Struggling to cope with baby name popularity

Is her name Ava?

I have a name that was very popular I the 80's and 90'a to the point where at a small company of 30 staff, there were four of us with the same name! Ultimately though, it doesn't really matter to me and most people throughout history have been named from a smallish pool of names.

Think of all the Deborah's, Mary's, Ann's, John's, Roberts, Stephens etc born in the 1940-70's. They are getting on just fine with their traditional names. The focus on giving children a unique or rare name seems to be a recent thing.

There are always nicknames if you really want to call her something different. Does she have a middle name you could use instead?

When you're using the words "struggling to cope" about your baby name being popular... Well, either it's time for a major head wobble or it's time to visit the doctor and have a serious talk with them.

I think it's the latter for you. You've recognised that you have had some scary and worrying thoughts about this. I think it's time to sit down with your GP and tell them that you are struggling to cope so you can review your medication and also look into talking therapies. Is there any possibility of paying for therapy privately?

It's not the child's name that's the issue, it's your mental state that you need to address and seek help for.

I cross posted with you before but it sounds to me (in my highly unprofessional opinion) that therapy/further work is needed for your MH. Hyper focussing in on small things out of perspective is an overly anxious response.

Choice of name is something within your control so you’ve made it more important and significant than it actually is. Changing or keeping a name won’t change your dc’s life but you appear to have categorised as something that has that level of importance. You haven’t done your dd a disservice giving them a popular name. If somehow it emerges they really don’t like it, it’s fixable.

Names become popular for a reason - they’re great names!

I have a really common name and was genuinely never minded by it, it’s not super duper exciting but my personality and achievements aren’t defined by my name so it just doesn’t rank in the top 100 of things that cross my mind on a frequent basis.

How do you feel about your own name? if you’re generally fine with it it why do you think your dd will be any different? Names are used a lot but they don’t really impact lives in any huge way and if they do they can be changed.

I think of names like perfumes, most are pleasant enough, some amazing, some not so great but mostly it’s a side note about someone.

You absolutely need therapy, OP -- your response to this non-issue is very disproportionate, and you need some help analysing why exactly your daughter's name name being common is such a trigger. Is it partly just because it reminds you of a difficult time?

Let me guess, Eva or Rose? I wouldn't worry too much, we have our child a brand that was much more common than we realised and it had caused him no issues whatsoever so far.

I gave my first child what I thought was an individual name, there was another child with the same name in the class all through primary. They were both known as the their first name with the first letter of their surname tagged on to differentiate between the kids.
You don’t own a name so can’t let this upset you. Do you have a nick name you use for her ?

There are lots of positives to a common name for a child. Focus on them. Think about the 40 something's called James, Claire and Joanne or the 50 something Susan or Jane. Or the millions of Elizabeths of all ages. It hasn't hurt them one bit.

No difficulty over spelling or pronunciation.

No issue getting personalised gifts.

Unlikely to be teased for a weird name.

Unlikely to be judged or stereotyped

You don't have to repeat your name on the phone or to receptionists

Even if years later there's a pop star/TV character/infamous criminal with the same first name there are so many people don't make a connection.

All makes up for possibly having to be known as Sarah S or Sarah R at school.

Very gently, OP, this is not about the name. What you describe are severely disruptive symptoms of clinical anxiety and you do not have to live like this because there are very effective treatments available. Please talk to a doctor.

I was one of 3 Dianas in primary school and one of 6(!!!) In my uni course. Zero negative feeling or problems experienced about that. None. Perfectly fine. I thank god my parents didn't saddle me with something unique like D'Anna or Bambi or Star...

Exactly! If it wasn't this, it would be something else you would fixate on.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a common classic name. It will not be detrimental to her life in any way and it is 100x preferable to one of those daft yoonique names that more and more people go for.

Please get help for your anxiety

Are you receiving treatment for your anxiety? That's what the issue is here, not the fact that you gave your child a commonly-used name.

My name was very popular at the time I was born. I sat on a table at primary school in tje 1970s that had 6 kids, & 3 of us had the same name! So we were just known as "First Name & surname initial". It was fine, nobody cared, and at least I didn't get teased for having a "silly name". Now it is far less common for babies , but viewed as a classic.

This is really not about your child's name, but about your mmental health, for which you could seek support.

You need help for your anxiety OP. When I had PND (and after) lots of silly things bothered me so much. You don’t have to live with it, medication and therapy can change your life.

This may sound petty but there are advantages - my children absolutely love it when they go somewhere and their (popular/classic) names are on stationery, Christmas decorations, souvenirs.

Sorry to hear you have suffered with pnd, it must have been very hard for you but despite the anxiety of naming, your child is yours and is unique even when sharing the same name as others.

Popular as it's a nice name! I have a very common name and I'm very happy with it. it doesn't mean your child is any less unique or special.

Without wanting to diminish your anxiety, I don't understand why names need to be unusual. Having a popular name means just that, it's popular, well liked! Isn't that a good thing? Rather than a name that no one else likes enough to use for their child?

As an adult I don't care if I meet other people with my name, why would I?

Your anxiety around this is not a "normal" reaction and it is worth looking at why that is.

I hope you can find something that helps.

Popular for a reason. Because it is a lovely name. People remember the person not the name. Bring your DD up well and she will be remembered for her not a name.

Yes, this. Having a popular name is absolutely fine. Are you having any treatment for your anxiety?

I gave my son (5 months old) a top 10 name. We'd loved it for years and years before it got popular again. We still love it and the fact that lots of other people do is surely a good thing?! In my baby group there's a mum who chose a very unusual name and she's already had tons of comments about how unusual it is, "you don't hear that every day" and how babies today have made up names. I've only had lovely comments about his name.

I had an unusual name growing up. Didn't know another one until I was an adult. No one can spell it even now.

The name isn't the issue, your anxiety is, and the name is just a symptom.