Page 7 | Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

Maxinemumof2 · 2023-04-28T16:02:26+00:00

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents. I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed. He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later. She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father. So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him. Should I say something or just move on?

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NewNovember · 28/04/2023 19:08

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 17:17

And? He is not her father. She has known our mother longer too, doesn't make me any less of my mum's child. She has a father, who took care of her.

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Yes he is her step father. Sorry your second opinion didn't go well.

TheMarsian · 28/04/2023 19:07

She also had an involved step dad and wanted to acknowledge that.
what’s wrong with that? Are you only ‘allowed’ to acknowledge your bio dad?

DannyZukosSmile · 28/04/2023 19:07

ChrisPPancake · 28/04/2023 18:59

Tf has Colombia got to do with it?!

If you'd explicitly said "Hey sis, I'm naming my baby after dad" and she'd got there first then I can see why you'd be miffed, but from what you've posted you didn't do that?

You can speculate all you like but if you want to know why you did it you'll need to ask her. And if he's been in her life since she was 2 it's entirely possible that he sees her children as his first grandchildren.

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Yeah, I don't get the sister knowing about the existence of Colombia reference either.

LuckyPeonies · 28/04/2023 19:07

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:58

If I was her father. I'd be p*ssed off. Now I just need to find a new name.

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Yes, that definitely sounds like a deliberate snub to her father. Which, considering you stated he was in her life and shared custody and they have a decent relationship, is not nice of her at all. Did you tell your dad you meant to name your child after him? Does he have a middle name you could use instead? Or a relative he loved you could name your daughter after?

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 19:06

ittakes2 · 28/04/2023 19:01

If you had said you were going to have a particular name and she took it that would be unfair. But it’s alarming you think you have more tabs on your father as she is not his blood. She has known him as a father for as long as she can remember and I am guessing he feels strongly about her too.

It’s not alarming that his actual daughter thinks that she is special to her own father.

bridgetreilly · 28/04/2023 19:05

Great news, OP, you still have two and a half months to GET OVER IT.

SongsThatBoughtTheHouseAndCars · 28/04/2023 19:05

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 28/04/2023 18:55

It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Your sisters baby is his first grandchild.

You can say that, but it’s not true. This woman has a bio dad who is involved in her life. It’s his grandchild.

Original poster

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 19:04

ittakes2 · 28/04/2023 19:01

If you had said you were going to have a particular name and she took it that would be unfair. But it’s alarming you think you have more tabs on your father as she is not his blood. She has known him as a father for as long as she can remember and I am guessing he feels strongly about her too.

She has not known him as a father. She has a father who is present and helped raised her. She knew who her dad was growing up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 19:03

KnackeredAF · 28/04/2023 18:50

Well

I’m the sister in this scenario.
My son has the same name as my half sisters’ deceased father. He was absent for one of them, and he was a horrible abusive husband whilst married to my mum.
I’m the youngest, so had nothing to do with him.

The name is a family name for my partner, and two of our closest friends have the same name. We both had it as our first choice. I discussed it with no one because I didn’t want to encourage the association - I clearly didn’t pick it for him.

Are you sure there’s no other reason for her picking the name? Maybe her partner loves the name and it was nothing to do with your dad when they picked it?

I am very sorry to what happened to you and your family.

I am 100% sure she named her "Alexandra" for my dad. She was like "I have surprise for you, look at the name tag". She keeps sending messages on the group family "Cheeky like "Alexander" bet she will be a great cook like him".

Like 10 or 20 messages a day.

OP posts:

ittakes2 · 28/04/2023 19:01

If you had said you were going to have a particular name and she took it that would be unfair. But it’s alarming you think you have more tabs on your father as she is not his blood. She has known him as a father for as long as she can remember and I am guessing he feels strongly about her too.

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 19:01

aSofaNearYou · 28/04/2023 18:47

What kind of logic is this? Is this a reasonable stick to beat all younger siblings with?

Personally, I think OP is just going to have to let this one go - if she didn't make her intentions to use the name clear then it's just one of those things. But the comments on this thread are dismissive and nasty.

So often it's argued on MN that there is no reason for younger half siblings to have any complex feelings about growing up with half siblings they are constantly made to concede are just as beloved to their parent as they, there biological child is, even if they have two present parents themselves. Well, here is the evidence that they can and do. If only there was half as much empathy for that as there is for step children.

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Indeed. Telling them they’re wrong for feeling that way doesn’t change the fact that many do.

Minimalme · 28/04/2023 19:00

Please let this go. You are so fortunate to have a Dad you love enough to want to name your child after him.

I had a shit Dad, shit Mum and because of our shit upbringing, have no relationship with my siblings.

On the upside, I also have no one to feud with.

SongsThatBoughtTheHouseAndCars · 28/04/2023 18:59

I think she sounds a bit desperate OP. Giving kids a middle name that’s a nod to a relative is one thing, or giving one child a grandparents name is possibly sweet, but giving both her children the names of her mum and step dad, it’s too much. I bet a part of your parents think that too and I’m not surprised your dad apologised to your sisters real dad. It’s ridiculous.

Imagine your parents introducing themselves and your sisters kids to someone one day ‘I’m Jane, this is my husband Philip, and here’s 2 of our grandchildren also called, erm, errr, Jane and.....Philippa.’ 😅

My advice would be to give your new baby girl a new name. She’s not a mini ‘girl version’ of your dad and she deserves a name different to her cousin.

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 18:59

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 28/04/2023 18:55

It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Your sisters baby is his first grandchild.

We don’t know if he considers the sister’s baby to be.

He may very well consider OP’s daughter to be his first, which she indeed is.

ChrisPPancake · 28/04/2023 18:59

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:45

I say the same thing I said before. He isn't her father and he hasn't raised her completely, they had shared custory. She was home every other weekend and half the holidays.

Yes again, she has known everyone and everything more than me. She knew the existence of Colombia before me. She has known our mum more than me. All these don't neglect the reality that it is our mother and Colombia is a country.

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Tf has Colombia got to do with it?!

If you'd explicitly said "Hey sis, I'm naming my baby after dad" and she'd got there first then I can see why you'd be miffed, but from what you've posted you didn't do that?

You can speculate all you like but if you want to know why you did it you'll need to ask her. And if he's been in her life since she was 2 it's entirely possible that he sees her children as his first grandchildren.

Verbena17 · 28/04/2023 18:58

I’m with you @Maxinemumof2 - I think it’s a bit strange for sure and I’m sure she 100% realised what she did.

I do wonder though if her reason was a thoughtful one - kind of showing your father how much he means to her….. you don’t need to prove anything to him as he’s your own father but perhaps she wanted to show him a special thank you for bringing her up so nicely (even though she also had her own dad).

That being said, she was pretty thoughtless to you/your feelings and I think should have mentioned it…..but that’s why I don’t think she did. I think she knew what she was doing.

There are so many ways in which you can show your father how much you love him and your baby’s name is just one of them. And to be honest, the female version of your dad’s name isn’t really naming her after him. It’s a nod towards but not his actual name. I think it would have been worse we’re you both having boys and she had named her boy after him - same name.

You could always see what your dad’s name means and then find another girls name which has the same sort of meaning. Or like others have said, use your mother’s name as a middle name etc.

ActDottie · 28/04/2023 18:58

I agree with Reddit. From the way you were writing the post I assumed your father has tragically died! No one owns a name.

Original poster

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:58

LittleMG · 28/04/2023 18:56

Because she loves him OP I can see your point but honestly let this be the last time you think about it. It’s over and done and it won’t help you to go on about it.

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If I was her father. I'd be p*ssed off. Now I just need to find a new name.

OP posts:

Lachimolala · 28/04/2023 18:57

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 28/04/2023 18:55

It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Your sisters baby is his first grandchild.

Not really though, they aren’t related at all.

OP’s baby is his first grandchild.

Twazique · 28/04/2023 18:57

I would be really upset if this had happened to me!

So now she has little my mum and little my dad.

I would use both your mum and dad's names as two middle names, and an even better fabulous amazing first name. Your baby will be her own person with her own name and also honour your parents. Head over to the baby name forum and post an if I like this name what else would I like and we will suggest some lovely names.

Original poster

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:56

Butchyrestingface · 28/04/2023 18:51

#TeamReddit

You don't seem mature enough to be having kids.

By all means smoke Netmums and Tattle up next though.

Thanks for the advice and for your ability to judge my maturity to have a child :)

OP posts:

Ahwelltoobad · 28/04/2023 18:56

Hi @Maxinemumof2, I'd be annoyed, too. Actually upset, probably. So what if others think you're unreasonable, it's your first child, you feel what you feel. That said, I hope you can all be friends going forward, it'll be fantastic for the girls to have each other growing up.

LittleMG · 28/04/2023 18:56

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 17:08

I am not planning on changing her name. I just want to ask her so bad why?

Because she loves him OP I can see your point but honestly let this be the last time you think about it. It’s over and done and it won’t help you to go on about it.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 28/04/2023 18:55

It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Your sisters baby is his first grandchild.

DannyZukosSmile · 28/04/2023 18:53

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:45

I say the same thing I said before. He isn't her father and he hasn't raised her completely, they had shared custory. She was home every other weekend and half the holidays.

Yes again, she has known everyone and everything more than me. She knew the existence of Colombia before me. She has known our mum more than me. All these don't neglect the reality that it is our mother and Colombia is a country.

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EH?