especially if your sister didn't even know you wanted it.
In this case I don't think your sister did anything wrong, sorry.
Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones!

moomoomoo27 · 28/04/2023 18:51

If it was a completely unique variation of the name that no one else in the world had, I'd be annoyed.

Otherwise there are lots of people out there with that name so I wouldn't be annoyed over one instance of it. And I'd just name my child the same thing if I wanted. My brother just named his son the same first name as my partner of 15 years (just because they liked the name), no one was bothered.

KnackeredAF · 28/04/2023 18:50

Well

I’m the sister in this scenario.
My son has the same name as my half sisters’ deceased father. He was absent for one of them, and he was a horrible abusive husband whilst married to my mum.
I’m the youngest, so had nothing to do with him.

The name is a family name for my partner, and two of our closest friends have the same name. We both had it as our first choice. I discussed it with no one because I didn’t want to encourage the association - I clearly didn’t pick it for him.

Are you sure there’s no other reason for her picking the name? Maybe her partner loves the name and it was nothing to do with your dad when they picked it?

TheMarsian · 28/04/2023 18:49

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 17:08

I am not planning on changing her name. I just want to ask her so bad why?

For the same reasons than you. She wanted to celebrate the man that has brought her up since she was 2yo. The man that is NOT her father which is why this was probably even more important for her to acknowledge that bond.
I Actually think that what your sister did is lovely tbh

aSofaNearYou · 28/04/2023 18:47

adriftabroad · 28/04/2023 17:12

I bet you were a fabulous stepsister.
Either way, she has known him longer than you.

What kind of logic is this? Is this a reasonable stick to beat all younger siblings with?

Personally, I think OP is just going to have to let this one go - if she didn't make her intentions to use the name clear then it's just one of those things. But the comments on this thread are dismissive and nasty.

So often it's argued on MN that there is no reason for younger half siblings to have any complex feelings about growing up with half siblings they are constantly made to concede are just as beloved to their parent as they, there biological child is, even if they have two present parents themselves. Well, here is the evidence that they can and do. If only there was half as much empathy for that as there is for step children.

Original poster
Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:45

AlmostaMamma · 28/04/2023 18:38

This.

What say you @Maxinemumof2 ?

Show quote history

I say the same thing I said before. He isn't her father and he hasn't raised her completely, they had shared custory. She was home every other weekend and half the holidays.

Yes again, she has known everyone and everything more than me. She knew the existence of Colombia before me. She has known our mum more than me. All these don't neglect the reality that it is our mother and Colombia is a country.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 28/04/2023 18:45

“No, she wasn't supposed to know the family member was my dad. “

So, she didn’t know that you wanted to use Alexandra (say) - I really don’t think she’s done anything wrong here, though I understand you are upset.

FWIW, I decided the name of my first born when I was 8 - if my MIL had happened to be called Davina, I would still have used David for him (not the actual names) and it wouldn’t have been to “honour” her.

MumToBeOf2 · 28/04/2023 18:43

Might be off the cuff here but I think it's wrong

As someone who has half siblings in my life, if they named their baby after my mum, I'd be fuming

Moveoverdarlin · 28/04/2023 18:42

I can see why you’re upset. That would piss me off too. But in my experience if there are two pregnancies in the same family and there could be contention over a name, it’s always best to get in first and shout from the rooftops about what you intend to call them.

Your Dad must be a great man for you both to really want to use his name. Carry on and use the name if you feel strongly, but there are some lovely girls names out there, and if you’re using the Alexandra / Danielle purely because it’s a nod to your Dad and not just because you love the name then maybe have a rethink.

ironorchids · 28/04/2023 18:42

DorritLittle · 28/04/2023 18:03

I am clearly in a minority but I’d be annoyed too. I wouldn’t say anything but I’d be quite gutted.

Same, I'd be gutted.

I think I'd still use the name though. It wouldn't feel right to not use a name I loved for this reason.

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 18:40

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:37

Thanks for your inputs, even the rude ones. I might be petty indeed, though I'd describe it annoyance. Her father figure, is her own father. He didn't stop being her father because he divorced our mother. She was going there every other week, going on holidays with her step-sibling and paternal half siblings.

No, she wasn't supposed to know the family member was my dad.

I am planning on keeping my family name, and giving the baby my family name. So I am going to leave it at that.

I think the family name is a nice thing, and it'll mean any subsequent children you might have can share it too without having to worry too much.

OldFan · 28/04/2023 18:39

@Maxinemumof2 I understand you feel gazumped, but if your dad came into her life when she was 2 then he was very much involved with her upbringing and it seems she loves him too.

Could you name yours something hyphenated or something?

AlmostaMamma · 28/04/2023 18:38

PousseyNotMoira · 28/04/2023 18:04

She uses your dad’s name because she loves him. He’s been in her life since she was two years old and she loves him. It’s really that simple.

‘She has her own dad’ doesn’t impact on that. Perhaps she loves them equally, perhaps she loves your dad more. It’s honestly none of your business, as you don’t own your father, you don’t get to gatekeep who loves him and how much, or how they choose to express that love.

The overwhelming majority of posters on two very different platforms have told you that they think you’re wrong. As you’re apparently unwilling to accept either that YTA or YABU, what is it you’re hoping to achieve here?

This.

What say you @Maxinemumof2 ?

Original poster
Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:37

Thanks for your inputs, even the rude ones. I might be petty indeed, though I'd describe it annoyance. Her father figure, is her own father. He didn't stop being her father because he divorced our mother. She was going there every other week, going on holidays with her step-sibling and paternal half siblings.

No, she wasn't supposed to know the family member was my dad.

I am planning on keeping my family name, and giving the baby my family name. So I am going to leave it at that.

OP posts:
newnamethanks · 28/04/2023 18:35

Reddit is right.

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 18:35

this seems another way in which blended families are complicated. You’re allowed your own emotions on this, regardless of whether anyone else thinks you’re unreasonable for not considering your blended family in the way you’re told you should.

The bottom line is that you are your father’s daughter, she isn’t, and your child will be his first grandchild. I don’t think you’re wrong in thinking your relationship with him is different to the relationship your half sister has with him. Most people want to be considered special to their own parents, it’s hardly an outrageous desire.

Ignore your sister and name your child the name you want.

Lachimolala · 28/04/2023 18:34

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 17:43

If she says " X, he is like my dad" I'd at least have a reason. Wrong or not - according to me-.

Show quote history

You’ve said she’s called her older child after you mum and now her youngest after your dad, despite having her own dad. And that if you did the same with her dads name she’d kick off.

Sounds like a horrible person to be honest.

He’s your dad, I would absolutely call your baby after him still. Is there another female version of his name? Or a nickname?

ironorchids · 28/04/2023 18:34

I can see how it's annoying for someone close to you to name their child the name you were planning, just a little before you give birth. That doesn't mean you can't use the name though.

For all you know she expected you to name your child after your mother, and decided to to do something a little more unusual and name her daughter after her father figure instead. Or she may just like the name. Maybe she doesn't like the feminine version of her biological dad's name.

Either way it's not likely to be to try to take anything away from you. And it's not unusual to have the same name as your cousin.

Just use the name you want to use regardless.

Landndialamrhf · 28/04/2023 18:33

How many more people do you need to tell you you’re BU 😂
she was raised since she was 2 by that man. She can have two father figures.
she didn’t get on with her step mum so perhaps even though you think her dad is a very nice man, she has some resentment of that situation. Or maybe she just picked a name she liked. It’s done now either way
So name the baby after your dad, pick a slightly different name that is linked eg Henry to Harry or Harold, find a different name in your dads family to use - a middle name or his dads name for example. Or pick a different name. That’s it. There’s nothing to be gained from making a fuss now, the child is already named.

DannyZukosSmile · 28/04/2023 18:32

GameOfBumps · 28/04/2023 18:28

You were an asshole the second you said your baby will be his first grandchild. It isn't, your sisters baby is his first grandchild. He helped raise her from 2yo. Honestly you sound possessive and jealous. No matter why she chose it, no one owns a name. If you wanted it badly you should have had that conversation with your sister, and even then she wouldn't be an asshole for picking what name she wanted anyway.

Exactly - so rude and unpleasant to say HER baby is his first grandchild! As I said, I do wonder if her half sister did this to annoy her. OP sounds so demanding and irksome that she may have done it to annoy her. Even if the half sister DIDN'T do it on purpose - from the way the OP is kicking off, she would have found SOME reason to slate her half sister!

Wonnle · 28/04/2023 18:31

Grow up . It's only a name and there are only a limited amount of them , unless you make up your own

DannyZukosSmile · 28/04/2023 18:30

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/04/2023 18:26

Honestly I assumed your Dad was dead from all this fuss! You didn’t tell her you wanted to name your daughter after your Dad, so why shouldn’t she?

There’s probably a different version of the name you can use eg Nicolette rather than Nicola if you’re that bothered, or just use it as a middle name.

The mere fact you say you told her you wanted to call your daughter after a family ‘but you weren’t sure who’ does rather make me think you weren’t planning this until she did.

Anyway, put your toys back in the pram and grow up. No one owns a name.

Exactly this. ^ And as a pp said, how must the mother feel with all this desperation to name the babies after the dad/step dad. As you say, time for the OP to put her toys back in the pram, and grow up, and get over herself. As I said, to post on here, and get all huffy and sniffy because people say she is being unreasonable is ludicrous. And she is being so RUDE towards her (half) sister.

Nanof8 · 28/04/2023 18:29

Call your baby the same name. I have several family members that have the same name. Some used derivatives for nicknames some didn't. We had at least 5 Dorothys in our small town that were all related.
Also I think you abu by referring to your child as the "first" grandchild. With the girls only being a few months apart I hope they are able to grow up together.