DD hates her name and surname

Zoflora Spray?

15 years ago. Reece, Ember?

Why not let her change it? Deed poll is quick and easy!

Dd was like this, she has a somewhat rare name in this country though I suspect it's very common elsewhere. She went through a phase of hating it with a passion because everyone else she knew was a Molly or an Emily or an Amelia et but now she likes that when people hear her name on (here we go) social media in this area, they know it's her. We all know how much that stuff matters to the young ones...

Anyway, she loves it now.

I think it's a phase that loads of girls go through when teenagers, they don't want to stand out, until they do.

I think you can stop worrying that you picked the wrong name. Because no matter what name she got, she'd still be going through this phase.

It's to do with her identity and her struggles with that.

She is finding it hard to define herself and therefore her name is 'controlling' her because she can control everything else.

You say she was a tomboy and now she's a girly feminine girl.

That says to me that she has had issues trying to find her place in the world and be accepted. And those issues are still difficult for her.

My advice is stop defending your name choice or telling her it's 'fine'.
Instead tell her its OK not to like your name and she has choices to change it and that's fine with you.

I don't like my first name much, very dated. Don't like my middle name which was after my mum's cousin who has never been in my life and I didn't like my maiden name either and it's the main reason I took my DH's name as I approve of women retaining their family name usually. I just wanted rid of mine.
Thing is, if you'd asked me at 15 or 18 I'd have changed my name to something I'd dislike now. A timeless classy name is what I'd like but I CBA to do the deed poll thing now. Your DD may grow to like her name or may change it. I always wonder about people giving their babies dramatic odd names and how sure they are they will fit the child or adult they become.

Not Tena then?

I've always hated my official name. I use a different one for both unless I'm filling in an official thing.

I never knew how common it was till a long known colleague verified ny passport. I looked at the name and I was like "who is this?" and so did she! 😂

I did think I'd change it officially but never did as my parents were so upset when I said it. If I had stuck to my guns at 18....that said, I do wonder if having a long unwieldly name protects against fraud of ID etc?

Those Tesco "free fruit for kids" adverts have a lot to answer for.

My 17 yr old daughter came to us 2 years ago and said she wanted to change her name by deed poll. She had already been using it amongst her friendship group for at least 6 months at that point. We asked her to wait a year and that we would call her by her preferred name and asked family and friends to do the same.
2 years on and we are going through the deed poll process now and once sorted will change her passport, bank account etc.

I couldn’t see any reasonable argument as to why she should stick with a name that we chose and she didn’t like.

You / we call ourselves anything we like. I have a friend who has called herself Zoe since her teens. Name on her Passport is Ann. Another friend calls herself Tiffany (goodness knows why). Name on her Passport is Margaret (maybe that is why).

This is all part of your DD finding her identity in the world. It could be worse. She could be ‘identifying’ as Batman or a Trifle.

Well as long as she's not Lillet or Tampax (in which case, she has a point) why don't you suggest she picks a name and tries it out for the 3 years till she is 18 and then change by deed poll. But tell her to choose carefully as it's far easier to have one that is easier to spell (to save repeating one's self) and doesn't sound like another name (to save having to correct everyone)

It's unclear without knowing the name but is it a LACK of linkage to her heritage she dislikes? How's her relationship with Dad if she's upset with her surname too?

I'd ask her what she'd like to be called. It might give you some insight into what the problem is.

Would she like to use your maiden name?

Let her use your chosen name at home and with friends and speak to school about if they will adopt it informally

I think it’s Bodyform.

Anyway if she doesn’t like it she can change it at 18. /end of thread.

No comments, she doesn't like her name and she can legally change if via deed poll when she comes of age. There isn't anything you can do about it

I can only think of ‘Sheila’s Wheels’!

I thought it was common for some people not to like their names.

The first time I met my stepdaughter she was 6yo and told me she hated her name, she wanted to be called Sarah, her parents had other ideas. The number of times she’d sob in my arms over the years because she would get called a nickname created from her real name, broke my heart. She’s an adult now and accepts her name, but I’ve never met anyone with her name, I swear my ex and her mum made it up when they were off their heads.

A boy I went to school with went by his middle name because he hated his perfectly normal name (Anthony). I think I’d known him about 4 years before I knew he didn’t use his first name. I actually know loads of people who go by their middle names for one reason or other.

My cousin changed his name by deed poll at 18, not sure it was because he hated it, I hope not because I still call him by his birth name, just like the rest of our family do, we can’t get out heads around him being anything but his birth name, even over 30 years later, it’s a family name for us. His wife & dads family use his chosen name, but it’s a family name for them, his dads name who died when he was little. He’s never got upset and happily acknowledges both names.

i hate my married name, no idea what possessed me to take it or inflict it on my DCs. Thankfully we double barrelled their surnames so they have the option of dropping it. I think I would be upset it they decided they didn’t like their first names though, all have important meanings, so far they like their names and love the meanings behind them 🤞

OP, I hated my name as a teen. It was so common at my school, at least 7 of us with the same name in my year alone and it didn’t feel like my name for some reason. I even got people to call me a different name for a short time, but there was never any mention of changing it from my parents. I think they knew it was a phase and that I’d eventually over it. And I did. I still prefer the shortened version of my name, but no longer hate it by any means. Hopefully she’ll be the same. Many teens go through a phase of trying to work out who they are and if their current version of themselves fit their idea of themselves ) if that makes sense!).

My DD is also 15 and has a very traditional name that has many shortenings to it. She isn’t keen on it! Since taking gcse history her name comes up often in the work they have been doing and she asks us why we named her after ‘old lady queens’ 🤦‍♀️ 😂 But she’s finding herself, trying to carve her place in the world and questioning all this stuff is so normal. So if she really wanted to change it she knows we’d support her, but we’re also just letting her work it out for herself and I think the most probable outcome is that she’ll make her peace with it and life will go on.

I changed my middle name and surname. I just hated them, I can't even really put a finger on why. It's been 18 years and I'm still more than happy with my new names.

My DD (6 at the time) hated her middle name, for a year she insisted her name was different. I let her change it. She's so happy about it even 2.5 years later.

I know it's not exactly the same situation but that's my experience with name changing!

I'd be inclined to let her add a middle name by deed poll, which she could then go by, it would be easier to do it and have her GCSE and ALevel certificates, driving licence, degree certificates etc with that name rather than changing it once she is an adult and things not corresponding.

My mum changed her first name and surname at 18 and stuck with this changed name her whole life. So for some people it is not a phase.

I hate my name. Actually no, hate is a strong word. I don't like it. And I didn't like my surname either (that was fixed by getting married though). In my business I now go by one of my second names and my husband's surname. I wouldn't change it though and I'm still called by my original first name by friends and family. I wouldn't let a 15 year old change her name, but I guess when she's 18 it'll be her choice.

Just let her use another first name instead. But don't change it on official documents like passports yet.

A lot of teens hate their names. I changed my surname (no one could spell the original and it pissed me off). I think a lot of people here would say that if they could have changed their names as teenagers then they would have - I would have renamed myself Raven if I could (little teen goth). Glad I didn't. The way to approach it is - OK, what would you like to be known as? If you still like it when you're eighteen you could change it.

i hated my name as a teenager,
my dm just told me i could change it if i wanted