Struggling to cope with baby name popularity

OP, can you rewrite the story about how you chose her name. I don’t mean lie, I mean reframe what happened. Imagine telling the story to your daughter when she’s older - 8 years old for example.
´When you were born it was really hard to choose a name for you. I had all these names in my head from when I was a little girl imagining growing up and having a family but because you are half me and half daddy, we needed a name that works in English and in (Dad’s language+culture). (Insert funny example of a name you liked that’s terrible in Dad’s language). Finally we decided on NAME. Daddy has always loved this name and now you are my favourite person named NAME in the whole world.’

i wonder if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect, choose the perfect name etc.

maybe it feeds into some overarching anxiety theme eg) about being the perfect parent, doing everything “right” etc. And that’s why it’s a trigger?

maybe not, I just know this is often an theme in my own thinking. Hopefully you’ll work out why it triggers you so much and make peace with it.

It really doesn’t matter outside of your own head, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a problem for you. It’s popular because most people think it’s beautiful though!

Your child's name is not the problem. It's just an obsession you're fixated on. If you changed the childs name, or sent it to a different nursery, your problem would not go away.

The real problem is your mental health issue and that's what you need to address, get some help with and resolve.

Haven’t RTFT but this, definitely.

it took me a long time to realise this, I learnt about it on mumsnet.

Somebody on her once wrote the anxiety is like a hook and the “name” is the thing you’re hanging on it at the moment.

knowing that alone helped me.

I also looked up rumination and anxiety and have (somewhat) learned how to stop, or try and make myself stop

The names that I had always pictured I would give to my kids didn't work in my partner's language/culture.
Your partner's culture trumped your feelings?
Every name seemed to cause me anxiety and I got lost in what I actually liked and didn't like until everything was a blur and we couldn't even narrow down our list of 20 names.
It's not the name, but that you weren't allowed to choose and that you had anxiety
Eventually we picked a name that is quite common, but that my partner loves. I thought it was fine, and there was nothing else that I liked more and just wanted to giver her a name before I got more ill.
I think the name is something like Sophia or Mia, but it doesn't matter what it is,
how you feel about the name is a symptom of something else.

Could you share the name so we can give you some 'good points' about it?

I remember the anxiety that came with PND. My PND wasn't diagnosed until I moved house and changed GPs when my daughter was 18 months old. By then it had really set in. There's help for you out there. As for your son's name, in every generation there are common names. When I left home and went to work in a residential setting, I was in a set of six girls. Three Jennifers in that set, and another in the set below. As others have said, if your child has a more popular name, lots of people love it, and that's no bad thing. You have to tell yourself that it's your PND and anxiety that is the problem, and your brain has fixated on the name. Once you get proper help, you'll be able to concentrate on just loving your child...including the name.

People are different and names aren't necessarily forever. Some people love having a common name, some people love having an unusual name. Some people value having a name with a real history behind it and a feeling that their parents had a special reason for choosing it, others couldn't care less about this. The same with the meaning of the name: it's important to some people, completely irrelevant to others. Some people value having a 'classic' name and other people want something that goes with the time. It's obviously not objectively an awful name, because otherwise it would have been hard for it to get so popular, so let your daughter grow into it and look for some help for yourself. If she really hates it, she can always change it when she's older. If she asks you how you chose it, tell her the good parts of the story - you really wanted to find the right name for her and you tried out hundreds, but none of them seemed to fit, and finally you found her name which seemed just right.

I was born in the mid sixties and given a name that is usually partnered with Louise or Jane or Elizabeth. When I stared my teacher training there were 10 of us in my cohort with the same first name and one of those 3 middle names. I thought it was funny. It certainly didn't make me feel less me. When my youngest son was born I gave him a name that wasn't madly popular, it wasn't a name that I knew a person with in real life. Then Harry Potter hit the shops. My sons name was the same as one of my parents cats. Some people commented negatively on that. Son is late 20s now and cat has been dead at least 20 years. Your anxiety is messing with your mind Op. The name issue is just the symptom of it.

Does she have a middle name?

Did you struggle to choose that or was it an easier decision?

Could your lovely story/meaning/thoughtful name be the middle one and the first one be "just because DH had always liked it and it worked for both cultures"?

Could you use a nickname or her middle name to distance yourself from the horrible memories?

I think what you are feeling is actually nothing to do with the name though, it is your feelings about the period in time when the name was decided. You need to work on dissociating the two things. Focus on the fact that it was a name DH had always loved, ask his reasons, does it remind him of someone or something or make him think of something? perhaps that will help you persuade yourself that the name isn't linked only with that time and has nicer associations.

In my son's school class there are 3 children with versions of the same, fairly unusual, name. You can't control it even if you choose a less common name.

Agree, this is your anxiety talking. You don't have to listen to it, just acknowledge its point of view and then politely disagree.

has your dc got a middle name? could you use this name instead?

I'm sure it's a lovely name. Anxiety is a fucker though. I would go back to the gp

My dd was born in a February, the name we chose wasn't in the top 50 the year before, in her birth year it's in the top 10! It can happen and it doesn't matter

This is definitely your anxiety talking isn't it? Do get some help, please. You'll feel so much better.
Also - what's her middle name? But that's a nuclear option - shell be used to her own name now.

I'm sorry you feel like this OP but agree with others that it sounds like a focus for your anxiety .Having a common name is in no way a disadvantage for your child. It is well used because it is a nice name and your DC will never have to explain pronunciation or spelling . DC like to feel that they are 'inside' the group rather than an outlier. As well as this what seems to be a commonly used name now when so many names are used is not at all the same as when I was a child and there might be seven Sarah's in the class. FWIW my name was very popular when I was a child and there was always someone else in my class with the same name. It never crossed my mind to mind or resent it. My DH had an easy to spell and well known but rarely used name that he hated and considered to have been a sign of his DM's vanity in choosing.He is accustomed to it as an adult of course.
The story is that your DH loved the name and that you chose it together. No more explanation is needed .

We thought we were being really original with our DC's names, but not only were they both two of the most common names in the school, they were typically linked together. A famous film star has even called his boy and girl the same names!

It's only ever caused me momentary frustration though - I think your anxiety is causing you to over think this.

I have an uncommon name. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

I honestly don’t get all this angst over names. It’s an admin issue - enables you to identify yourself and be identified. If doesn’t define you or make you more/less unique. Pick something you like and that you think will serve your child well through her life (ie not an obvious marker, something people can spell and won’t go “what?” when she says it). And don’t worry any further. If you’ve picked a popular name, it’s popular because lots of other people like it. No more and no less than that. Nothing to worry about.

I have a not too common name but also untraditional spelling. I've spent over 30 years having to spell it for people. It's frustrating knowing I'll have to do it for the rest of my life.

If your daughter has what you term a common name. You've done her a kindness! I would give my right arm to be an Emma or Charlotte.

Just to say as well op, the cause could be pnd or depression but in some cases the trauma of pnd means a breakdown leads to a diagnosis of autism or ADHD. Both have hyperfocus which is what you seem to be doing about the name. I mention this because I masked so well before pnd I had no idea I was neurodiverse and it was only when CBT and talking therapies and antidepressants failed I was put on a diagnosis pathway.
Just something to keep in mind.

That’s irrelevant. OP is vulnerable and if she wanted to disclose the name she would have done so.

Ha ha I was born in the 80s so my school was full of Sarahs, Lauras and Rachels! Hasn’t been a problem for me having a common name!

I’m glad you seem open to accepting people’s advice OP.

Like others I think therapy would be beneficial. You had a very difficult time and that seems to have influenced your thought processes around the name, which now keep repeating themselves in your daily life.

Hopefully therapy will help you to break that cycle, move on, and develop new, positive thoughts about the name.

In the mean time, every time you start thinking an anxious thought about your DD’s name, try deliberately stopping that thought and consciously think of a positive thought instead. So instead you would think “it’s a lovely name and it suits my DD”. If you do it often enough it will become automatic.