Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

I’m imagining your mum and dad to be called Claire and Paul and she’s got these two poor kids called Claire and Paula. 🤣 What a nutter!🤣

I think you can take comfort in the fact that everyone who knows the family will find it rather odd/amusing! I can see why you’re upset, actually - and usually I’m very much of the “no one owns a name” perspective. Given you are pregnant (and her child has your mum’s name), it would’ve been nice of her to mention it to you at least.

I do agree with a pp about it being nice for children to have their “own” name. I wanted to call DD after my aunt; my DH didn’t (on the grounds that her name should be “hers”), so we compromised on the middle name. And, with the benefit of hindsight, I’m glad - he was right. My aunt was thrilled with the middle name - and we found something that worked better with our surname and was undoubtedly my DD’s.

Various options, though - if we’re calling your dad Alexander:

• Use a different variant- Alexia, Alexis, Lexie, Sasha…
• Use it, but use the middle name day to day (eg Alexandra Rose, known as Rose)
• Use it as a middle name

The fact of the matter is people are allowed to be upset the other way around, as well.

They could as easily say it upsets them to hear their parents talk about their stepchild in the same way they talk about them, especially when they didn't live with them full time and haven't raised them as their own.

There are lots of different potential feelings for different people in the situation and they're all worthy of consideration.

I'm the same as your sister - my mum moved in with my stepdad when I was 2, my bio dad has always been around too. My mum and stepdad went on to have my 2 'half' brothers.

Id be really upset if they spoke about me how you're speaking about your DSis. I've never felt 'different' to my siblings; my stepdad has always treat me as his own - in fact, I probably get on with him better than he does with my 'half' siblings, and I have a better relationship with him than I do with my bio dad.

My kids were my parents first DGC - had I named one of them after my DSF and my brothers said 'he's not your dad though!' I'd be really devastated. It doesn't even enter my mind that we're not 'blood' related - he's in every way a dad and has brought me up. I'd be upset but also really pissed off that they felt they had any say in how I should see my DSF - I didn't choose to have him as my stepdad, but he chose to have me as his stepdaughter - nobody else gets to define the relationship I have with him.

Your sisters relationship with her 'step'dad has nothing to do with you!

She has one father. Her stepfather is not a parent in any legal sense, doesn’t consider her to be his daughter, and doesn’t consider her daughter to be his grandchild.

Was your father close to his mother? If so, name the baby after her & he will love it.

Just use it as a middle name, he won’t know.

I think it’s off that she never told you she was using your dad and her step-dads name. She must have realised it was a name worth mentioning to her pregnant sister?! Even if she sat down and had a conversation with you to express why she wanted to name her child this.

I also think it’s actually really weird that she would name her children after both parents. That seems really odd. I’m whine if everyone did that? It just doesn’t make sense.

There are loads of harsh comments on here OP but I think you have a right to be annoyed.

I don’t doubt he was, but that doesn’t make being snubbed for a step parent any less hurtful when the bio parent did their best and shared custody.

OP posted her dad apologized to bio dad for the child being named after him, so I think the snub is obvious to everyone.

Yes so she has TWO fathers. Her bio dad doesn't erase her step dad.

I absolutely agree with Reddit

Then ignore her. If you want to honour him by naming his first grandchild after him then do so.

Are you happy to say what your father’s name is? Could there be more than one feminine form

eg Charles - Charlotte - Carla

Francis - Frances-Francesca (Cesca)-François’s

Oliver - Olivia - Livvy

Alexander - Alexandra- Alexa - Lexi-Sandy

Or a name with a similar meaning, but without obvious derivation

e.g. David means Beloved. So does Amy and Cara

Alexander means warrior/defender - Eloise/Louisa means famous warrior

Edward means wealth/prosperity. Names such as Ottilie, Gretchen, Edith, Florence have similar themes.

I actually think that that might be a nicer way to pay tribute to your Dad - to have thoughtfully considered the meaning of his name, whilst at the same time giving your daughter lots of space to ‘own’ her name and identity.

Op I understand your frustration, I wouldn’t say you have to grow up or that you’re immature for thinking that way. I think I’d possibly be the same if my sister did have a good relationship with her dad but chose to honour my dad, I get no one owns a name but I also couldn’t pick the same name ! I think you e been given a hard time on this thread, could you even use the name as a middle name ?

I’d be pretty gutted as the actual dad, if I thought we had a good relationship of course. But I know someone who did the same thing with someone unrelated. I’ve written about it in the post above yours.

No I’m with you. Sorry but it actually annoys me when people name their kids after mine, totally petty but still doesn’t change my view 😄

I agree with PP. Your baby is a brand new person. Not a tribute to any existing living person.

Give her her own name. And use the middle name to "pay tribute" to a parent if you want.

DS1 = first name = his own, middle name = DHs name

DS2 = first name = his own, middle name = name linked to my name

Both boys are thrilled to be linked to us like that (they can be soppy)

Going against the grain, and given everyone has already said you don’t own a name: I think it’s pretty fkn weird she called her child after your dad when her dad is both in the picture and was a decent dad. That just feels odd to me.

Do you and your sister get on well?

It is annoying when this happens but he was her stepfather at least. My husband’s totally unrelated friend named his child after my husband’s late father. Weirdly not his own kind father. But some people are totally fine with there being several with the same name. Might you regret already using his name (but not really as it’s a different name) if you have a son one day? I’d go for a different girl name personally and keep your father’s actual name for a potential son one day. At least she can’t have an Alexandra and an Alexander if she ever has a son now.

What's done is done, and as she obviously won't be changing her daughter's name all you can do is find a name you love for your daughter and put it behind you.
If I were you I'd find a completely new name that you love outright, or, if family names are important to you you could look back along the family tree to find a first and middle name which reflect both sides of your family. Grandmothers or great- grandmothers?

Did she say she was choosing the name because he's a dad to her or was she choosing it because she likes the name and appreciates everything he's done for her? They're different. I don't think she's done it because 'it's her dad'.

Or he’ll be delighted she had someone else in her life that had her back….